Empathy
by Jamille Shane
Summary: ST:TNG w/ my original characters. It started as Lt Tenary helping Lt Cmdr Sarkaal relate to his nonVulcan subordinates. She must eventually face the truth about her people and their link to ancient Vulcan. Story done. Will add slowly. R & R please!
1. Chapter 1

One Time Disclaimer: I do not own any rights or portions of Star Trek, The Star Trek Universe or any characters already established in the Star Trek Universe. The characters of my own Original Mind happen to be from the Star Trek Universe but I do not benefit monetarily in any way, shape or form from any of these characters.

EMPATHY

Lieutenant Kaira Tenary rushed down to Deck 9 via turbolift. She'd met with Counselor Troi in the past under informal circumstances but she had the feeling this time there was some catch to this meeting. Besides the fact that no one had seen the counselor aboard ship for almost four weeks and during that time she wasn't listed as being on shore leave. She was, in fact, listed officially as 'active duty' status. If you tried to probe as to where that status was you were given the indirect answer of 'unspecified' and pushed out of the Starfleet Personnel Database without even being allowed to sign off. And now, yesterday, she'd suddenly reappeared on board the _Enterprise_ and was calling to speak with a bunch of crew members including Kaira.

During the counselor's absence her case load had been handled by several other members of Starfleet. No one knew how hard the counselor worked until they tallied everything and realized it would take three people to do her job. Lieutenant Tenary had always admired the counselor, not just because she was a complement of the crew in hard times, but because of her abilities as an empath and her obvious femininity as well as her ability to roll with the punches. Some of the female crewmembers, she knew, did not like the counselor. But Kaira knew these females were simply threatened by the woman on many levels.

Once outside her quarters, she was eager to see her friend again for the first time in a month. Where had she been? And what was so urgent now? Once she rang the chime, the door swept open instantly. The counselor probably knew who was there before they even rang, thought Kaira. But who she saw was not what she'd expected. Rushing into the room, she sat down next to her friend and exclaimed, without thinking, "You look awful! I mean you're still gorgeous as sin, but what happened out there?"

"Well thank you," said Deanna as she smiled, her beauty still intact. She knew she had lost a good seven pounds and had black circles under her eyes. The captain decreed she would take another month off, this time of shore leave, especially after what she'd been through on behalf of Starfleet. "I earned looking this bad."

Kaira hugged her friend. "I'm so glad to see you again! I was so worried about you when you just disappeared on us. I knew you were probably on assignment."

"I was worried about me, too," joked the counselor as she hugged her back, except she wasn't really joking.

"You've been through hell, haven't you?" asked the Lieutenant, unable to withstand the thought of someone like Deanna being hurt in any way.

"What I've been through is classified, but yes, it was hell," she said as the shadow of something passed her face. Snapping herself out of it, she said, "It's nothing a month on Betazed won't fix."

Kaira said nothing more. If the counselor was actually going back home for her month off things must have been bad indeed. She decided to change the subject hoping it would help Deanna feel a little better. "So you've come to pack and call all your friends and ask them to give you back the clothes they borrowed? I already gave you back that dress, remember?" she smiled.

Deanna smiled again and this time it reached her eyes. "Yes, I remember. But actually, no, I've been trying to cover the reports that were waiting for me when I got back. I have to tie up some loose ends so I won't be worried while I'm away."

"And you called me because…"

"Actually I've dealt with every report except for one. I didn't quite know what to do with it. And then it occurred to me that you might be the one person who could handle this case."

Kaira frowned. "Case?"

Deanna saw the look on her face and actually laughed out loud. "It's not my fault you allowed yourself to check off 'willing to help ship's counselor' on that little box during your academy days when they directed you to the 'empath' section."

"That was before they discovered my flaw," whispered Kaira.

Deana patted her hand gently. "Don't worry. There won't be any touching of anyone's mind or feelings this time."

The lieutenant was relived. "I wouldn't want to make things worse for you when you get back."

"I think this case is unique and you're one of the only people that_ can_ handle it." Deanna stood and retrieved a data pad. "All of the particulars are on here."

Kaira retrieved the pad and began flipping through the information by pressing the page down button. And she was floored by the information on it. "You're kidding me, right? Why me?"

Deanna sighed. "Because first of all, all the other empaths are taken and he wouldn't want one of those working with him, anyway. It's not as if he'll let his screens down. Second, you're one of the most logical choices. You have a way with people and I thought that might rub off on him. And third, you understand a lot of races in Starfleet. You've actively studied most of them and you make it your business to get into their social ways and customs; who better to help someone accused of having no empathy whatsoever? And also, aren't your people related to his somehow?"

Kaira nodded. "Just because the Beleine are genetically very similar to Vulcans doesn't mean we have anything in common with them. Besides, I'm only half Beleine. My mother is human."

"And my father was human, too, but one half of me does not cancel out the other."

She knew she couldn't argue with Deanna on that account. If anyone understood being a hybrid, the counselor did. "All right. I'll do this…but this is for you. I know Lieutenant Commander Sarkaal and he's not going to be very cooperative with me. Not that I blame him."

Shocked, Deanna asked, "Didn't you see that list of grievances?"

"Troi, the man is a Vulcan and a superior officer. We have to take them how they are, lock, stock and barrel and stop expecting them to change who _they_ are to fit in with how emotional _we_ can be."

The counselor smiled. "It sounds to me like you see his point of view already. Now I'm sure you can help him loosen up, so to speak, so he doesn't have a mutiny on his hands in his department. And besides, he agreed to be loosened up."

"The Commander agreed?" she asked, in disbelief.

"The Lt. Commander knows he's lacking in what we would call social graces for more emotional species. And he wants to find ways that he can satisfy others in the ways of courtesy and surface understanding."

"Because?"

Deanna smiled. "Because, as he pointed out, 'logically more will be accomplished if morale were to elevate' in his department."

"That sounds like the Lt. Commander."

Deanna noticed that that sentence was spoken with no malice. "You really don't have a problem with the man like most other crewmembers."

Kaira shrugged. "Well from what I can see from the data pad, he's had next to no contact with non-Vulcans until he entered Starfleet Academy. It's a wonder he decided to join. Then he's spent the last twenty years on two different Vulcan ships. I guess I can understand what's happened here. He went into his new assignment expecting a level of efficiency that can only be met by Vulcans and what he got was…not that. And to top it all off the crew have taken to seeing him as…" she flipped through the data pad and quoted another lieutenant, "'a cold-hearted bastard with no warmth and zero feeling'. Meanwhile, the man is just being himself, he's not actively trying to piss people off by not smiling at them when someone gives him a cheerful 'good morning'."

"So you'll do it?"

"Against my better judgment, yes."

"But you don't think you'll succeed."

"I can sure as hell try," she said, though she honestly doubted it.

"I sense you have much to teach the lieutenant commander," said Deanna. "He might also have much to teach you."

"The only thing I'm going to teach the lieutenant commander is how to not get killed by his subordinates one bad day in the Advanced Genetics lab. And as for me…who knows, Surak 101 could be very entertaining," she smiled.

Lieutenant Tenary arrived, on time, the next day at the door of Lieutenant Commander Sarkaal. She rang the chimer and was admitted almost as soon as her hand dropped. She entered his quarters and nodded at him. "Sir. Reporting for duty, sir."

The Vulcan was tall and angular, dark hair and eyes, his features seemingly carefully sculpted. It was actually a very strangely handsome face and Kaira suspected it was the reason so many took offense to his straightforward abrupt manner. She thought to herself _had the commander been ugly I think they could all take it better. _But there was something that stung worse at the heart of the psyche, the perceived slight of a physically beautiful person as opposed to one who was not. She didn't know if it were worse that his beauty was not at all in-your-face, it rather snuck up on you after about five minutes of looking at him and became worse over time. He did not strike her overly much, however. She'd seen much beauty on her planet growing up.

"Please be seated," he said as he pointed to the pillows on the floor of his quarters and at a strange looking couch. The décor was wholly Vulcan; the commander didn't even possess a regular couch.

Kaira decided to made herself comfortable on the floor, given the choice by him, since it was very much the same way things were done back home.

"May I offer you water?" asked the commander.

And at that, her heart skipped. The similarities between their cultures were more than unnerving. But now was not the time or place to contemplate that. She answered, "I accept." She took a tumbler of water from his hands and drained it, returned it to him, thanked him.

He sat down across from her and asked another Vulcan courtesy. "May I offer you refreshments?"

"No, that's all right," she smiled. "I am only here for a short time."

"Yes, of course," he said politely.

"Commander, I was asked to come and speak with you concerning the problems in your department with the officers that work under you."

"They find my manner offensive," he said. He didn't show it, but he was truly puzzled. "I have endeavored to be respectful of my fellow researchers and lab partners."

"I know, sir. I don't think anyone ever wants to offend." She thought carefully about what she was about to say next. "Sir, I'd like to ask you a question."

"'May I ask'," he corrected.

"Pardon?"

"The correct way to term it on Vulcan would be 'May I ask'."

She stared at him. He was actually serious. She didn't know whether to laugh out loud or threaten to smack him. "Sir, I think I see what the problem is. May I ask, Commander, did you realize that by correcting my sentence you were being rude?"

He seemed taken aback. "I fail to see the logic of considering the mere readjustment of words as 'rude'."

"Sir, if you do that the person thinks you're telling them what to do, at best. At worst, they think that you think that they're an imbecile who can't even form a proper sentence."

He said not another word for a few seconds, only looked across at her, puzzled. "I have never done so with any other officer besides yourself," he clarified.

"Oh my my," she murmured as a feeling of anger began to rise in her stomach. "All right, I'll bite. May I ask why?"

"I knew you were coming to speak with me, so I took the liberty of researching you as I am sure you have researched me. I noticed who you were and where you came from. I also noticed you have never been to Vulcan. I was simply endeavoring to teach you Vulcan etiquette for your sake if you were to ever find yourself there."

"So you don't teach anyone else Vulcan etiquette except myself?" she asked, anger on hold, but still taken aback.

"I knew perhaps if you went, simply by the sight of you, you might be mistaken for a Vulcan. I did not wish you to experience social malaise for lack of manners."

Kaira looked away from him as she suppressed her emotions. He'd hit a nerve and had no idea. "Sir, listen to me…I'm not ready to talk about anything like that right now."

"Surely you realize why our people are genetically similar-"

"I'm not ready for this, sir!" she found herself raising her voice. The two sat in silence for what must have been ten seconds. "I apologize," she whispered.

"I did not mean to offend," he said. He should have realized it was, indeed, a very loaded subject and one he should not have entered so casually. He had much to learn.

She nodded at his words but did not absolve him. He had offended most royally. But he hadn't meant to, she knew that. And for that reason, she was willing to go on. "We need to figure out how to make it so you don't rub people the wrong way left and right, sir."

His mind took the term 'left and right' and stored it for later contemplation and research. "There is one thing I have learned living amongst humans for this year."

"And that is?" she asked.

"The art of 'the deal'."

There was a sinking feeling in her stomach. "All right, sir. You want to make a deal with me and I bet it has to do with my Beleine heritage."

"You are correct. I will allow you to help me. I will submit to whatever you think will mold me if you will allow me to someday broach the subject for that which you do not wish to discuss this day."

She swallowed hard. "Sir, I'm only half Beleine."

"It does not matter. According to the notes in your Starfleet records, the Beleine genome was allowed to take precedence in your formation by the geneticists when they put you together for your parents. Being a geneticist, I was allowed to peek at them."

So he certainly had studied her, down to her deepest darkest chromosomes, more so than she had done for him. Well the man was a geneticist after all, who could blame him? Mother was always saying 'don't wag a bone at a dog'. "That's so true," she found herself muttering aloud. She thought about it for a minute. Counselor Troi was counting on her for this. She owed Deanna for that unfortunate incident in her past that she had to talk her through, that was for sure. But what the Lieutenant Commander wanted to discuss, on her world it was treason. It was the reason her father had ultimately lost his life. But why, she wondered, should she leave questions unanswered? Her father had had them and he had his suspicions and beliefs. He'd done countless years of research and when he tried to bring them out into the open he was killed for doing so. Despite the fact that she'd never even had the chance to read her father's findings… No. No! Why should the past continue to be buried? "Sir, I'm wiling to deal. We help you and then maybe someday…you help me."

He nodded. "That is acceptable to me."

After talking for about an hour Kaira realized several things. The Lieutenant Commander truly had had no exposure to other cultures before attending Starfleet Academy. Even then he'd taken the one year advanced course on Vulcan for his first two years and then went to Earth and entered Command School. Twenty years on Vulcan ships and he'd suddenly decided to try his hand on a human vessel. He was one of the best in his field, so of course the _Enterprise_, flagship of the Federation, requested him when his name was up for grabs. And what Captain Picard wants, in the form of personnel, he gets when in competition against other captains.

"Sir, may I ask, what made you suddenly decide to come outside your comfort zone?" she asked the next day.

He seemed to think long and hard before answering. She wondered if he would answer at all when he finally said, "T'Maar. She is my sister, fourteen years my junior. Recently she went to Earth and worked there, simply to experience a culture not her own. I thought it very admirable of her to do so. I realized that I had never done so in my life. When I found myself authorizing another five years of service to Starfleet, this time I asked for a transfer to a ship that did not contain an all Vulcan crew. What better way to observe Surak's philosophy of IDIC than to do so up close?"

"IDIC, sir?"

"Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations: It is the concept that together, along with our differences, we can learn much and become stronger, even enrich the existence of one another."

Kaira simply swallowed back a lump in her throat. "Sir, that's beautiful."

"Can a concept of logic possess beauty?" he asked honestly.

"More so than a face, sir," she said.

Kaira was authorized to go through the lab logs and recordings for seven days straight so she could observe, firsthand, whatever the problem happened to be between the Lieutenant Commander and the other members of Advanced Genetics. And it was as she suspected. Despite the diversity of the department, none of its members knew that the little things done by Lieutenant Commander Sarkaal were not meant in rudeness, or rather the little things left _undone_. He never uttered one 'please' or 'thank you'. Whenever anyone said "Good morning" or something along those lines, he never verbally answered, he simply said nothing or only nodded. When he gave orders he did not wait for acknowledgement, he simply turned and walked away, even if the recipient happened to be in the middle of a sentence.

She found herself with her mouth dropped open on more than one occasion while viewing the logs. She also found herself nodding in disbelief or her hand slapping her forehead in a 'oh my goodness!' gesture. He had no clue at all. And that wasn't the worst of it.

She arrived at his quarters forty-eight hours later, data pad in hand, and rang. He allowed her access and she entered, sat down on his backless couch that time and waited for the formalities to be over. Once water was offered, accepted and drank, she accepted further refreshments. He knew then this was going to be a long visit.

"Sir, what is wrong with you saying 'please' or 'thank you'?"

"They are mere words of convention. One does not thank a logical act. And to not say 'please', does this mean it will not get done with the utterance of one word?" he asked.

"Sir, it's not a situation to be analyzed. It's pure courtesy, a sign of respect to another person to say 'please' and 'thank you'. They don't do that on Vulcan?" she asked, truly curious then.

She was very upset with him, he could tell, and he couldn't understand why. "If I thank you for doing what you ought, it is saying that I did not expect you to do the logical thing and since you have decided to this time around, I am grateful. That would be the sign of disrespect. And if I say 'please' it invalidates what I precede my request with which is usually a polite, 'if you perhaps would' or something along those lines."

Kaira thought about the logs. He'd most certainly usually qualified his requests either before or after making them with words that amounted to 'please'. She exhaled tiredly. This was going to take a long time. "Sir, for races you deal with that are *not* Vulcans, you have to say 'thank you' or else you'll be seen as terribly rude."

"But logic dictates-"

"For them, logic has nothing to do with it. If you don't say 'thank you', you'll be seen as rude. If you don't say 'please'…" She searched for the correct words. "They will think you see them as beneath _you_, and not in the way of a superior to a subordinate, more like you're a parental figure or something. But since you aren't, the disrespect is just racking up for them. A lot of races, as it is, see Vulcans as high-handed, haughty. They think that they think of themselves as better than everyone else."

For the first time his face showed concern. "I certainly did not wish to connote disrespect to my fellows in Advanced Genetics." He sat there for a moment and thought long and hard. "This is a grievous oversight on my part. It must be rectified."

She sighed, relieved. She thought he was going to fight her tooth and nail on something as simple as 'please' and 'thank you'. But it bothered her that the commander was actually troubled. "Sir, don't worry. This can be fixed."

"It is not logical to worry," he reminded her. "Worry alone will not do what needs to be done. However, I agree, the situation will be handled. I will endeavor to learn much under your tutelage." She stifled a grin at first and then let it burst through. When it came down to it the Lieutenant Commander was kind of funny.

"Lieutenant," he said as he sat there with her. "Do you find Vulcans high-handed and haughty?"

She frowned. "No, sir, I do not," she answered honestly.

"And why not when others do?"

"Sir, you're simply being who you are. Just by 'being' sometimes one can give off an impression to someone else they entirely do not mean to." Resembling a Vulcan so much she had faced several instances of prejudice herself, so she knew it was certainly unfair to prejudge someone on looks alone, let alone their race.

He looked at the lieutenant and remembered the pictures of her parents he'd seen in her classified genetic file. She physically resembled her mother in a very striking way. Her genome was almost completely Beleine but her looks were made to resemble her human mother. Her skin was quite brown and her eyes were a deep true green. Yet… "Is that why you have covered your ears with your hair, lieutenant, you do not wish to be mistaken for a Vulcan?"

She sighed. She thought she might exit his quarters unscathed, that day, but it was not to be. "Sir, why do you always have to go there?"

The following week went well with the others in his department. He used 'please' and 'thank you' in the appropriate situations. When he came to her quarters the following weekend, she allowed him in and had him sit on her couch. She offered him water, as was the custom with her own people as well as his and he accepted. Over refreshments they had casual talk about his work and hers. When she was not assisting the ship's counselor with wayward Vulcans, she was the ship Court Reporter. He admitted to a fascination with her ability. "It's not what others think," she found herself saying as they finished their refreshments. "In order to work on the machine I literally have to enter a state of blankness so that I may become the conduit for the words of others, that's all."

He nodded. "I suppose it is akin to my meditative state each evening. I must empty my mind before I may begin."

She nodded. "Yes, I suppose so. I wouldn't know." To his credit he did not bring up the connection between their peoples at that time or any other for the next month.

The next weekend they discussed his need to allow others to finish their sentences, even if their words were long, tiresome and drawn out. "You can't cut people off, sir."

"I have never done so," he affirmed.

"On several occasions I noticed on the logs you cut people's words off."

"Only when I already had gotten the gist of what they meant to say," he said, simply.

And she found herself giggling. "I know, sir. Sometimes people say more words than they need to to convey a thought and it's aggravating but…" She thought about it. "It's just a courtesy. Let them finish their sentence before you walk away. Otherwise it seems like you-" She didn't want to say it again. She remembered that look on his face the last time she'd said the same thing.

"It is the issue of disrespect again, is it not?" he asked.

Her face screwed up and she looked very apologetic. "Yes, sir. I'm sorry."

"I am seen as disrespectful," he said, truly troubled.

"Not completely anymore. Your 'please' and 'thank you' week went over really well."

"And I suppose this coming week will be the beginning of my attending every word instead of departing when I think I have already received the message." He nodded. "It will be a most inefficient week in the lab."

Kaira laughed again not believing her ears.

"Do I amuse you?" he asked. From anyone else it would have been insulting but he found her reaction puzzling and, though he would never admit, endearing. She was the only person that he was able to make laugh, ever.

"I'm sorry, sir. I shouldn't have laughed. It's just, you're so innocent in all of this and no one knows."

"Except for you, lieutenant," he said.

She pulled out a data pad. "I did some research and I found a guidebook given by the Vulcan embassy. It was written for embassy staff living on Earth so I suppose you've never seen it, have you?"

He nodded. "No, I have not."

"Okay, perfect. The embassy wrote it, Ambassador Sarek overhauled it a century ago and then it was overhauled by his son, Ambassador Spock about twenty years ago. I would expect it has a lot of advice for dealing with humans. Since over half your department is human that should do something for you right there."

He reached out and took it a bit eagerly. "I look forward to discussing much of this with you."

"If you ever need help, sir, or get stuck, just call me and I'll be there. All right?"

"As you say, lieutenant."


	2. Making Strides

Making Strides

Three days later, it was about four hours into her sleep cycle and Kaira found herself being awakened by something. She awoke quickly, almost in a state of panic, thinking it was a klaxon for a drill but then calmed down when she realized it was only someone at her door. She sat up sleepily and enquired, "Computer, who the hell is it?"

"Lieutenant Commander Sarkaal," the computer informed her.

She looked over at the clock. It was just past 3:30 in the morning! "Enter," she barked, nearly indignant.

The lieutenant commander entered, still looking fresh and wide awake. "Lieutenant, I had a question I-"

"Sir! It's 0337 in the morning!" she almost yelled.

"You said I could enlist your aide at anytime."

She fell backward in bed and cursed the literalness of Vulcan hearing. "Sir, the next time you show up at my door at this hour…" She remembered then, he was a superior officer and you generally weren't supposed to threaten them with violence. "Sir, are you invoking rank on me at this time?"

He seemed to think about that for a good ten seconds. "Yes, I am," he finally decided.

She sighed as she sat up again and started climbing out of bed. "Make yourself comfortable on the couch, sir. I'll be ready in fifteen minutes."

She found herself being led to Holodeck 3, arms folded and not in the mood for whatever was about to happen. "Sir?" she asked, "The holodeck?"

"I have made a training program to help my progress in interacting with other races."

"Hold it, sir," she said as she paused in the corridor, arms still folded. "_You_ made the program?"

"Yes, I did," he said.

She held back the urge to laugh out loud. "I can almost feel it in my bones, but this one's going to be good," she murmured under her breath.

They entered the holodeck and from the moment the scenario began, Kaira found herself just barely holding in her laughter. The characters were all overly emotional, stereotypical and cardboard cut-out textbook aliens. By the time the angry Andorian entered the picture, antenna twinkling wildly with fury because someone had misplaced his lab specimen, she could no longer hold it in and began to laugh a little bit with a snort through her nose. And then she was on a roll and couldn't hold it back any longer.

The play went on with the members of his department being parodied by holodeck caricatures. It was so politically incorrect Kaira was doubled over, on her knees, tears streaming down her face. "Wait, wait!" she screamed, by then on all fours, unable to stand back up. "Computer, halt program!" she howled with laughter, her hand in the air seemingly begging for mercy.

As the simulation froze in its tracks, a puzzled Sarkaal was then standing in front of her. All she saw was his boots and as she raised her eyes to look at him she was met by his serious demeanor and one raised eyebrow. "Lieutenant, I fail to see the humor in this situation."

"Yes, sir, I suppose you would. But goodness, you would have made a great comedian," she said, still out of breath but sobering up.

"I…I thank you?" he said, trying to be polite, just as she'd taught him.

It began a new roll of laughter from Lieutenant Tenary. "Oh by the Ancient Goddess of Light, I was really not happy about this but it really was worth getting rousted out of bed at 3:37 a.m.!"

"I…I do not understand," he said.  
"Okay, sir. I'm sorry I laughed but this was priceless." She forced herself to stand and get serious. "Do yourself the biggest favor you will have ever done in your 25 year career in Starfleet, sir."

"And that is?"

"Don't ever let this thing be seen in the light of day by anyone else. As a matter of fact, for your sake if anyone ever asks I will disavow all knowledge of this holodeck program. Seriously, they'd put you up on charges for this one."

He thought about her words for five seconds and it dawned on him. "It was that bad?"

"Yes, sir, quite, and offensive…but enjoyable. That's the best laugh I've had in…well, months."

He sighed, his shoulders slumping just a little bit. "I suppose I shall have to start again."

She nodded. "No, no, no, sir. Give me your original of this and I'll rewrite it for you, all right?"

"What will you do differently?"

"For starters, we're going to get rid of the people you work with and have you work on your skills with hypothetical holodeck characters."

"That is acceptable," he qualified.

"And I'll add about four more social scenarios I think will be applicable to your time on the _Enterprise_."

"Also acceptable," he said.

"And sir, your idea to use the holodeck?"

"Lieutenant?"

"Hit and miss attempt, but a pure genius idea. I'd never have thought of it myself."

He nodded and this time said with meaning, "Thank you, Lieutenant."

It took her a week but she finally got the program and its subroutines up and running. They made an appointment for him to begin on the first scenario, a hypothetical work situation. Kaira knew she'd been a terribly bad girl with some of the things that unfurled in the program but part of her could not resist watching a Vulcan squirm.

It took two hours for the scenario to run but Sarkaal, to his credit, stuck it out. In that two hours he dealt with: a subordinate who began crying when he chastised her, an angry young man with nothing to lose, a worker who was groomed inappropriately complete with stink-to-high-heaven cologne, a worker who needed the rest of the day off because his child was sick and a woman who was very attracted to him. That last one Kaira wished she had popcorn as she watched. It was a wonderful thing to watch the tips of a Vulcan's ears go green from embarrassment he would never admit to.

At the end of it he asked, "What is your assessment of my handling of the situations?"

"Sir," she said, "I must say, the woman who started crying, you handled it perfectly."

"I did?" he asked. "That was the one part of the scenario I thought you would have expected more."

"You assured her the criticism was not a reflection on her character, gave her a tissue and after assuring her there was good to her work performance and you'd noticed it- there was nothing more you could have done, at least not in my opinion."

"No touching was required?"

She smiled. "No, sir. Not everyone wants to touch a crying person. Not every crying person wants to be touched by a stranger or non-relative. I know I don't," she said. Onto the next scenario, she began, "The angry young man, well of course you handled that great. I mean you wouldn't lose your temper anyway, so onto the guy with the grooming problem." She sighed. "Um, sir, the thing is…" And she didn't even know how to fix what had gone wrong there. "We'll skip that for now. The worker who needed the rest of the day off, you could have bent more on that, sir."

"What difference would his presence have made with the child? His mother was with him according to the personnel file."

"Sir, I know, but- it's like this. Parents worry and they just want to be there. I don't think this has anything to do with you being a Vulcan and everything to do with you not being a parent. I'm not a parent, either, but I took care of two of my cousins when I was younger, sometimes for days at a time. I'd want to be there when they were ill whether or not their parents were, even if I had nothing to offer the situation besides sitting at their bedsides. You just want to be with them. So try to remember that, okay, sir?"

"I will endeavor to do so."

"And lastly, the lady who was enamored of you…"

"It was sexual harassment," he said with strong certainty.

"And right you were, sir, you handled that correctly. I think you pass this one, commander."

He actually seemed quite satisfied. "Thank you, lieutenant. Am I free to go for now?"

"Yes, sir. We'll do the next scenarios tomorrow. They're only about half an hour each."

"I will be on time, lieutenant," he said.

The next day's scenarios did not at all go as well as the day before and Kaira knew why. Lieutenant Commander Sarkaal had been in a professional capacity the day before. These scenarios were all social situations with aliens. The poor man stood there through one of them and said not a word. In two of them he bored the pants off of his listeners and in the last one he inspired laughter for all the wrong reasons.

"How did I do today?" he asked.

And for once she detected eagerness in his voice. It was the beginning of Kaira starting to worry about the man's feelings beneath his exterior. She didn't have the heart to tell him he'd done very badly so she just said, "Sir, your workmates must love working with the new you," and left it at that.

"But you have not told me how I did in the social settings," he pointed out to her and then waited patiently.

She sighed. "Commander, you need a little work socially, but honestly it's not the same as going to a job or working in Advanced Genetics. The social stuff isn't that important and on top of that there aren't really any rules as to how you should truly behave-"

"I did not do well," he concluded.

She swallowed hard. "Sorry, sir," she whispered.

His shoulders slumped just a little. "Then you and I must embark on a series of social outings. This way you may teach me at the precise moment of interaction."

Once again she couldn't believe where this was going. "Sir, is this an order?"

He thought about it for a few seconds. "Yes, it is."

"Fine, sir. We can do 10-Forward several times a week."

"And whatever social events are held on board the _Enterprise_."

"Yes, sir, and whatever social events are held on board the _Enterprise_."

"We shall set a time limit. Three months?"

"Sure, sir, I can be Rent-a-Friend for three months."

He seemed genuinely satisfied by that.

Counselor Troi returned to the _Enterprise_. It took her a few days to get settled in, but she finally got around to re-amassing her cases and gauging their progress. Lieutenant Commander Sarkaal, like before she left, was the last on her list. She read the reports from the Advanced Genetics lab and immediately called up Kaira Tenary.

Kaira got to her quarters on time and sat down with Deanna. "You look so much better!" she said.

And she did. Deanna's smile was back and she looked nice and healthy with a slight glow. "I feel much better, too, thanks for noticing."

"I was so worried about you the last time I saw you."

"And I was worried about you since you were so reluctant to take on the case of Lt. Commander Sarkaal, but I just read the updated reports on him and…"

"Oh, no."

"Oh, yes!" said Deanna, excited. "I don't know what you did to him, but his fellow workers are amazed at the change in him."

"It isn't that huge Deanna, I don't have him singing show tunes or anything."

"No, but he's personable now. They say he has better manners, attends to their every word and they say he seems to care more now for what's going on with his subordinates. Congratulations, case solved, lieutenant."

Kaira groaned as if she were in pain. "Well Deanna, not yet." She told the counselor about the several instances of the Vulcan pulling rank on her. "Commander Sarkaal is a gangster, Deanna!" she said as Troi laughed herself silly.

"I'm so sorry. I had no idea it would turn into this."

"Me either."

"Do you mind still assisting him?" she asked as she reached out empathically.

It was the first time Kaira ever really thought about it in that way. "Actually no, I don't mind. I'm glad I was able to help someone else. And if I can help him out some more, then someday I can look back and feel like I got something unique done."

After the three months of social hopping, Lieutenant Kaira could honestly say there was a definite improvement in the Lieutenant Commander's social presence. He would never be a social butterfly but that was all right because it wasn't him. She figured they would part ways then, but she seemed to have forgotten their deal.


	3. Win, Lose or Draw

Win Lose or Draw

Early Saturday morning, Kaira was sleeping in until she heard the door chime sound. Who could that be? "Enter," she said, her head still fuzzy.

As Lieutenant Commander Sarkaal entered, she found herself sitting up sharply in bed and covering herself with the covers. "Sir, what are you doing here? We don't have anymore social lessons planned."

"That may be, lieutenant, but you seem to have forgotten, you and I have a deal. I have fulfilled my part of the bargain."

"Aw, sir…" she said as she fell back into bed no longer caring that her midriff was exposed. If he wanted to pop into her quarters unannounced he could darn well deal with a little flesh.

"You and I have much to discuss. I expect you at my quarters, 0900 hours."

"But sir, how do you know I don't have duty today?"

"I have access to the duty shifts or did you forget, lieutenant?"

"Touché, sir," she said sleepily as he exited her quarters.

It was a strange thing for her to consider as she dressed in casual clothing. He had not invoked rank, this time, to get her to go to his quarters. He had, instead, called upon an agreement made when the two officially met. It was time for her to do what she never wanted to do, to uncover her past and the past of her people. Before she left she looked at herself in the mirror and sighed, afraid. "I don't want to do this, but I _can_ do this for you, daddy," she whispered.

She was there, a little late and a little angry. As she entered he did not look pleased.

"You are late, Tenary," he said.

"Yes, sir, I know."

He was taken aback by her unapologetic nature. "May I ask why?"

She shrugged. How do you tell a Vulcan 'I had an anxiety attack and had to get myself under control'? "I don't think you'd understand, sir."

He bid her enter further into his quarters and indicated for her to sit wherever she was most comfortable. After offering her water and refreshments, she noticed he was in Vulcan clothing, not his uniform. From her comfortable position on the floor, she forced herself to breathe. "For starters, I think we should perhaps discuss one thing of importance."

"Yes, sir."

"We are not on duty and you are no longer serving me in an official capacity. Please, do not stand on convention. There is no reason for you to continue to refer to me as 'sir', especially today of all days."

She hadn't expected to hear that. "Um, s—Sarkaal…" It felt strange to say it that way, just out there, his name with no title attached. "_Mr._ Sarkaal?" she said as she tried it out on her tongue. And then without even meaning to, she was laughing. "I'm sorry, s—Sarkaal." Her mouth kept trying to say 'sir'! She was trying to think of a word in her language, some title, that would make this feel not so awkward. "It'll take a moment, that's all."

"That is fine, Tenary." He leaned forward a little and looked her in the eye. "Please tell me the source of your discomfort in discussing your people in relation to mine."

She sighed. "You don't pull any punches, do you? I'm sure you probably understand, it's a very loaded subject, sir."

"I understand. And do not call me 'sir'."

"No, sir… No, I…think you might understand, but I don't think you understand what it means to me personally."

His voice dropped several octaves and she was almost straining to hear him. "Perhaps you do not realize, Tenary, the-" He paused. "The Sundering is a very delicate subject on Vulcan, even to this day. It is not discussed casually or out in the open and usually not with Out-worlders since it is not our finest moment in history… We failed to remain together as a people." He bit his lower lip as he avoided looking at her. "If there is one momentous cap on the sins of Vulcan's past it is when they who would become the Romulans, and several other races, left Vulcan for what they saw as better shores."

She found herself looking away from him, tearing up. There was a hole in her soul involving this subject and she had her reasons for it hurting doubly so. "My father…" she stopped. The tears were rolling now and she nodded her head. "Sir, I—I'm sorry, I can't cry in front of you. Not you."

"Do not be ashamed," he said as he raised his hand to gently turn her face to look at him. "What remains unsaid cannot heal."

The unexpected empathy undid her and she inhaled heavily and found herself gulping back tears. "On my world it is forbidden to talk about our past, that part of our past, where we really come from. The Beleine are a heavily ruled people. Our overlords tolerate no dissent. I am one of only five people that has ever left our world. My father was the first. He was sent to the Federation long ago so that we could maybe gain entrance. But the Federation representatives came to our world, saw how it was, the fact that the government would allow no one to ever leave for fear of what they call 'contamination'…they rejected them; didn't allow them entrance. The Federation said they might change their minds someday if our government changed how repressive it was…what they really meant was if the overlords stopped massacring people who went up against them…"

She wasn't telling him anything he did not already know. But he figured if it helped her lead up to her tale, he could sit through whatever it took.

"Father went to Earth again, on orders of the Overlord of Overlords, our Abukan. He ordered him to find and marry an Earth woman thinking this would cement relations between us and the Federation." She smiled through her tears. "My mother said she was taken with him at first sight. And my father thought she was very beautiful. So they married, but the Federation still said 'no'.

"And then the Abukan told him to produce a child so he went to the geneticists and they produced me… and all this time, daddy knows the stories whispered to him from the past, the things that kids tell each other that they stop talking about when they reach adulthood. The stories that we came from somewhere else a long long time ago, that we were on our way somewhere else and got lost, separated from our convoy of ships." She swallowed as her eyes stared far away, into the past.

"Daddy said that when they went to go to the geneticists to make me, they took a sample of his blood and then cracked him open genetically. They looked at him funny and then sent him to Vulcan…and when he went there he knew…he knew then that that was the place and that the stories were true. And the geneticists were talking to him and even though they were Vulcans he could tell they were excited about the look of his insides and his genes and…" She paused for a few seconds. "And then one day he met a professor from the Vulcan Science Academy that told him the true and full story of the Sundering. The scientist's name was Thev'elin. And mother said my father wept. That from a man that never cried…"

He found himself almost on the edge of his pillow. He had not known it would be this easy to get the information out of her. But he knew better than to interrupt, so he continued to listen to her tale.

"So I was born and father accumulated research. But he did it in secret. He didn't say anything until he had all of the evidence in hand. Then he made the biggest mistake of his life. He went home and he spoke to the Abukan about his findings." She sighed sadly. "Daddy actually thought he might be happy to know the full story, to know about the past…but he wasn't and he ordered my father to remain silent and to destroy his research.

"After that, my father remained silent like he was told. But the damage was already done. His family shunned him because he'd fallen out of favor with the Abukan. He was allowed to return to earth with my mother from time to time since she was from there and the Abukan didn't want the Federation to know how bad things still were. But father couldn't keep silent for long. He had his research, a copy of it, sent to two of the scholars of our world, chief planetary anthropologists. One of the scholars informed on him to get a high position in the government. The next time daddy went home the Abukan arranged for an accident to kill him. They made it look like a fire broke out in his lab and destroyed it, destroyed all of his research." She wiped away one last tear. "He knew he was going to die, but he always felt he'd done the right thing, my mother said. And that other scholar, he arranged to get him and his wife and his son off the planet. I think they live on Vulcan now."

Sarkaal was silent. What could be said?

She looked and felt exhausted after that. She found herself being handed a strong cup of tea by the commander. She sipped it and was thankful for its reviving properties. "Thank you, sir."

"Abukan," he said. "In Vulcan, the word Abukhau means 'ruler'."

She looked up at him and nodded. "Wow. I had no idea."

"Your father's research-"

"I've never even read it. My mother had a copy on earth but I never even read it."

"Why?" he asked, truly not understanding. If it were his deceased parent's life work, he would do his best to read and understand what it was left behind.

"I was so angry with him, Sarkaal. I felt for so many years that my father was so busy pursuing the past he'd left my mother and me alone forever. I didn't even want to look at what he'd written for so long."

"And now?"

"Now I think I understand him a little bit better. Daddy just thought he had to do this. He felt a connection to the past that I still don't understand, but I think he got tired of doing exactly everything the Abukan said. It was-" She looked Sarkaal in the eye. "It was his one chance to be a man, in his eyes, to prove himself, to show that he had his own mind."

Sarkaal was no longer quite eager to press the cultural connection onto Kaira Tenary. She had more than the regular issues surrounding the past. The violent death of a parent was coloring her perceptions.

"Mother said that that brief time he kept silent like the Abukan told him to, he kept having nightmares. She told me he said that in them he was a young man on the surface of Vulcan watching a large armada of Generation ships leave orbit, and they looked like points of diamond light in the sky, zipping off one by one. And he would wake up screaming something along the lines of 'they'll never know, no one will ever know'."

"Why didn't your father have his research published with one of the journals of anthropology? It would have been almost as momentous a find as when we realized the Romulans sprang from us all those years ago. I am certain they, the Rihanssu, would appreciate that not every ship lost along the way ended in violent mass deaths."

She exhaled heavily. "Sir, I even forgot about them in all this. I suppose the Romulans would be interested in us, too, wouldn't they?" She answered his original question. "Daddy was worried that the Abukan would have his entire family, still back home, executed if he allowed his research to go public. He was right. On our world no one _will_ ever know. And on Vulcan, they will never know that it wasn't only the Romulans who sprang from them." Her eyes began to tear up and she looked away again. "And that's the only part I understand about what haunted my father, that…that the existence of us would just disappear, hiding in plain sight and no one would ever really know…"

"Kaira," he said as only his eyes blazed with feeling. "I know, and that professor at the Vulcan Academy knows. The information can spread on Vulcan and still be kept secret from the rest of the Federation. Someday we will all know the truth, on both planets…all three civilizations, if we include the Romulan Empire someday."

"And until then?"

"Until then, you learn about where your ancestors came from. Do you not agree it is what your father would have wanted?"

She thought about it long and hard. "Are you invoking rank, sir?" she tried to joke despite the tears still drying on her face.

He nodded. "This is your choice and will come through your will alone. I offer you knowledge of the past and a people who are kin to yours."

She sighed shakily and nodded. "In the name of my father, in defiance of the Abukan, I accept wholeheartedly, sir."

Sarkaal settled into his nightly meditations and dealt with the questions and thoughts surrounding the time he'd spent that day. Was it right for him, so secure in his rank in Starfleet and family and social connections on Vulcan, was it right that he push Kaira Tenary so hard to come to an understanding of her people from so long ago?

What did she gain from the connection, once it was established? She would gain knowledge of what truly happened, knowledge of what had happened to so many families ripped from one another. She would gain social acceptance, perhaps, on Vulcan depending on how well she could adapt.

But she would lose her world, her father's family, her status, favor in the eyes of her Abukan. She would never be allowed to go home again if her role in retaking the mantle of her father's discoveries was ever uncovered. For that he felt undeniable guilt. Though it was entirely up to Kaira to choose or not to choose this path, it was he who'd led her there, almost forcefully and yet he still did not know why.

Kaira lay awake that night, unable to sleep. She wished there was so much she could know… And then she sat up and went to the viewscreen, put in a call to Earth immediately. She couldn't avoid it any longer.

Her mother answered, groggy, obviously asleep. "Who in the _hell_ is calling me at this hour?" she asked crankily as she turned on a light. Her tune changed as soon as she saw her daughter's face. She was alarmed. "Baby, what's wrong?" she asked.

Kaira was almost hiccupping and hyperventilating through her tears. "Mom…can I…can I have daddy's research, please?"

She sighed and relaxed as she looked knowingly at her daughter's face. "So it's finally bit you, hasn't it?"

She nodded. Years ago her mother predicted that someday she would want to read it. Kaira had sworn she most certainly would not. And her mother just smiled and put it away for her. "How soon do you think you can-"

"You already have it," said her mother.

"What?"

"I stuck it in your bag when you left for the Enterprise."

"Mom, that was like six years ago, I could have thrown it out by now."

"I put it into your make-up bag."

"But I never wear make-up."

"I know. I figured you'd tuck it away somewhere and it would stay hidden and safe until then."

Kaira ran to the drawer she'd dumped the make-up bag and almost never bothered to go into. Then she found it. The one lipstick that wasn't a lipstick; it was a minu-drive. It had an insignia etched in that translated as The House of Tenary. "I found it," she whispered.

"You go read that and I'm going back to bed."

"Mom!" she said, wanting to stop her before she hung up. "Would you be upset with me if I looked into this?"

"Are you kidding? That's your father's work and he died for it. I'd be mad at you if you _didn't_ look into it. Just don't go back to Beleine waving it around like your father did. I'd be very upset if you got yourself killed."

"I won't, mom."


	4. Social Outings, Gossip and Research

Social Outings, Gossip and Research

Kaira was a little uncomfortable giving her father's research over to Sarkaal so soon. So she asked him to wait until she was more comfortable and then she would come around and give it to him. He agreed. In the meantime, about a year went by…

The two spoke often and formed something of a loose friendship. They weren't ultra close or extra chatty, but neither seemed to be bothered by anyone seeing them speak, in public. The fact that rumors were beginning to float around about the two of them being in some sort of love affair was more than preposterous to her. It didn't help that the ship had a social event earlier in the month and the two attended with one another.

"What are we going to do about this situation?" she said as they sat in Ten-Forward.

"Are you attempting to protect my reputation, Tenary?"

Her eyes drifted skyward. "Sarkaal, this is serious. I mean isn't there some kind of like- morality police or something amongst your people?"

"No," he said. "All choices are free. And it is not logical to gossip, listen to or spread it. There is no weight to the rumors therefore we have nothing to fear."

"I wish things were so simple, sir."

"Do you contain such a police force for morality on Beleine?"

"Yes, we do."

He mulled over that piece of information. "Perhaps if-" he paused. The suggestion he had in mind, wouldn't that be interfering in her life?

"Sir?"

He said it anyway. "There are no young men that interest you among the crew, Tenary? I have never seen you…what is the human term? Date."

She thought about it. "Well Lieutenant Driven asked me out last week and I told him I'd think about it. And Ensign Wells asked me out yesterday."

"What answer did you give the ensign?"

"I told him I'd think about it."

"And did you?"

"Think about it?" she asked.

"Yes."

She shrugged. "Sir, I don't know. I've been a little confused lately. We don't do it that way among my father's people."

"Do you have a fondness for either one?" he asked.

She thought about it. "I think Wells is preferable in temperament, but Driven has more ambition; hilarious, his name is 'Driven'. Honestly, I can't make up my mind."

"So you have decided to choose neither."

She shrugged. "It's complicated. Sir, what about you? I don't see you with anyone either but you're trying to get me to go out on a date?"

He informed her, "I am widowed."

She sat bolt upright in her chair. "I'm so sorry, Sarkaal, I'd forgotten."

"There is no reason for you to apologize, Tenary, your question was quite valid. It was out of order for me to try to get you to go outside your cultural norm and…date. May I assume on your planet the marriages are arranged?"

"Yes, they are. But since my father died out of favor and I left for Starfleet that will never happen now."

"You are half human," he said. "There is no reason for you to be opposed to exploring that side of your heritage."

"That's true," she said as she chewed on her lower lip. "My mother _would_ be happy. She's been bugging me about seeing a nice guy or something." She thought about it for a minute more. "Okay, I think I'm ready to do it."

"Which young man will you date?"

"Wells. Ensign Wells."

"Will it be a regular occurrence?" he asked, more than curious.

She stood. "I don't know. For now, I'll agree to one date. If I go now I'll catch him coming off his duty station."

Three days later, Sarkaal encountered Kaira in Ten-Forward. She saw him first at a table on his own and quickly sat down in front of him. "Can I sit here, please?" she asked.

"Of course." He looked up from his data pad, looked back down at it and then did a double take at her. She looked genuinely panicked. "Tenary, what has happened?" he asked.

"Oh, sir, it's all a mess, a great big mess."

He put the data pad down on the table. "Tell me, what has happened?"

"Ensign Wells and I went on that date. Everything was fine, I mean, we went to dinner here in Ten-Forward and everything was going well and we were having a great time-"

"Tenary, you are rambling."

"Well next thing I know, Lieutenant Driven comes into Ten-Forward and starts giving us dirty looks, you know? Just standing there, staring. Ensign Wells didn't notice because his back was to him, but I saw him and I suggested that maybe we should go to the Holodeck and do this program Wells said he'd quite enjoyed involving a wilderness hike. So we got up to leave and on our way out Lieutenant Driven stopped us."

"Stopped you?" he asked, the beginnings of alarm spreading up his back. "What did he do next?"

"The Lieutenant then proceeded to show all of Ten-Forward how inebriated he was and announced to all gathered, 'Ladies and gentleman, this woman gave up a date with the likes of me for the loser she's standing with now. First a Vulcan and now _this_!' Sir, Wells at this point got so mad he grabbed my arm and tried to physically pull me out of Ten-Forward. Driven got angry and said, 'Take your hands off of her,' and punched Wells _in the face_. Wells, of course, decided he wasn't going to just stand there and get beaten up. Sir, it's a disaster. Both of them wound up in the brig until Guinan and me told them exactly what happened so at least Wells was released. I'm so embarrassed. I will never date again."

"The complexities of human dating and mating rituals will never cease to amaze me," he stated, honestly taken aback.

"That's not even the worst part."

"There is more?" he asked with an unmistakably incredulous look on his face.

"So _much_ more. Well, they left Driven in the brig to 'sleep it off' and he got some petty charges. He came to my quarters to apologize this morning and then Wells showed up at the same time to apologize about what had happened. The two had another argument right there on my doorstep at which point I told them I never wanted to see either one of them again."

He remembered then that they were sitting in Ten-Forward. "So you have decided, given this one bad situation, you will…never date again?"

"Sarkaal, I dated in the past a while back and it didn't turn out so great either. I seem to keep attracting strange situations and picking the wrong men."

He was honestly interested. "What happened?"

"The less said on that, the better," and she truly meant it. "Maybe someday I'll tell you, but right now after this last incident…" she shuddered. "It's time for me to focus on something else, something more positive. Here," she said as she dug in her pocket and produced the minu-drive. "It's taken me a year for me to get comfortable enough for this, but here's my father's research. It has all his references and the doctors, anthropologists, xeno-linguists, and scientists he spoke to on Vulcan. I've always wanted to call some of them but I guess I just…I don't know. I wasn't certain they would be interested in speaking with me since it's not my research."

He retrieved the minu-drive from her, eyes wide. He had almost given up hope she would ever let him see it. "I am honored by this trust, Kaira."

She thought about that. "Sarkaal, you're one of the most trustworthy people I know. Actually, to tell you the truth, I think I trust you the most out of anyone I know right now. Take care of it for me."

"I shall return it as soon as possible," he promised.

She waved his words off. "Take your time, sir. There's no rush. And there's a _lot_ of information. You might want to pace yourself."

By the time Sarkaal finished wading through all of the research, his mind felt like lead. It took him nearly a week to get through it. Kaira's father had been more than thorough in every lead he found and documented everything. He wanted there to be no doubt as to who the Vulcans were to the Beleine. There was no doubt left in his mind, they were of the Sundered.

He took it upon himself to call several of the Vulcan doctors and scientists that contributed to Ambassador Tenary's research. They were all still quite interested in the link between the Beleine and Vulcan, but two of them were very interested in the Ambassador's daughter for reasons of their own. They asked Sarkaal to act as a go-between to solicit a request for her presence on Vulcan to see them. Whatever it was, they would not discuss it with him. One, a healer by the name of Sowlon, was interested in the welfare of the Lieutenant, but he did not understand why he wished to speak with her. "Is she a woman of honor? How does she conduct herself?" asked the healer.

"The lieutenant is her own person above all else, but more so you must remember she is a child of two worlds."

"The place of her birth has rejected her due to her father, is that not so?" asked Healer Sowlon.

"That remains to be seen."

"You must convey to her, it is unsafe to return there. Vulcan must become her home, now."

Sarkaal did not understand why the healer was so eager for the young woman to make such a leap so soon. He decided at that moment that he would accompany her to Vulcan and watch over her. "If the lieutenant should choose to go to Vulcan she will be a guest of my House and she shall decide all things for herself at her own pace."

"Of course," said the healer.

The other, the scientist mentioned before by Tenary, the one named Thev'elin, was restrained in his enthusiasm, but it still showed through. "I am honored you have called to inform me of the child of Ambassador Tenary. When last I saw her it was on Earth and she was a mere ten years of age. Is she well?"

"She is quite well, a lieutenant in Starfleet and the best in her field."

"Inform the young woman, whenever she is ready she may come and speak with me concerning her father's findings. I am the keeper of a few things of interest she may wish to know."

"I shall do so," promised Sarkaal.

Kaira wasn't surprised to see Sarkaal stopping by her quarters. "I guess you've gotten through at least half of it."

"I've gotten through all of it," he said.

She frowned. "You read all of it? Already? I just gave it to you, what, eight or nine days ago? Have you slept at all since then?"

He admitted, "Barely. I wished very much to see the connection and was quite interested in the way your father connected everything. By the time he was finished, there were no holes in his theory. Especially since he finished with the best piece of evidence, the Beleine genome."

She nodded. "I couldn't believe it myself. It took me over a month to read everything."

"As you suggested, I took the liberty of contacting a few of the contributors, and you may be interested to know two of the people who actively contributed to the research of your father, a Healer Sowlon and the scientist you mentioned before, Thev'elin, they wish very much to see you."

She smiled. "I remember Thev'elin and I liked him. He used to visit daddy on Earth. He was very nice to me. He used to bring me Vulcan poems and books and said that someday I was to visit his family on Vulcan, they were all eager to meet me. I never knew why. Back then I didn't get the significance of what my father was doing."

"And now, do you wish to go there and meet him, his family and also meet this Healer Sowlon?"

She sighed. "I know it must aggravate you, the way I am, but before I make decisions I always think about it. And when I'm ready then I do what I've set my mind to."

"I find that an admirable trait," he admitted.

She looked up at him. "Why? It's such an indecisive way of living. Or at least to most people it seems to be indecision for someone to take so long."

"Too many live by the whim of impulse. It is not logical to rush into any course of action that is not well thought out. I suspect before you commit to something you think of the outcome, do you not?"

She admitted, "Actually, yes, I do."

"I know from experience, it is difficult attempting to see all angles and consequences of the decisions one makes."

"I agree," she nodded.

"It was indicated by Thev'elin that you were to make it to Vulcan at your own discretion and in your own time."

"And what about this Healer Sowlon?"

Sarkaal didn't want to admit it, but he did. "His request did not seem very much like a request. There was an urgency to it I do not understand. And whereas Thev'elin seemed to not inform me of what it was he wished to do with you, it was solely because it was information he wished to give that was for your ears only."

"You didn't get a good vibe off of Healer Sowlon, did you?" she asked.

He did not wish to speak ill of another Vulcan, so he did not. But he did say, "I strongly suggest you do not ever visit with him on your own. I do not know what his interest in you is for. Please promise you will not go to Vulcan without me."

She smiled up at him. "My own watchdog. You're a good friend, you know that, don't you?"

He would have blushed if he were human. No, he previously had not known that. "I return the sentiment, Kaira Tenary." He stood and prepared to exit her quarters. "I must go and reclaim what sleep I may. I do not have duty tomorrow and I am looking forward to relinquishing my fatigue."

"So you're sleeping in tomorrow?" she asked.

"I thought that is what I expressed," he said as she laughed at the disguised annoyance on his face.

"Enjoy your sleep, sir. And thank you so much."

"Make your decision in your own time and do not feel pressured to do so any quicker than you ordinarily would."

"I'll heed that advice, sir."

Afterward for the next few weeks, the two found themselves doing things together more than usual. The rumors remained, but they didn't care. They knew nothing was going on between them. Kaira slowly lost the impulse to address him as 'sir' and that was when Sarkaal knew he'd made a true friend for life and an equal.


	5. The Away Mission From

The Away Mission From...

They were stuck in a cave. Commander Riker, Lt. Commander Sarkaal, Dr. Crusher, Deanna Troi and Data were in their own little no-win scenario. There were two openings to the cave. To the right opening, just outside, there were angry members of the Nation of Tith'amow. Apparently they had a deep-seated taboo against artificial life.

When they'd first realized what Data was, they wanted to immediately consign him to the fire since that was the only thing that would release the soul his mechanized body 'stole' by coming into existence; that way it could be released to enter a 'real person'. This did not go over well with the Away Team. Their hosts had been stocking firewood in a pit and adding kindling even as Sarkaal was attempting to speak with them about the logic of assuming Data's coming to life had 'stolen' a soul from their before-afterlife (as they called it). They were more than offended since they felt every soul in the universe came from there.

Needless to say, the Away Team found themselves running for their lives.

"Commander Riker to _Enterprise_, five to beam up!" he shouted as they continued to run. Now the Tith'amow were hurling projectiles at them!

"We shall have to send a shuttlecraft, Commander," Captain Picard informed him. "The transporters have begun to receive some form of interference from the planet. The source is unverifiable at this time."

"Yes, sir, we'll take cover until then. Riker out!" he said as they all continued to run.

"Perhaps we may take shelter in that outcropping of cave systems!" announced Data as he effectively ran past Commander Riker.

"My thought exactly," responded Riker, almost out of breath as Lt. Commander Sarkaal passed him next.

As they entered one of the caves, they noticed the Tith'amow were none too eager to come near the cave system. But they were still hurling projectiles anytime one of them showed their face at the mouth of the opening.

"This is becoming tiresome," announced Sarkaal with a hint of disgust in his voice.

"I agree," said Deanna vehemently.

"Perhaps the discharge of our phasers, on stun, on a wide dispersal arch would discourage them from the area any longer," suggested Commander Data.

Riker nodded. Himself and Data went to the mouth of the cave with their phasers, set them on wide beam and 'stun' and let the Tith'amow have it. Once they saw two large swaths of their people drop in place after getting hit with the flashing lights of the phasers, the rest of them ran away.

"That'll settle things until they come back with the heavy stuff," said Riker as him and Data made their way back into the cave.

The entire time, Lt. Commander Sarkaal was using his Tri-corder to see if he could decipher whatever could be known about the cave system they'd entered. "Sir, the caves are made of an alloy unknown to us. Whatever it is, it is impenetrable by transporter technology."

"They've somehow jammed the transporters so we won't be getting help there anyway. Is there anymore information?"

"Yes, sir," answered Sarkaal. "I'm also picking up a massive life form in an adjoining cave parallel to ours. There is a small opening at the back of this cave, however it also leads to another hall-like chamber where the life form is currently residing. There seem to also be-"

"Massive life form?" asked Riker, eyes wide with controlled concern.

Sarkaal provided him with the dimensions and the Away Team suddenly felt very small compared to it. "However, sir," added the Vulcan. "It may be possible to sneak past the life form and out of the back opening of the cave. The chamber it is currently at rest in is connected to a hall connected to our cave, but it is too large to fit through it."

Riker looked at each member of the Away Team. "Let's do it." He asked one last question. "How long do you think it will take?"

"According to my Tri-corder readings, if we make good time and with adequate breaks to avoid injuries due to fatigue, we may be able to exit the back of the cave system within seven hours. You should be warned, however, that temperatures at certain locations within the cave top 99.987 degrees."

"Anyone up for a hot nature hike?" smiled Riker as Dr. Crusher smiled and rolled her eyes.

"Why don't we have the shuttle meet us at the mouth of the cave?" asked Dr. Crusher.

"The Natives fear of this creature is not as strong as their anger toward Data for stealing the soul he possesses," said Deanna. "In a few hours their bravery will be bolstered by religious zeal and being here can only lead to a bad ending. The time it would take to wait for the shuttle to arrive at this opening and they could get brave enough to come looking for us all at the last place they saw us enter. Here."

Before they shoved off on their cave crawl, they put in a call to the _Enterprise_ to apprise them of their decision. They also let them know the approximate location of the cave opening and how long it might take them to reach there.

"We will endeavor to have the shuttle there on time, Number One, but not a minute before," said Picard. "We would not want to alert the Natives to where Lt. Commander Data may be escaping the fiery judgment of their pantheon for the time being."

"Yes, sir," laughed Commander Riker.

During their walk, Dr. Crusher continually scanned every member of their team to ensure no one was on the verge of exhaustion or heat stroke while Deanna found herself observing Lt. Commander Sarkaal. Nearly a year and a half had gone by since her friend, Lieutenant Kaira Tenary, helped him become more personable to his subordinates. She had had limited conversations on the exact methods Kaira used, but being able to observe the Vulcan with her own eyes she had to admit, he now gelled well with his fellow crew members. It was also a well-known fact that the Lt. Commander and Lieutenant Tenary had become quite good friends. At first, rumors abounded. But when no one saw any telltale signs of a love affair (leaving one another's quarters late at night or first thing in the morning, being inseparable, giving one another 'eyes' across a room) the idiotic rumors stopped. They'd officially entered the annals of being in a platonic friendship that was free of suspicion.

She wondered how Kaira managed to not fall in love with the Vulcan. Since his 'overhaul' the women of the _Enterprise_ couldn't help but notice his very nice face and long almost lean body. She could feel the shift in the attention of females in a room whenever he entered; all eyes were on him. The Lt. Commander's cool exterior and good looks caused women to almost-swoon. And now that he stood still and actually listened to sentences coming out of everyone's mouths, Deanna noticed many a female blush to have his steady attention turned on them. She found herself almost laughing out loud at their behavior but she would never tell a soul why. She couldn't help but wonder if the Lt. Commander knew how the females of the _Enterprise_ felt in his presence? Was he simply pretending he didn't notice?

At one point during their walk, way before they reached the adjoining chamber with the sleeping monster, they stopped for a break during which time the Lt. Commander spoke with her. "If I may, counselor," he addressed her.

The other members of the Away Team were in their own conversations while still carefully observing their surroundings. She nodded to the place next to her and he sat.

"I never took the opportunity to thank you, Counselor Troi, for choosing Lieutenant Tenary to handle my case."

She smiled. "I almost never get thank you's for trying to help superiors with complaints from subordinates."

"It was a necessary thing," he said. "Logic dictates one must not fight the necessary in order to grow."

"I quite agree," she said.

"Had it not been for you, I would not be experiencing one of the richest friendships it has been my privilege to know."

She couldn't help but smile at the very handsome man. "I appreciate your letting me know. Sometimes I wonder if my job, what I do, is worthwhile. Feedback like yours lets me know it _is_ all worth it."

"There is one thing I need your help with, now," he said.

"Oh?"

"Perhaps I may make an appointment with you when we return to the _Enterprise_ so that I may speak with you in confidence."

This almost never…no this had never ever happened before. Vulcans did not go to Betazoids for mental help. Therefore this could not be for _his_ mental health. Then she realized- "Does this have anything to do with Lieutenant Tenary being-"

"She has not been herself, lately," he interjected, worry only in his eyes. "Please, counselor, I must speak with you in private concerning this matter."

She realized, "You know why she's gotten this way?"

"I…I suspect it is my fault."

Her interest was more than piqued and she couldn't wait to get back to the ship now. "All right, Lt. Commander. When we get back we can talk."

They continued on their way. As they got closer to the center of the cave where the large beast slept in the adjoining hallway cluster, the temperature rose steadily.

"I think now I know what it feels like to get cooked," whispered Beverly Crusher as she took readings on everyone in the party.

"Poor Hansel and Gretel," joked Deanna.

"Poor witch," countered Commander Riker with a huge grin.

Sarkaal did not know of whom they all spoke and his face bespoke his confusion. "Ask Lieutenant Tenary to tell you the story," Deanna answered his unspoken question. "I think it might put a smile on her face."

Data's face also showed confusion, but for a different reason. "I do not see how the story of a witch that-"

"Data," interrupted Deanna, "trust me on this one." She turned to Sarkaal. "Ask her to tell you the story of Hansel and Gretel. I'm sure her mother told it to her at one time or another."

Still confused, Data merely nodded and continued walking. "I would suggest, Commander," he said two minutes later, "that at the present rate we are traveling we should rest now. When next we resume, ten minutes after that we should remain silent, not even use our Tri-corders, until we are past the adjoining hallway chamber connected to the large life form."

Commander Riker looked at Lieutenant Commander Sarkaal whom said, "I concur with Commander Data's assessment. Silence may be the key in this situation."

"What if his senses aren't hearing based, but based on his sense of smell or even the feeling of vibrations through the ground, something of that nature?" asked Commander Riker, halfway joking as they stopped to rest, not expecting anything but a serious answer from the Vulcan.

Sarkaal thought for a second and gave a response he'd often heard Kaira use, but in his own way. "Then we shall be akin to one trapped in a state of wading hip-deep in excrement, Commander."

So caught off guard, Riker, Troi and Crusher found themselves holding in deep belly laughs. "I think I hurt my chest," said Riker as he recovered.

Dr. Crusher was wiping tears from her eyes, having laughed so hard while holding it in. "A joke, Commander Sarkaal?" she asked him.

"No humor was intended," he promised with the raise of one eyebrow.

After their rest, they continued on. They maintained silence the rest of the way. Just as they reached the small opening, which was actually as big as a man, several things happened that caused the hackles to raise on the backs everyone there, except perhaps Data; and in his own way, he experienced a state of alarm. The heat in the chamber rose to just past 100 degrees farenheit. The sensation was radiating from the other chamber in waves of fog. They also heard a sound that made their blood grow a little cold despite the surrounding heat; breathing, a deep, heavy breathing, like the sound of some large being in a deep slumber.

They continued on and made it almost past the chamber and then heard a very large, angry snort, as if the beast were about to awaken. Without saying a word, Commander Riker motioned for them to double time it out of there. But it seemed to be worthless at that point. Whatever the thing was, it was awake. It gave off a low growl. They all realized that it knew they were there.

Not even trying to mask their footfalls any longer, the Away Team began to run. They knew they were less than twenty minutes from the opening of the cave. They also knew that that thing could run down the tunnel and come out of the other opening and eat them and their shuttlecraft. They had to pick up the pace.

On the way through, within less than sixty seconds after hearing the thing grunt and growl, it gave off a high-pitched, outraged bellow. And just like that, Dr. Crusher felt herself frozen to the spot. "Beverly!" yelled Commander Riker as the rest of them paused to see what had happened.

She felt the fear shake out of her and continued on her way as the rest the team ran for their lives. But it wasn't going to be that simple. The beast, whatever it was, began to bang at the cave from the other side with its massive body. It may not have been in the same cave with them, but it produced the desired effect. Rocks began to come free at the top of the cave and everyone found themselves dodging as they ran. Data, capable of running faster than any of them, grabbed the crewperson nearest him which happened to be Dr. Crusher, and took off up the passageway. On his way, he also grabbed Counselor Troi and kept going. Sarkaal was able to run at a high enough speed, but Commander Riker was not as fast. A rock came crashing down and got the Commander in the back. He found himself sprawled on the floor.

Hands reached out and grabbed him, tried to lift him. "Get out of here, Lieutenant Commander Sarkaal. That's an order!" he barked.

"With respect, sir, NO!" said Sarkaal as he hefted the Commander up with his superior strength.

"Dammit, man, I gave you an order!" said Riker. Just then, another rock came crashing down and found the commander's head. He was silent after that.

Sarkaal dragged the much bigger man along with him as he ran. It obstructed his ability to run as quickly as he needed to, but he did it. He didn't have time to worry about why the commander was no longer speaking and had gone limp.

As the shuttlecraft touched down Geordi at first did not see the members of the Away Team. But he did notice the rocks of the cave system seeming to shake and rattle. There was no earthquake registering on his sensors, so what the—

Added to it all, the outraged, angry Tith'amow were beginning to converge on the location having seen where the shuttle was being landed by Lieutenant Commander Worf. And then- "There they are!" shouted Worf.

Data exited the rock face first, dragging along both the Doctor and Deanna. He flew into the shuttlecraft while pulling the women in with him. "Commander Riker and Lt. Commander Sarkaal are presumably behind me. We must disembark immediately after they board!" he shouted as he also noticed the Tith'amow coming closer. There were more of them now than there had been before. And then there was that high pitched screech from the beast, once again.

Just when things began to get uncomfortable, they saw Lt. Commander Sarkaal exiting the cave system carrying Commander Riker's body. As soon as the two of them hit the deck of the shuttle craft, Worf simultaneously closed the hatch and lifted her off. Geordi jumped up to help with Riker's body. They began cruising up into the altitude and saw the Tith'amow hurling spears at them. They also saw a large beast, big enough to be compared to a four story building, emerge from the other side of the rock face, run into the field and begin eating some of the Tith'amow.

Dr. Crusher, however, noticed none of this. She was busy working on Commander Riker as Geordi looked at his bio-readings via his visor, noting that he was still sufficiently warm. She glanced over at Sarkaal to ask him what had happened and then saw a wound on him. "Lt. Commander!" she gasped. "You're injured."

The adrenaline having shut off in his body, Sarkaal's blood began to flow, just then. Something had produced an angry gash in his side and given the excitement of the situation they'd been in, he hadn't noticed. Copious amounts of green blood spilled out of him in an almost gush. "Do not worry, Doctor," he said as he began to feel woozy. Laying himself out onto the floor of the shuttle, he instructed her, "Call Dr. Selar, she will tell you what to do. I must enter healing trance this instant if I am to survive." And like that, he closed his eyes, relaxed, concentrated and entered a state of deep meditation. He shut off all non-essential functions in his body and set them all toward stopping the flow of blood to the injury.

Kaira felt like the weight of the world was on her shoulders. She had, thus far, avoided thinking about the situation she found herself in. She didn't know what she was going to do. To make matters worse, Sarkaal had promised to stop by after he came back from his away mission. But when she checked the duty roster, they were past-due already. She had a funny queasy feeling in her stomach and hoped he was all right.

Her communicator went off and she tapped it. "Miles?" she whispered.

"They're back," he said, still at his duty station, so he was also whispering. "But they didn't beam in. They took a shuttlecraft."

"Thanks, Miles," she said. He'd owed her one and he'd paid it off handsomely.

"Kaira, listen…Sarkaal, he's injured. Dr. Crusher said it looks bad."

She was in sickbay in less than five minutes. "What are you doing here?" asked Dr. Crusher. The nurse had come and informed the doctor that Lieutenant Tenary was looking for Sarkaal. She would have to figure out how the lieutenant discovered so quickly what had gone wrong. She suspected that even the _Enterprise_'s grapevine did not flow that swiftly.

"I came to see about Sarkaal…Lt. Commander Sarkaal."

Crusher put down her Tricorder. Riker was resting comfortably and would be up in less than two hours. But Sarkaal- "Dr. Selar is taking care of him now. She's still in surgery." A pang of guilt struck the doctor. There was a chance of death for Sarkaal but she couldn't let on.

"What happened to him?" she asked, feeling a slight pang of panic.

"He was injured on the Away Mission, it's all I can say."

"But why can't you?" she asked.

"You're not next of kin, I can't discuss his case with you," said Dr. Crusher.

"What if…what if-" She was grasping at empty air and came up with something off the top of her head. "What if I said I was his fiancée…or something?"

Dr. Crusher held back a sad smile. "I know he's your best friend, but if the Commander regains consciousness and hears he's suddenly engaged-"

"Oh, all right," she said, deflated. "You can't blame me for trying. May I wait around to see what's going to happen?" she asked.

"You most certainly can," said Dr. Crusher. "Come this way."

Lieutenant Tenary found herself being awakened in the wee hours of the a.m. by Dr. Selar, the Vulcan physician on the _Enterprise_.

"Lieutenant, awaken," said the Healer.

Kaira's eyes snapped open to see the female Healer looking down at her. She hadn't realized it was possible to fall asleep sitting up…then she remembered her Academy days. Oh, yes it was. "I'm up," she said quickly. "Sarkaal?" she asked the doctor.

"He is stabilized after surgery, but he is still in Healing trance." She seemed to think about something for a minute. "Both Dr. Crusher and myself have been on duty for many hours. I know your people engage in a form of healing trance, just as Vulcans do."

"You want me to stay with him in case he needs help reaching consciousness?" asked Kaira.

"Yes."

She nodded. "Of course."

Kaira came undone on the inside, seeing him that way. As soon as Dr. Selar walked away, her face fell. "Oh, sir," she whispered, falling back into her old pattern of speech toward him. She was so used to seeing him as invulnerable, strong, wiser than herself. And here he was, prone in that medical bed, almost dead to the world. And her mind seized on that word. _Dead. He looks just like he's dead._ She couldn't handle that thought and had to gulp back several quick breaths to avoid tears. _No, he's fine. He's had surgery and has come out all right. As I stand here his body is healing him and he will call for assistance any minute now to awaken and I have to stay focused on that._

She sighed tiredly. She had duty in the morning. It was going to be a rough day, indeed.

Sarkaal began to struggle towards consciousness, but not until nearly noon. Dr. Selar was there to slap him back into the world of the living, the pain enabling him to anchor himself back to a place outside his mind. His eyes opened and he was surprised to see the doctor standing there. He had almost been sure he'd sensed Kaira there most of the time. Without shame, he looked up at Dr. Selar and enquired in Vulcan, "_Where has she gone?_"

"_She had duty this morning. She left an hour before her shift_," answered the doctor in the same language. She knew the two were best friends, perhaps even close enough to be called _T'hy'la_ to one another. Time would tell.

It was a wonder to him that the doctor knew of whom he spoke. Almost instantly he wished to see Deanna Troi. It was important for him to find out how to help Kaira out of the predicament she found herself in. He felt solely responsible. He made an appointment for that very night.

Tenary came by to see him, later that day, two hours before he was released from sickbay. And things were still strange between them. "Sir," she said as she stood next to his bed.

Though he would never admit it in a public square in the light of day, it hurt to hear her call him 'sir' again. They had gotten so far past that already. He realized she didn't know how to act around him anymore. She even seemed to freeze up around Dr. Selar, now. He vowed he would do whatever it took to help her; he would even become pushy if he needed to. "Kaira," he said her first name on purpose.

An emotion hit her in the throat and she struggled with it as she looked away from him. "Please, don't-" She nodded almost roughly, as if it would stop the tears. "I was so worried about you," she whispered.

"There is nothing wrong with that," he said as he turned her face to look at him. She hadn't slept all night.

"Isn't there? Worry is an emotion." Even as she said it, a tear was slipping down her face.

"I want you to promise to come to my quarters, tomorrow morning," he said. "We are both off duty at that time. We must speak about this, once and for all."

"It's not your responsibility to-"

He seized her hand almost forcefully, his grip still strong though he was just getting over being wounded. Behind his eyes she got a clue as to who he might have been had he have been born before the time of Surak. "Kaira!" he said, low and almost angry. "How could you call me 'friend' if I abandoned you at a time like this?"

She nodded and pushed him away physically and opened her mind just enough to give him a mental 'shove'. "You just got injured, mister. You worry about 'you' right now and we'll figure out my situation later, all right?"

He knew she would not take anything else for an answer, especially since she'd used her telepathic ability to shove him away. She'd never used her abilities with him before. Why did the first time have to be her pushing him away? He simply nodded in the affirmative, agreeing to figure out her situation later. But it was not a lie; to him 'later' was 'tomorrow'.

Deanna welcomed Lieutenant Commander Sarkaal into her office. "Sit down," she offered him a seat. "Get comfortable. You may even recline if you wish to do so," she said.

He lifted his hand in a gesture of 'no thank you' to the thought of lying down and simply sat down across from her. "I speak with you now, at this moment, because you are a friend of my friend and you know her quite well, is that not so?" he asked.

She nodded. "Kaira and I speak with one another often. She would have made a fine counselor, but chose not to walk that path."

"I know you have a policy of confidentiality," he said, only wishing to clear certain things up before proceeding.

"Unless there is criminal activity, what you tell me stays with me. And even then, it depends on the criminal activity."

He fought back a sighed. "No, nothing criminal. And there is much to tell. There are things Vulcans do not discuss with…" he paused at the word and used it anyway. "Out-worlders." He let her know, "What I tell you now, I know you will not repeat, not only because you are a counselor, but because it is not your way as a person. There are confessions to be made and things to be told in order for you to understand the inner and outer particulars of what is plaguing Kaira at this time."

She had a feeling she was about to learn more about Vulcans than she'd ever anticipated knowing in a lifetime.

"The lieutenant is undergoing an…identity crises, I believe it is called," he informed Deanna. "And it is, I suspect, partially my fault."

"How can her identity crises be your fault?" asked Deanna.

"Because I was insistent about her reading her father's research."

Deanna sat, stunned, as Sarkaal explained to her, in depth, about The Sundering and the psychological effect it seemed to have had on the Vulcan people. Then he went into the effect it seemed to have had on those races whose ancestors had been Vulcans, Kaira's father in particular. Repressive regimes had attempted to keep the information down in all of the races that sprang from The Sundering, but the populaces knew they sprang from elsewhere, even the children knew. In most cases, like with most Romulans, they felt disdain for a home that, according to how they saw it, left them no choice but to leave so long ago. They felt cast off, though they often forgot it was they who, in desperation, decided to leave.

He told her about her father's research, Kaira taking her time to read it, its findings…so the Beleine _were_ one of the peoples Sundered from Vulcan and by the grace of fortune had not died in the crossing to what was supposed to have been Romulus but for them wound up becoming their current home world. He then told how he'd called several of the researchers to speak with them and how two had asked to see Kaira for their own reasons. "Thev'elin, the scientist, he knew Kaira as a child and she had no apprehension about seeing him again, meeting his family for the first time. But the healer, Sowlon-" Sarkaal paused.

"She had reservations about seeing him?" asked Deanna.

"No," he admitted. "I did. And I vowed that I could not allow my friend, one of my only friends, to see him on her own. When the ship announced its stop at Vulcan just a few weeks later, she decided on her own that it was time to meet what she felt her father had been putting together for her. So we went together."


	6. That First Trip to Vulcan

That First Trip to Vulcan

It wasn't like her to make a decision so quickly. But the Enterprise was stopping off at Vulcan in two weeks and would be there, in orbit, for over a week. She was a little bit excited. She didn't know why, it wasn't as if she expected anything exciting to happen. Honestly, she thought it would be just a little bit boring. But she was more than ready to step onto the world of the forebears of her forebears. And in no time, the trip was upon them.

As Sarkaal and Kaira beamed down, she felt instant heat and warmth. It was comforting to her. Beleine was also a hot planet and she was thankful that she was used to this type of heat. The red atmosphere, however, was going to take some getting used to.

They'd beamed down to Sarkaal's family home and he took her to meet his family. She felt no apprehension about that in any way as his mother offered her water from their house. She met his sister, T'Maar. She was the one that had inspired Sarkaal to step outside his comfort zone. She happened to be visiting from Earth at that time and had brought her best friend, a human girl named Valerie.

Sarkaal's parents indicated they were honored to meet anyone Sarkaal found occasion to call 'friend'. She realized then that Sarkaal didn't have friendships scattered all over the place. She of course told his parents she was honored to meet the parents of a man that was so talented in the field of genetics. "If it hadn't been for men like him, I wouldn't be here," she said.

His parents asked, "You are half human?"

"And half Beleine," she informed them.

They nodded. "Yes, we remember an Ambassador of Beleine by the name of Ryatek Tenary. Would you happen to be his progeny?" asked his father.

"Yes, I am his daughter," she said as she forced herself not to smile with pride.

"He established a connection between our peoples," said his mother. "Is this your first visit here?"

"Yes," she said.

"We welcome you to Vulcan," said his father. "It is truly your second home, I am certain you are aware of that."

A small smile flitted across her face. "Yes, I suppose I do." And she was happy for that moment.

They spent half the day with his father and mother, officially in The House of Thanek. Sarkaal's father, Thanek, seemed to enjoy putting himself into the role of 'educator' of Kaira, curious of how much of Vulcan was left in the Beleine. He wanted to know of their ancient myths and legends, their festivals, their possible mental abilities. Kaira enjoyed telling him all he wished to know, he reminded her of Sarkaal so much in his own way. He was very stiff and formal, but she never had the feeling that he was judging her or her behavior. Oddly enough because of that she found herself better able to control her emotions around Sarkaal's family.

His mother, T'Zel, was unusually chatty for a Vulcan. She maintained a straight face at all times, but she was always ready to converse and Kaira also found her unendingly curious about the Beleine. It was a stress free day for her.

She slept, that night, in the same room with T'Maar and Valerie. As she drifted to sleep she was glad she'd decided to come. Sarkaal's family had been nothing but welcoming toward her. She mentally noted that The House of Thanek was one place on Vulcan she knew she would never be turned aside.

The next day they set out early to meet Thev'elin. He looked much the same as he had when last she'd seen him when she was ten. Tall, stocky and almost grey, he eagerly greeted her as they came to the door of his home. "Kaira," he said as he held his hand up in the ta'al greeting. "Live long and prosper, child. Enter the House of Thev'elin and take water with us."

As they did so, Kaira noted the differences in style to Sarkaal's parents' home. The colors were more muted here, but the furniture was almost exotic. Thev'elin, apparently, had a taste for the eccentric. She almost giggled. It gave the home a personality, though, and she suspected it was a lively home full of traffic.

Three young men filed in ranging in age from 20 to she suspected as much as 60. But just like her people you never could tell exactly how old they were. "These are my sons," he introduced. The eldest he brought forward, "This is Stekel, his wife works at the Vulcan Academy of Science and shall not be home for another day. She sends her greetings to you. And this," he said as he pointed to his middle son, "is Velith. He is unbonded but we are close to rectifying that situation." Then he indicated the youngest one, "And this is Tilett. He has just been accepted to the Vulcan Academy of Sciences."

She nodded at the youngest, "Congratulations, Tilett."

He inclined his head in her direction. "My sister," he said in acknowledgement.

Kaira only noticed it a little, but Sarkaal most certainly noticed it very much and his mind began to spin possibilities as to why this youngster just referred to a woman he'd only just met as 'my sister'. She introduced him to them all. "This is Sarkaal of the House of Thanek of the clan of T'Maresh'Vay," she said according to how she was learning etiquette worked on Vulcan.

"We are honored," intoned all of the males.

"And you are, to our young Kaira?" asked the eldest son, Stekel.

Sarkaal then placed why the younger man had called Kaira 'my sister'. This one had just called her 'our young Kaira'. Things were about to get complicated for his friend. "We are shipmates aboard the _Enterprise_ and we are friends."

"Is she _T'hy'la_ to you?" asked young Tilett of Sarkaal.

Thev'elin covered his son's breach of etiquette by simply saying to Sarkaal, "Tilett is still very young." In other words, _forgive his rudeness, he has not yet even known his first Fires_.

The young man took the cue for what it was and stepped out of the conversation. "I shall leave you," he said as he departed the room. "I have much studying to do."

Kaira knew what had just happened and she actually felt badly for the young man. She did not ever want to go back to being that young and socially awkward! The other two men of the household, however, were both older than him and older than her. "Shall we stay, father?" asked the eldest son.

Thev'elin nodded. "No. I think perhaps speaking with young Kaira and telling her what her father and I found will be enough for today."

"But it is fact. I do not understand how she would not-" began his middle son.

"It is her choice," said Thev'elin in a tone of voice that said 'do not test me'.

The two remaining men looked at one another and then left. As his sons departed, Thev'elin asked them both to sit. "I am pleased you decided to visit us so soon after my request," he said, "but I most certainly hope I did not have the element of haste implied with my words."

"No, not at all," said Kaira. "Honestly, according to what Sarkaal mentioned you were quite clear that it was to be done in my own time."

Thev'elin looked at him and nodded, the only form of thanks Sarkaal would receive and logically so. Then he turned his attention back to Kaira. "If I may ask, what reason have you come here so soon? Six months have barely passed since my request was voiced. Was it curiosity that brought you here so quickly or something else?"

She knew Thev'elin was a man she could trust so decided to tell the truth. "Honestly, I decided to visit so soon because the Enterprise is in orbit on some other matter for a little over a week. And also because a Healer by the name of Sowlon asked for my presence as well as yourself while Sarkaal was making enquires into my father's research. This Healer seemed quite…eager to make my acquaintance personally."

Thev'elin did not seem to be surprised. Then again she suspected he would never outwardly appear surprised at a thing, his control was so intact. "Sowlon. Yes. We shall deal with that subject later."

The beginnings of nausea hit her just then and she forced herself to maintain control. She did not have the meditational disciplines Sarkaal and his people had, but having grown up on Beleine she'd learned how to hide her true feelings long ago. If you showed the wrong thing to the wrong person on her father's world, you could find yourself executed by a warlord or even the Abukan himself because someone could use your weaknesses against you.

"Your father and I did much digging for a certain reason. I shall get to the point quickly and not string this out longer than necessary. You noticed my sons manifested a…possessiveness of nature today toward you, I am certain."

"Yes, I did," she said.

And she thought she imagined things but the ghost of a smile appeared on his face as he said, "Your surname, according to the Federation, is Tenary, but according to your father that was half the name of your clan, is that not so?"

"Yes," she said. "We don't have surnames on Beleine. The full clan name is Tenary'Orkulon. It was quite long so father shortened it for the sake of off world activities."

"Your father recited your line to me, when we met, all the way back to what he called 'The Beginning' but was actually from the time your ancestors departed the Ships after leaving Vulcan. After checking certain genetic markers, we discovered what we both suspected once I heard his clan name and he heard mine."

She felt a little bit faint. "What is your clan name?"

"I am of Clan T'Nary'Orlon."

She nodded but at first it wasn't sinking in. And then it was sinking in. "Ah yes, I see."

"When I spoke of this to my sons they immediately took it to the next level without my express approval. Forgive them, they were young at the time of this discovery. I explained that all things must first be considered by you. You do, after all, possess the gift of free will."

She swallowed. "So you and father determined that the family line was broken from one another so long ago and you wish to-"

"Reconcile the lines to one another," he confirmed.

"I see. And how would one do that?" she asked, hoping it didn't mean marriage to one of his sons.

"If you ever had the need you could join my house, The House of Thev'elin, as a daughter. My sons would be your brothers. They have already decided in their minds you are at least their cousin and will take nothing else as fact. But your father and I discussed this long ago and we both knew it would be for naught if you did not wish it. It is entirely your decision."

The fact that it was her decision alone made her feel much less pressure than she ordinarily might have. But she didn't understand something. "Your sons, why are they so eager to claim a sister from another world?"

Thev'elin seemed at a loss for words and looked at Sarkaal whom, up to this point, had remained silent. "Does your house have a shortage of blood females?" asked Sarkaal.

"Yes," confirmed the scientist.

He turned to her and said, "Kaira, unlike the way it seems to have formed on Beleine, on Vulcan the Clan Mother passes all things through the females of the family. The individual houses themselves are named for the males, but the clan line runs through the women. And Clan T'Nary'Orlon is short on females."

"Does this have to do with land rights?" she asked Thev'elin.

"No. The land rights go through whomever is first and second eldest, regardless of sex. But the titles go through the females. My mother is now of Clan T'Nary'Orlon and retains a title from the old days and her old clan. I hold a title through her, however I cannot bestow that title because I am a male that had nothing but males. If I had a daughter, I could bestow the title to her and she could bestow it to her children no matter what clan she entered. But T'Nary'Orlon holds a seat on the Vulcan Council through that title alone."

And suddenly her stomach dropped out from beneath her. Politics. She hated politics. "So this is about politics?" she asked, a tad bit outraged but trying not to let that slip.

"Only partially," he said. "I am old now and have no reason to hide a thing. Your father and I grew to have a true friendship and when he was lost to death I grieved that loss. I promised him if something ever befell him and the wrath of your Abukan seemed to shift to you, I was to protect you within the fold of the Vulcan branch of the family. Since you have not indicated that that is the case, you do not have to feel obligated to join my family. It is truly up to you."

She nodded, confused. So they were related…but distantly. "Honestly, after what happened to my father I have only been back home once. And I don't wish to return. But time will tell if I will accept what you offer. I will honestly consider it and think deeply on this before I make a decision."

He seemed to be satisfied with that answer. "And now we will discuss Healer Sowlon."

Sarkaal almost leaned in closer. He suspected this was about to get very…shady. "The Healer comes from the clan of Aremev," continued Thev'elin. "They have been seeking a seat on the council for many years now and have been turned down repeatedly."

"They possess no titles?" asked Kaira.

"On the contrary, they do. But they…" he paused. He was at a loss for words since he didn't want to speak ill of another family. "They carry ties to…questionable philosophies. Their logic is off kilter, hinged somewhere in the middle. One cannot tell quite where the Aremevs stand on key issues that would affect Vulcan's future. But one thing is certain, they are quite isolationist and would seek to cut the Federation out of Vulcan altogether. One more vote on the council such as theirs would turn the tide of things toward that goal. The balance of power must be maintained."

Kaira had no idea what that meant, but looking at Sarkaal's face, that couldn't be a good thing. "Then why is the Healer interested in me?"

"Because when we did the trace back of the line, it would appear that was the other family your family was connected to by blood, the T'Nary'Orlons and the Aremevs. Do not be surprised if they wish to also adopt you to obtain the seat on the council. By adopting you, it would appear they have given up their views on isolationism and it would give them a bigger chance at obtaining the seat on the council. And if they cannot adopt you, do not be surprised if they wish you to marry one of their sons to carry the title to their family, thus making it seem that they no longer have their views on isolationism and that would, once again, put them into a top spot for a seat on the council."

"Why would me joining their family make it appear that-" And she stopped in place and remembered, she was half Human. "Oh." The more she thought of it, the more troubled she felt. She was beginning to feel a little bit sicker. She was out of her league. She was apparently in a game of politics on a world she did not understand, a position she wouldn't wish on her worst enemy. And she'd already committed to seeing Healer Sowlon. Perhaps, she thought, it wouldn't be all that bad. But part of her knew it would be.

"I do not wish for you to feel distress at this situation," he said, honestly troubled at the look on her face.

Realizing her control had slipped, she forced the look off of her face and made herself remember where she was at. "I seek forgiveness," she used the phrase Sarkaal had instructed her to if she ever accidently outwardly showed emotion.

Thev'elin nodded. "Child, I would never wish you to seek forgiveness for being who you are. You are not a Vulcan and you should never be asked to become one. That is the mold into which Sowlon would wish you to be pressed. In this house you must be yourself at all times."

"But if I join your house wouldn't I represent you wherever I went?"

He nodded. "My house, not my people. The two can be separated in your case."

She felt a lump of sentiment forming in her throat. He must have been very close to her father to be protective of her this way, to let her keep so much of herself and yet still offer her so much. And then she realized… "Your sons knew my father, too."

"Yes, they did. Stekel, my eldest, took it the hardest when your father was killed. The first words out of his mouth were that we were to take custody of you to prevent your death. He wished to hide yourself and your mother here, but from the way your father explained him, I knew the Abukan of your world to be very intelligent and wise in the ways of politics and he would not make the mistake of killing an Earth woman and her child and risk a skirmish with the Federation. So my sons have been awaiting this day for years now, wishing to meet you."

Kaira felt like her head might split open at all of these things she was discovering. She looked at Sarkaal and for once had no idea what he was thinking. Not a line on his face showed. She didn't know what to do or say. "If I joined your household, what would change about my life now?"

He nodded in approval. "A logical question. As a member of my house, all offers of bonding- marriage would come through me. No one would be allowed to press their suit for you directly. If you were a Vulcan many strictures and requirements would automatically be upon you, but you are not. You would be free to do whatever you wished, so long as it was not criminal or felonious. That would bring dishonor to the house. You may come to family events only when you wish and as often as you wish. You could blend with us as much or as little as you see the need to. Your will is free in this and all matters. I only wish to offer you a safe haven. And I must confess to the selfishness of wanting to bring a piece of the family back together from before The Sundering. It would be as if that branch had never left."

She sighed. Marriage. She'd forgotten all about that. Things on Beleine were arranged and since she was the daughter of a dead man out of favor it dried up all offers for her. But who ever thought she would turn to the Vulcan gene pool for a prospective mate? And what if she should wish to marry a Human instead? Would they care? But she was half Human, why would they care? She didn't know what it was proper to ask so decided to stay silent and think about this for a while. "I will consider it," she said to him.

"It is all I ask at this time," he said. And then he looked at Sarkaal. "Son of Thanek, you must promise me you will not let her out of your sight at the House of Sowlon. You must use every leverage you may to remain with her at all times."

Ordinarily, Sarkaal did not see the need to heed the advice of the head of another House on his homeworld. But the older man was, technically, the closest relative his friend possessed in this part of the system. He bowed his head to Thev'elin in agreement. "I will not leave her side, honored Elder."

On their way from Thev'elin's, Sarkaal saw that his friend looked to be in a fog. "May I ask, please, what you are thinking?" he finally said after they were walking ten minutes.

She was glad she'd taken the option to walk with him instead of riding in a hired vehicle. But the night air wasn't helping her thoughts. This place was not her home and even the air smelled different. It occurred to her, "I am never going home again." One tear slipped free from her eyes and she scrambled to wipe it away.

"You are certainly not barred from-"

"I joined Starfleet, Sarkaal. I've been lying to myself ever since then, telling myself I can go back to Beleine whenever I want. But the truth is I knew the moment I enlisted that that part of my life was over. The Abukan's memory is long and he will always keep me in a state of being a shadow on our world. I will never even be allowed to marry anyone from there since no one will arrange a marriage for the daughter of a man guilty of treason. And what if I do not wish to marry at all? What then? It seems to be a duty here on Vulcan, to marry. I have to decide if I would be willing to do that at all."

He didn't say a word. She had never once indicated how dire things back home were for her. Yet she'd gone on with her life as if she had not a care in the world. "Then what is the harm of coming here, making your home on Vulcan?"

She wanted to shout at him but knew it was useless. "Because I am not a Vulcan," she whispered.

"You do not have to become one. Thev'elin himself has confirmed that."  
"I wouldn't want to join a Vulcan household and not know what I was doing, not know the ins and outs of everything, the etiquette, the duties, the right and wrong way to say and express my thoughts. I would always be someone who is an outsider…an _out-worlder_," she said harshly, using the word that was close to an epithet on Vulcan.

Fortunately for him, not a soul was on the street, because his reaction was very sharp. "Do not ever refer to yourself as such again!" he said, his eyes full of anger.

Her mood shifted as she looked closely at his eyes. "Sarkaal, you've never seen me as an out-worlder…why?"

He didn't know why so he never answered. He simply squelched his anger, reminded himself he would have to meditate for a longer period of time that night and kept on walking.

The day was long and the night was even longer. Once she finally got to bed, Kaira lay awake and listened to the breathing of both T'Maar and Valerie in the darkness. She was having more than a hard time falling asleep, she had a good old fashioned case of insomnia.

The only thing that made joining Thev'elin's house appealing was the fact that they had all known her father and felt a great deal for him, that much was certain even without them admitting to it. She didn't care about the title she would attain, but she did understand the almost-sentiment Thev'elin had of wanting to reconcile a branch of the family thought long gone. And it was there in the form of 'her'. It felt like a lot to carry on one set of shoulders. Dishonor at home or honor and a title on a planet not her home? It had been home to her ancestors but it was not _her_ home. Would it ever be? Could it ever be?

And she was dreading appearing at the House of Sowlon. She wished she'd not gone to Vulcan so soon. She wished she'd researched Clan Aremev before leaving the _Enterprise_. It was too late now. After hours of tossing and turning, she finally fell asleep.

The next day, Kaira awoke and felt a lot more positive than she had the night before. Sarkaal saw her alone, briefly, on the way to the dining area and she smiled brightly at him. He had been in a near state of anxiety the night before when they'd returned home. It took longer than usual to enter meditation but he'd finally been able to do so and was able to sleep with his mind unfettered. Whatever she decided, he would stand by his friend.

"You are better today?" he asked.

"Yes, I am," she said. "Things always look better after a night of rest. I'm ready to tackle the House of Sowlon, now."

After eating, they did just that.

It was too far to walk, as they'd done for the House of Thev'elin the day before. They would have to take a ground vehicle. Sarkaal drove as Kaira enjoyed this new experience of seeing Vulcan whiz by at an almost blur. "You drive_ fast_ here!" she said.

"Vulcan reflexes make it possible," he mentioned. She knew a joke when she heard one and laughed as he raised an eyebrow in her direction as he continued driving.

Once they'd parked, though, the feeling of dread overwhelmed her again. Because she saw the family property and didn't like the look of it. It was certainly quite lovely from the outside. The use of black volcanic ash as a main decoration was a little unique and quite beautiful. But it was the type of decoration that adorned the outside that bothered Kaira. Most Vulcan homes ascribed to not drawing attention to themselves. But this one had etchings in the whole upper part of the house of the ancient pantheon of Vulcan gods and goddesses along with their clan name in Vulcan script around the entire outside portion just underneath the roof. "Why is that creepy to me?" she whispered.

"Because it is discouraged, overall," he whispered back as they strolled up the walkway.

They rang and Healer Sowlon answered the door himself. He looked not at all surprised to see Kaira, but his face showed…a carefully closed nature as he surveyed Sarkaal. "For what reason have you come, son of Thanek?"

Kaira knew that was flat out rude and almost stepped away from the house. Only a look by Sarkaal stopped her in her tracks. "I am here with Kaira as a companion to see to her interests," said the son of Thanek.

"Would thou imply we mean harm to thy friend?" asked the older man in ancient Vulcan.

"What is _is_, and what shall happen remains to be seen," answered Sarkaal in Federation standard. "However she is not of this world-"

"Respectfully, she is," interjected the Healer.

"And," continued Sarkaal as if Sowlon had not spoken, "she is unfamiliar with our ways. I am simply with her to ensure her security of mind."

"We are as good as her family, we would not do harm to her," he said as he turned his attention to Kaira. "The connection cannot be denied. Please, enter my home," he offered.

There was another breach of etiquette, once they entered, as Kaira was offered water but Sarkaal was not. Her friend gestured to her, insisting she drink, while Sowlon's back was turned and as he turned back around she did so, in his full view. Kaira was then offered a place to sit but Sarkaal was not. It was clear he was more than not welcome there. "Is it necessary to speak of family affairs with this outsider present?" asked Sowlon of Kaira.

It was only by thinking of him as a spy from her Abukan that she clamped down severely on her control. She used the word she knew would stop all enquiries about Sarkaal being present. "He is my advisor and I trust his opinion above all others. You will suffer his presence so that I may feel at ease, yes?" she said charmingly, her eyes all sugar and innocence.

Sarkaal had never seen that side of her and got a peek into how she must have had to have behaved on Beleine all her life. How must it have been for her as a child to hide behind a smile and insincere words to simply survive? What a horror. And why would she wish to return there? Then he looked at Sowlon and remembered, he was of his race and this was his home as well as his. And this current face-off was a side effect of the politics of his world. He supposed one took the good and the bad of their planet in full stride. He resolved to never again disrespect her home world in his mind.

"Please explain to me why you refer to me as a member of your family?" she asked, face still appearing open and innocent. Sarkaal saw through it, unlike anyone who did not know her.

The healer sat down across from her seemingly pleased with himself. "I read your father's research, we knew one another for over five years. Did you know that?"

"I gathered as much from his personal papers," she blatantly lied.

He continued on, appearing to feel he was on safe ground. "Your father's father's line is traced through the Aremev, my clan."

_However, here all is through the female. That I knew before I arrived here, though I did not indicate to even Thev'elin I knew that._ "How very interesting. Tell me more," she said as she sat back comfortably. But Sarkaal saw that the way she crossed her fingers, she most certainly was not comfortable. She never crossed her hands together that way.

"Though I know the T'Nary'Orlons have petitioned to adopt you, the claim should be from your father's father's line, therefore you should stay with us. Had your mother not been human, things might have been different."

Sarkaal picked up a slight harshness when the word 'Human' was spoken by him. No, they did not like her Human blood. But they wanted that seat on the council. They must have wanted it very badly. Kaira was not oblivious to the tone of things; she had also picked up on the word but pretended she heard nothing. "Tell me," she said with a straight face, her smile gone, "where is the rest of the family? I was quite looking forward to meeting them." She maintained the innocent look, though.

"They are not here," he said.

She nodded. Strike three. No other family members, rude to her friend, didn't like Humans. He was just racking it up, wasn't he? "Tell me honestly," she said, the sweet innocent look still on her face. "Why should I join your family?"

He leaned forward and said to her, "I will tell you, but not in his hearing."

Kaira thought about it for a split second and realized she wanted to get out of that house. "We will step outside and Sarkaal shall step away from us and then we will speak with one another, yes?"

He nodded as he thought. "Yes, that is a logical way to satisfy both our needs."

She was relieved to be outside, but she was still in the presence of the creepy Healer. Outwardly he didn't appear to have a thing wrong with him. There was nothing wrong with the way he dressed, his voice, he didn't even have body odor. But there was something about _him_… As soon as Sarkaal was far enough away, but still in her line of sight he said, "You wish to know why you should join my House?"

She nodded. "I do."

"Power," he said as he looked down into her face. "You would have power you previously did not have. You would receive several titles, instantly, simply for being adopted by me. Our family would receive a seat on the Vulcan Council and you would hold a high position in our society from that moment on."

"Power for the sake of power is not logical," she said.

He nodded. "So you have studied our way of things. A little more time and intense lessons and you will blend just as well as any other Vulcan. Simply put aside your human heritage, embrace this world and leave all else behind. And as to Power, so long as it is used correctly there is nothing illogical about the pursuit of it. Imagine, you can effect change on Vulcan through your influence and house name alone, change for the positive."

From where she was standing things were fine just the way they were. No way was this guy getting a seat on the council through her. But she led him on just a little bit more. "And under your tutelage, what changes should I bring about?"

If he could have smiled, he would have. "The Federation, for one; is it not true they did not wish to admit your home world, Beleine? Did not your world need Federation protection from Orion Piracy? What gives them the right to refuse to accept a world in need?"

She swallowed hard. He knew how to hit her where it hurt. He must have learned about their difficulties through her father when they first met. She couldn't imagine her fathering continuing a longstanding friendship with this man, though. "And what of my Human blood?" she asked, unable to ignore what was staring her in the face. "Surely it is seen as…distasteful to you."

"I assure you," he said, "you appear to be fully Vulcan. And according to what I know from your father, your genes were allowed to be kept closer to his than your mother's. You appear, under a microscope, to be only a quarter human as opposed to half. If you married a Vulcan, the human genome might disappear completely from the resulting child's DNA."

That bothered her very much because it was most certainly true. She did not want to be in this man's family, but he presented a valid point as to why Vulcan could legitimately become her home. But turn her back on her mother? Who would think of such a thing? Apparently, he would. Her mother talked about people in the past on her world that would pretend a part of their background didn't exist and usually it involved relatives with dark skin. Fortunately those things were in the past. She looked down at the darkness of her own skin and wondered, so long ago on Earth who would have not acknowledged her in their gene pool, simply because of her color? She looked over at him. Had things changed so much, after all? Had they, really? "I will consider your offer," she said as she walked away from him.

Before she could get away completely, he hit her with, "You owe your loyalty to the world of your forebears first, young one. We produced your ancestors whom produced you. Your world will not have you back, I know this from your father's lips. And this is the only other place you may call home. Do you think you are wanted on Earth, hybrid?"

She only looked back at him once and continued on her way.

She met up with Sarkaal whom was within eye-shot, waiting for her. "Just get me out of here, please," she whispered. He could see she was holding on by a thread and hastened to get her into the ground vehicle. They were off in less than a few minutes.

The entire conversation did not sit well with her but it came back to plague her dreams. She fell asleep easily that night, but she found herself being shaken awake by T'Maar and Valerie. She opened her eyes and realized she'd been crying in her sleep. She looked up at T'Maar and said, "Please forgive me." She sat up carefully, almost dizzy.

Unexpectedly, Sarkaal's sister's eyes seemed wide with acceptance. "Do not beg forgiveness. You cannot control what happens in your sleep."

It made her put her face in her hands and bawl. Valerie rubbed her back as T'Maar ran to get her some water.

The next day she asked Sarkaal if they might return to the _Enterprise_ early.

"What did he say to you?" he asked again, for the fifth time and then she finally let him know. She'd been unable to look him in the eye through the retelling.

"What ugliness," he declared, quite troubled on her behalf. But something about the situation had messed with her mind quite deeply and she'd gone into a shell after returning to the_ Enterprise_. She would go on duty and afterward she went back to her quarters and that was it. She wouldn't go anywhere or see anyone, not even Deanna and hardly Sarkaal. When Sarkaal went to see her she would be in her quarters, lying on the ground listening to music, looking up at the ceiling. This had gone on for almost a month and then he'd gone on that Away Team mission that almost killed him.


	7. Decisions

Decisions

Deanna's mind felt nearly dazed. She never knew Vulcan possessed such political complexities let alone sideways bribery and almost-corruption. But that _was_ politics usually, wasn't it? She pulled herself back to stare at Sarkaal whom was sitting there, looking down at his hands. "Why do you think it's your fault that Kaira has introverted this past month?"

He paused for more than a heartbeat as he thought hard about her question. Then finally, "Had I have been more skillful at friendship with non-Vulcans I would have realized she was going to Vulcan much too soon. I would have said or done whatever it took for her to wait a while."

"Sarkaal, that's not logical," she said. "You know Kaira was ready in her mind and she wanted to tackle things ahead of time."

He had to concede, "Perhaps that is true. But she did not handle things too well. She is being pulled in too many directions and I do not know how to help her with that. I did not help, forcing her to stare at the cultural connection the way I did. And now I must know what I _can_ do to help her make her decision, to remove her from this state of contemplation that is now beginning to last much too long."

"You miss her," said Deanna. "It _is_ all right to miss her, Sarkaal. Sometimes we come to lean on our friends in everyday life. We expect to see them and spend time with them."

His eyebrow rose as he looked directly at her. "I do not know of what you speak. I may visit her quarters at anytime."

"Yes, but it won't be the same, not until she digs herself out of the mental hole she's in," said Deanna. She sighed and told him what he probably wouldn't want to hear. "Sarkaal, I'm going to level with you. From what I know of Kaira, she not only has already made up her mind as to what she's going to do, she's gone into this state of semi-meditation so she can figure out exactly how she's going to adjust to whatever she's already decided she's going to do."

Sarkaal absorbed that and wondered could the counselor be right? Had she already made her decision?

"Now if you want, I can tell you exactly what she needs from you, right now."

"Please do so."

"She needs the people closest to her to accept her decision and promise to be there for her no matter what it may be. She needs you and her mother to validate what she's decided. But Sarkaal I also sense that she has not told you something, and whatever it is it's very important, perhaps even traumatic. Now that, I agree, she needs for you to get it out of her. It is plaguing her terribly and until she tells someone it will rule her."

He nodded confidently. "She will tell me."

The next morning, Kaira remembered that Sarkaal would be visiting not two minutes before he rang her chimer. She put out refreshments for him and said, "Take whatever you want," as she ran to take a shower. She emerged from the bathroom ten minutes later, cleaned up, dressed and ready for him to verbally browbeat her.

But she didn't expect what came out of his mouth. "Kaira, there is something you are not telling me." It came out in a semi-accusatory way.

She sat there and didn't say a thing at first but she did try to stare him down. She knew no one accepted stonewalling as well as a Vulcan but thought she could give it a good try. "I do not know of what you speak," she threw his own regular phrase back at him, straight faced.

His mouth almost dropped open as he sat momentarily speechless. Was she mocking him? "Kaira," he said. "You will tell me the reason for your state of mind since we have returned from Vulcan. I will accept nothing less from you. It is time to speak with me now."

She looked heavenward and rolled her eyes, then looked back at him. "You have a lot to learn about women, Sarkaal."

He stood swiftly from where he was sitting and sat directly next to her. "You _will_ tell me." And his eyes held hers. When she tried to turn her head away, he gently turned her face back to look at him. "Please," he added.

Had it not been for the 'please'- Her lips began to tremble and she felt embarrassed. He was the last person she wanted to see her cry. So she looked away and began forcing back her tears. She succeeded in hold them in, but before she could help herself she was stuttering while spilling the memory. "Wh—whe—when my f- f- father died, six months after his funeral the Abukan called me. He s- s- s- said if I would not denounce my father I would l-live in exile forever. I can never go home but I never let myself remember that." She took a deep breath and tried to calm her nerves. This was difficult to speak of.

He did the math. Six months after her father died. She was only fifteen maybe sixteen at the most. She was still a child back then. "What did you say to him in return?"

"I was on Earth at the time," she said as she looked down into her lap. "I told him no, I couldn't do that to my father's memory." Her shoulders shook as tears tried to overtake her again but she won the battle once more and fought them back with anger. "He said my father was a traitor and by his order his name would never be spoken on Beleine again. I will no longer be an outcast, he said, once I denounce him and until then my name will not be spoken either. Even if it takes thirty years, if I return home and denounce my father and side with his rule, I can stay there again. He even offered for me to join him as one of his _concubines_," she spat out the word with disdain.

"Why did you never speak of this to me?" he asked, anger at the Abukan filling him.

"The memory stayed hidden until that day at the House of Sowlon. When he said I could never go home and Earth did not want me… something inside me didn't feel right after that. Like maybe it was true. When I went back to your house and went to sleep it came to me in a dream. And then I woke up and I remembered it wasn't a dream, it was a memory that had really happened and I truly couldn't go home and I might _have to_ take Vulcan as my other home."

He wondered: who puts pressure on a fifteen year old to denounce a parent? He could see why the memory would suppress itself under that brand of pressure. Now her mind felt it could finally tell her the truth since Thev'elin, a man of goodness and honor, offered her a safe haven; on the other hand, Sowlon's asinine request to forget her mother triggered the memory of something like that in her past, the request to denounce and forget her father. "So you have made a decision?" he asked.

She got up and walked away, went into a drawer and found a face towel. She washed her face quickly with cold water in the sink near her replicator. That made her feel much better and she was ready to sit down and talk again. "I think I may take Thev'elin up on his offer, but I don't want to hurt my mother."

"I see no reason why your mother would be hurt. You are simply returning to the original clan of your father. If I am not mistaken, this option is also hers to be had, not simply your own. She is a widow of the clan and would never be cast out."

That instantly made her feel much better than before. She took a deep breath in and out. "I didn't want to just leave her like that. Healer Sowlon wanted me to leave her behind, but I couldn't do such a thing. Who could do that to their own mother?"

"_I_ could not," he admitted.

"Your mother- both of your parents, were so nice to me. So was your sister. I like your family very much."

He admitted, "You fascinated my parents, the connection of your people to ours."

"A piece of the past," she said as she finally got what it was about her that captivated most Vulcans. They saw her as an active, living, breathing piece of their past.

"Yes, exactly," he said, though he personally did not see her that way.

Six months later, they returned to Vulcan and Kaira told Thev'elin, in person, her intention to join his house. She gained a foster father and three brothers and an entire clan she already technically belonged to. Her mother, on the other hand, saw no need to adjoin herself to the House of Thev'elin, but she validated her daughter's right to do so. As a parent she did call him at some point and had a confidential conversation with him as Kaira's mother. He agreed to all she stipulated for her daughter though the young lady would never know about it.

While there on Vulcan she attended several family functions and became more comfortable with the new branch of her clan. She also attended several get-togethers of Sarkaal's family, though he had been unable to take leave as long as hers. His family seemed to watch her a lot. _They really are fascinated with the past_ she thought. She wondered if they would ever get past it, no pun intended. But she didn't realize they were fascinated with _her_.

She met a young man by the name of Sorithev at one of T'Maar and Sarkaal's family functions. He was not, incidentally, a member of hers or their clan. After briefly meeting and exchanging greetings with one another, after they parted ways he seemed to follow her with his eyes everywhere she went. It was disturbing. "Is it…normal for a Vulcan male to behave in such a way?"

T'Maar, whom invited her to the function, turned to look at him. "He is single, you are single. He is probably not far from his Time. If you show you are not interested and he persists, it is then considered rude."

"I am certainly _not_ interested," she whispered to the sister of her friend while keeping a straight face and made certain not to meet the eyes of the young Vulcan male again. "And what do you mean by his Time?" On her world, males did experience the Fires, but it was not discussed in polite company.

"Has not your father had the conversation with you?" she whispered.

"What conversation is that?"

T'Maar paused, thought better of discussing that sort of topic at a family function filled with people and instead gave her a roundabout answer. "The conversation about duty and honor and marriage, the one about bridging clans and forming alliances…perhaps even saving a life in a time of emergency?"

Kaira frowned. "No."

She almost sighed. "Strange. You are at the proper age. I was given the talk two years ago. I became betrothed just this past month. And you?"

"I—I did not anticipate thinking of it so soon," she answered, struggling to keep her face neutral.

"I anticipate Thev'elin will speak with you on this, soon."

Kaira was confused. She couldn't see Thev'elin offering her a Vulcan male, especially one she did not know and she also could not see him offering her a human. What human would know to offer for her? She became just a little bit smug. "I think I'm safe for quite awhile."

"That is also what _I_ thought," admitted T'Maar.

"The one you became betrothed to, did you know him…may I ask?" she remembered to add to her question so it wasn't considered rude.

"Yes, I did know him. I attended school with him as a youth. His parents wished to bind us as children, but my parents did not wish to do so. I never understood why my brother was bound but I was not. I understand now."

"I think for a while longer I don't have to worry about it. I barely know anyone."

T'Maar nodded in agreement. "You must visit often so that you may find a mate," she said quite casually.

Kaira turned so no one would see her face and giggled, "T'Maar, the matchmaker."

"It is my duty. I am sister to your friend and I can find you the perfect match. May I do so?" she asked, almost too eagerly.

"Um…do I get to approve him before I marry him?" she asked, thinking _this is bizarre!_

"Certainly, you do have that right. Have you never heard the ancient legend of the young woman who turned down every male until the count reached forty-five rejected?"

"No, but I think I would like to hear that one before I fall asleep tonight."

"If you sleep at my house or I am invited to yours, I shall tell it to you," she promised.

Kaira received a message from the House of Sowlon the day of her departure from Vulcan back to the _Enterprise_. The honor of her presence was requested. She asked Thev'elin, "Why would I be asked to come and see them?"

He almost visibly frowned. "They have no daughters you are acquainted with?"

"No," she confirmed.

Her adopted eldest brother actually did frown. "It is not seemly for them to ask for your presence. Your choice of a clan has been made according to logic and tradition. The only reason they would summon you is an offer of one of their sons for marriage and that is not honorable. The request should reach father's ears first."

"No, my son," said Thev'elin. "It is not becoming to impute bad motives so quickly. We do not know for a fact what reason your sister has been requested by them." He looked at Kaira. "However, I will give them your regrets since you must return to your ship today."

She stopped herself from saying 'thank you' and simply nodded in acknowledgement. The House of Sowlon continually made her nervous. She thought she'd seen the last of them, so what could they want? She looked at Stekel and saw him watching her closely. "What?" she asked him.

"Do not think to answer their call," he advised.

"Of course not!" she exclaimed with a smile. Then she stood. "I have to leave now. I will come back soon," she promised as she grabbed her bag. And she meant it. It was relaxing in the House of Thev'elin. It felt good to have somewhere to call home, even if it didn't fully feel like home yet.


	8. The Cold PlaceThe Warm Place

The Cold Place/The Warm Place

Kaira worked as a subsidiary to the records department but she was still the ship's official Court Reporter. After going to Vulcan and formalizing ties with the House of Thev'elin there were a few changes aboard the _Enterprise_. Sarkaal was promoted to full Commander. Kaira threw him a congratulatory party in 10-Forward complete with cake and champagne which he, of course, found 'highly illogical' but attended anyway.

Kaira received a new superior not four months later, one Lieutenant Commander Buyers. New to the _Enterprise_, he was a tall, loud-mouthed bulldozer of a man. Though her dossier said she was of the race of Beleine and raised there and on Earth, all he knew was she had pointed ears, green blood and looked like a Vulcan. He didn't miss the fact that the young lady was actually born on Vulcan, either. He didn't like Vulcans. He let her know by his actions that he did not like_ her_.

At first she wondered if she were imagining things. She buckled down harder and did her duty even better which, strangely, seemed to cause the superior officer to dislike her even more. So used to being lorded over by those in power since her youth, it never occurred to her to complain formally. But others noticed and complained on her behalf. He assumed, when the reports of mistreatment got back to him, that she was the complainer, so he would pile on a little extra work for her in the records department. She took it all like a trooper. He wondered how much he could pile on the little lieutenant's shoulders before she broke. Secretly, he was looking forward to finding out.

Sarkaal and Deanna did not like what they were hearing. "Sir, he's trying to kill her," declared Ensign Chou while looking at Commander Sarkaal. The three were sitting at a table in 10-Forward. "Lieutenant Commander Buyers has been riding her like an old tractor since he got there and he's not letting up. She's working a double shift _again_ and she's not saying a word. I could completely kill her for not telling either one of you!" said the young woman, obviously outraged. She knew these two were her friends and hoped they could fix the situation.

He looked over at Deanna. "Has she said anything to you about this?"

"Nothing," she answered.

Tatiana Chou nodded negatively. "I don't know what his problem is but he's been a real jerk, especially to her, since day one."

"Thank you for telling us," said Deanna as Ensign Chou stood and left the table. She looked over at the closed, but concerned, face of Sarkaal. "He's her superior officer," said Deanna with a half shrug.

"And unless she speaks up personally there is nothing anyone may do about this," he added.

"Why would she not?" asked the counselor though she already knew the half of it. Kaira was an officer from a hard-core world. What your leaders dished out, you took, and you kept your mouth shut. She wondered if it was penance for something in her past, allowing herself to be treated this way. "I don't know about this. Something isn't right here."

Neither did Sarkaal. It concerned him. And the fact that he could do nothing about the situation troubled him even more. Something in his subconscious mind was slowly awakening, almost demanding he fix the situation immediately. But it went against every protocol he knew.

Kaira was exhausted and her chest hurt. She was, however, glad to finally be off duty. It was the third double shift she'd worked in a row. Twelve hours for three days straight was enough to make her never want to see the inside of the records division again. And to make matters worse she had an Away Team to go on the next morning. Oh joy. She forced herself to go to bed as early as she could after eating dinner. Who knew what foolishness Lieutenant Commander Buyers would pull on the Away Team?

She almost overslept, she was so tired, but by the grace of Thev'elin sending her a subspace message did she get up on time. The Beleine, much like Vulcans, are capable of setting their internal clock to awaken them at a specific time and the fact that hers did not awaken her meant she was almost run down. She would have to get a check-up as soon as possible. Something in her body was off kilter and if it wasn't fixed she would get sick.

She dressed while listening to her foster father's message. Even with her last visit to Vulcan she was still unable to address him as 'Father' as custom dictated and she knew he noticed this. Perhaps with time, she would. But she knew he would not press the matter; it was not his way. He called to inform her that her middle brother, Velith, had recently been matched with a young woman. He said her name, Rilova, and also mentioned her clan. The clan name itself was familiar and yet unfamiliar to her; it kind of matched up with another she knew of growing up on Beleine. Of course the name was slightly altered, but she bet it was another case of it being their sister clan worlds away.

He had sent her the message asking if she could determine whether the_ Enterprise_ would be in the Eridani system at the time of his middle son's bonding. As she was beginning to learn, Thev'elin was logical, but he was not above using his title and rank to sway the Vulcan council to get the _Enterprise_ to be near Vulcan at just the right time, like he'd done four months before. She would have to speak with him about that, she thought with a fond smile. Even though she was not yet able to address him as 'father' she already knew she loved the man.

She arrived at Transporter Room 2 and got there just in time to see O'Brien logging in to man the controls. The rest of the Away Team hadn't arrived, yet. "What's going on, Miles?" she asked since no one else was around. Miles was a friend to her but more so was his wife Keiko.

"Lieutenant Commander Buyers said he'd be ten minutes late," responded O'Brien. "You're to use the heavy coats and winter gear sent up here by the quartermaster," he said as he pointed to a pile of things dumped near the furthest wall from the transporter pad.

She strapped on a heavy jacket. Thiatis IV was an ice planet and cold was dangerous to her in a potentially lethal way. "Where's everyone else?"

Just then, Ensign Chou entered along with Lieutenant Bhatt. "Hey, Kaira," said Tatiana Chou with a smile. "Getting suited up already, huh?"

"I heard it's _cold_ down there," she said as she pulled on a hat and hooked a Tri-corder and data pad to her utility belt.

Bhatt and Chou were doing the same things, Bhatt conversing with them both. "I do not like the cold, either," he declared. "It feels like a thousand needles stabbing at your face."

The last member of the team, Ensign Jimenez, entered just then. "I'm so late!" she wailed.

"Hurry up. Buyers isn't here yet, so put your stuff on fast and he'll never know," interjected Miles.

Ensign Chou and Lieutenant Tenary immediately grabbed a coat and hat. Tenary helped her into her coat as Chou stuffed the hat onto the petite Ensign, helping her along. Bhatt grabbed a Tricorder and data pad and stuffed it onto her utility belt almost at the same time. She was just pulling her coat straps together and securing them when Lt. Commander Buyers entered the transporter room.

All of them stood at attention but the mood in the room slumped. Miles noticed and wondered what was wrong. "Sorry I'm late," murmured Buyers. "Let's get this on the road, right now," he said as he grabbed his equipment and stood on the transporter pad. The others followed his lead.

"Energize," he said to O'Brien with a nod.

They materialized, thank goodness, inside the control room of the abandoned station. Even indoors, it was horribly cold. They were to retrieve whatever records possible and then return to the_ Enterprise_.

"Why is it so cold in here?" asked Jimenez, openly annoyed.

Tenary was already on it, scanning with her Tri-corder. "All controls on the station are on back-up status. With no personnel to man the station they marked off 'heat' as a non-essential," she said as she grimaced. Buyers gave her an aggravated look that only Lieutenant Bhatt caught.

"Come," said Bhatt as he pulled Kaira over to the large console, wanting to head off whatever nastiness was about to exit the commander's mouth. "Let's see what's going on with this thing."

"All right," she said as the two of them got to work. She supposed he was just trying to keep her mind off the cold. After less than thirty seconds they realized the station relays were simultaneously baked and frozen. "Oh no. You have _got_ to be kidding me."

"What is it?" asked Buyers.

"Sir, the station relays basically overloaded and then they froze over after they died," answered Kaira. She pulled out her Tricorder. "The control box is…oh _joy_. Outside," she said with a dead-pan expression.

He startled just a little. He'd never heard Tenary make a joke, though he heard from other crew members she was hilarious. "If it's outside I guess you and Bhatt had better get to work," he said.

"But sir!" said Chou. "I can go. I come from a cold climate and I'm used to it."

"And what about it?" asked Lt. Commander Buyers. "Lieutenant Tenary is the specialist in information retrieval-"

_Hell, I am?_ Thought Tenary. _Who put _that_ in my record? Those are some lying sons of-_

"—and she will be the one to go outside along with Bhatt." He turned to her and the other Lieutenant. "I hope you two remembered to bring your phasers and repair kits."

"But sir-" said Chou.

"Stop being so dramatic, Chou," he reprimanded. "Another word out of you and I'll put you on report." He turned back to the two lieutenants. "You two, you have your orders."

Bhatt looked over at Tenary, uneasy. Why was he sending the two people from hot climates into freezing weather? "Yes, sir," they both said at the same time and braced themselves against the cold before opening the inner door and then wrestling the outer ice station door open.

Chou and Jimenez pulled the outer door shut as Buyers said, "All right, Ensigns. To work." The two cleared the hallway and stepped back into the station. They sealed the inner door and got to work.

The two Ensigns appeared engrossed in their work, but really they were worried. They only looked at one another from time to time as the next ten minutes went by. They knew their companions outside were due to call in any second. As they both worked on repairs to the main inner unit, Jimenez expressed under her breath, "Where the hell are they?"

"Bhatt to Lt. Commander Buyers," they heard the com-badge of their superior officer chirp in the other room.

"Buyers, here," he said as he finished a repair on a console, closed and then sealed it.

"We'll have to return for a few minutes. We need to check the frequencies of the wiring from the inside before we proceed and we need to replace a small part of the system out here."

"How far have you two gotten?" asked Buyers.

"About 25%. We're looking at making more trips, three more of them, to make sure we don't freeze our buttocks off out here, sir."

"All right. Get back in here fast, you two. Buyers out."

They came back into the outer door and then the inner door and seemed to be doing all right. Jimenez had pulled out two hot packs of liquid and activated them right before they came in. "Drink this now," she said as she put them into both their hands.

Buyers interrupted, "We don't have time for-"

"Sir, I'm in the middle of medical training and what I have to say goes before your rank and you _will_ listen," Jimenez said to her superior officer. "It is unsafe to have them out in those conditions for long periods of time, sir, especially Tenary, without allowing them to warm up sufficiently before going back outside. Tenary shouldn't even be out in that at all."

"And what's so special about Tenary?" he asked with a smile. Obviously he thought Jimenez was very attractive. Most men did. So he was willing to take a little lip from the younger officer.

"Sir, she's not made for cold weather. It could kill her if she's out there too much. She should alternate with me and Chou. Actually due to the weather we should all take rotations and not send the same two people outs-"

"We'll all do our jobs, Jimenez," he said. "We're in Starfleet. And we've all been trained to do our duties no matter what. Isn't that so?" he said to the two lieutenants drinking the hot beverages.

"Yes, sir," they both said. It wasn't so bad to them at that point. The shivering, at least, was subsiding.

"Well, _sir_," said Jimenez, openly angry with him, "in my medical opinion the two of them shouldn't be allowed to go right back out into that and Tenary should not be allowed to go back out into that at all."

"Tenary, what do you say about that?" asked Lt. Commander Buyers.

"I'll do what I'm ordered to, sir," said Tenary. But the thought of going back out there was a little oppressive. She finished up her hot drink and went to the console, checked underneath it. "Come on, Bhatt, let's see what's going on with the wiring here that leads out there. Also, let's inventory what needs to come back outside with us so we don't forget anything and have to make an _extra_ extra trip."

"Can do, Kaira," he declared almost cheerfully.

They made two more trips outside and back in, correlating the wiring and making certain the link-ups were happening. "Sir, if we can get this interface done just right, we can establish an uplink with the _Enterprise_ and get all of the information as opposed to just some of it," said Tenary.

"Then make it happen," he said.

Already she didn't look too good and neither did Lieutenant Bhatt. But they soldiered on. During their last trip outside, that feeling in Tenary's chest became worse and Bhatt was dizzy with cold. "I can't take much more of this!" he said over the roar of the wind. Then they both realized, it was previously not at all snowing and now the wind was picking up and snow was beginning to fall. From simple cold to miserable freezing, snowing and sleeting.

When they finally made it to the other side of the relay station, they could barely see their hands in front of them. "I think we're in trouble," said Tenary.

"_Enterprise_ to Lt. Commander Buyers," came Geordi's voice over the line.

"Buyers here," he answered.

"There's a storm system headed your way and it looks bad."

"We're almost done with the outside work," he assured them.

"I want the Away Team out of there now," interrupted Captain Picard.

"Sir, two of our team members are still outside making repairs. They should be checking in in less than two minutes."

"We'll contact you again, Lt. Commander," said Picard. "If they aren't back in the next ten minutes, you're to order them back. Is that understood?"

"Yes, Captain."

The two called in at the regular check-in time. Most of the external repair was done.

"When do you estimate you'll be back?" asked Buyers.

"We don't really know, sir," said Bhatt. "We have less than two minutes of work left, but we can barely see to get back. Fortunately we can hold onto the side of the building and it will lead us in."

The captain had ordered them back so he was officially beginning to get nervous. "Try to be back here in the next few minutes. We need to pull out fast, there's a storm headed for us."

"Yes, sir. We're almost done. Bhatt out."

When the time limit came and went, Captain Picard called Lt. Commander Buyers. "Why isn't the Away Team back, yet?"

"The storm is coming in faster than we anticipated, sir. They were ordered back already, but I can only assume they're having difficulty getting back inside."

"There's a five minute window left and then you'll be trapped for a short time, is that clear?" asked Picard.

"Sir, we've managed to restore the power down here. We'll be all right if we're trapped," said Buyers. "We've got the heat and replicators back online and our indoor repairs are well underway. We no longer need anyone on the outside. Tenary and Bhatt finished that already and…here they are now. They're back, sir."

"Sir, I think she's sick," the captain could hear Lieutenant Bhatt saying. He could hear the raspy cough of someone else, though who it was-

"Who is sick?" demanded the Captain.

"I'm fine," said Tenary. "Really, sir, I'm fine."

The Captain said, "Permission granted to remain down there throughout the storm to establish the uplink to the _Enterprise_, however I'm not comfortable having the Away Team there with no official medical officer. I'll be sending someone down along with extra provisions just in case."

"Yes, sir," said Buyers. "Thank you, sir."

"Picard out."

Within three minutes they realized there was more information in the system than they'd initially supposed.

"Buyers to Enterprise."

"Enterprise here," communications responded.

"Along with the medical officer do you think you could send someone familiar with something along the lines of DNA activated technology?"

"We'll send someone from the genetics lab," answered Picard.

Dr. Crusher and Commander Sarkaal were on the transporter pads in less than two minutes being beamed down. Miles gave them a foreboding, "I hope you two enjoy the cold because it's going to get very uncomfortable down there according to my readings." And then the cool beam of the transporter sent them down to the planet.

They materialized in the same control room as everyone else. They noticed that all hands were at work; some were at the controls and some were under the panels. Sarkaal recognized Kaira's legs sticking out from under one unit.

"Is someone sick?" asked Crusher, obviously concerned.

"No," said Buyers as he gave one dismissive wave of his hand. "Bhatt was just being ridiculous."

Bhatt looked embarrassed but at the same time he held Dr. Crusher's eyes and then flicked a quick look in Tenary's direction. The doctor simply nodded lightly and began scanning everyone. "I want to take a look at how everyone is doing down here. It was terribly cold before you got the heat back on plus since they're so old, we don't know what form of electromagnetic energy these panels are giving off or their effect on your bodies." She asked Jimenez to come from under her panel so she could scan her. After doing so, Jimenez returned under the panel and continued her repair work. The doctor crossed over to Tenary. When she emerged from underneath the unit, still lying down, Dr. Crusher saw the young lady most certainly did not look good at all. Her eyes looked feverish and she seemed to be seconds away from unconsciousness. And when she scanned her…

"Lt. Commander Buyers, I need to treat Bhatt for the early stages of frostbite and cold exhaustion. And Tenary here isn't doing well at all."

Sarkaal couldn't take his eyes off of Kaira. She'd never looked so impaired in the almost two years they'd known one another. When she went to stand, she swayed a little. He was there, before anyone else, and caught her before she hit the floor. "Come on, sir, that might have been fun to hit the ground at that speed," she said to him, trying to muster up more energy with a joke.

"Now is not the time for humor, lieutenant," he almost scolded.

"No, sir. Sorry, sir," she whispered.

"How do you feel, lieutenant?" asked Dr. Crusher as she scanned her.

"Sleepy," was all she said.

Her eyes saw what her medical tri-corder said and only her practiced medical demeanor kept panic off of her face. "I need a room in this station super heated for her. She's got a case of Tarethin Lung Fever and we have to keep her overly warm."

"Is that contagious?" asked Buyers.

"No, not to non-Vulcanoids." Beverly looked at the Vulcan still holding his best friend. "Commander, you have to step away from the Lieutenant," she said to Sarkaal. "She's contagious for you."

"I contracted a case in my youth, Doctor, I can no longer catch it," he said.

"You also have a secondary degree in medicine, don't you, Commander?" she asked the Vulcan.

"I do."

"You're going to have to help me treat her because Dr. Selar would have been optimal in this situation, but with the storm no one can beam in or out. We'll tag team this. You can tell me anything I need to know since I'm not as up on Beleine or Vulcan physiology. The two are nearly identical."

"Yes, doctor." He turned to the others. He had the superior rank and took control of the situation. "Someone show me a secured room where I can put the lieutenant," he said as he lifted her gently.

Dr. Crusher and Sarkaal got Kaira situated as she protested. "No, please, I can do my duty. I can still work," she kept insisting.

"Lieutenant, you will lie here and do what I tell you to," said Dr. Crusher with a little smile.

Sarkaal, having put her down on an available cot, began busying himself looking for the heat controls in the room. He found them and turned them way up to Vulcan comfort. "The heat should soon be sufficient."

"I agree," said Crusher as she already began to break out in a sweat from the increasing heat. And it hadn't even hit top temperature in the room, yet! "Now let's talk about how she would have contracted this fever," she said to Sarkaal since they were out of hearing-range of the others.

"Being in non-optimal health and then overly exposed to cold will usually bring the virus already present in the system to fruition for an adult," said Sarkaal. He was familiar with the etiology of the virus. It could very easily kill one who wasn't strong enough to handle it. But he knew she was and refused to allow himself to worry. Worry was not logical. It would not take the virus from her body, would not prevent her death, would not reverse the situation no matter how much one might wish it to be changed.

"But how do you pick it up?" asked Crusher.

"She no doubt picked it up during her last trip to Vulcan. Most Vulcans are carriers and most of us either had it in our childhoods and are now immune. We are then inoculated against it by the age of fifteen if it has not yet been contracted. I suppose it did not occur to them to check her vaccinations. Had she not been exposed to the extreme cold she most likely, as an adult, would never have come down with it at all."

"So it's like the Chicken Pox in humans, harmless to most children, almost deadly to adults," said Crusher.

"Yes, exactly."

"All right, I get the picture now," she said. "According to what little I remember from medical school if we keep her warm that's half the battle right there." She looked down at Kaira who'd stopped protesting and had drawn her knees up to her chest, hugging herself tightly in a fetal position. "She still looks cold," said Crusher as she pulled a blanket up over her.

Sarkaal had to speak truthfully. "Dr. Crusher, mere heat from the environment and blankets are not nearly enough heat for a body undergoing this syndrome. You must call Dr. Selar, she will confirm what I say."

"And that is?"

"She must receive injections of antivirus. You may extract them from my marrow and replicate it since I have had this illness in the past."

She nodded and pulled open her medical bag. "Perfect." She readied her equipment to cultivate a deep marrow extraction from one of his ribs. "I'll go set up a make-shift lab in another room after I get a sample from you."

Sarkaal accompanied her to the extra room. Once she obtained the sample from him, he said "Do not concern yourself with the extra work, doctor. I will set up the lab while you treat Lieutenant Bhatt for his frostbite."

"Thank you," she said to him with a smile.

"After I am done, I will inform you. But then I must speak with Lieutenant Tenary and inform her of the treatment. If I am unable to reach her verbally, I must ask her telepathically for permission to administer it."

"Why would you have to speak to her telepathically?"

"The virus interferes, after a short time, with the patient's ability to remain conscious. Also, Kaira's people have a slightly different form of healing trance than mine. She has no doubt, by this time, put herself into it and cannot be awakened until she is fully well. The only way I may access her is through a mind meld."

Crusher knew what he was trying to say and spelled it out. "If I enter the room and see you engaged in a meld I'll walk right back out again."

"Thank you, doctor," he said and then turned to continue setting up the mini lab for her.

Less than an hour later, Sarkaal was able to go back to Kaira and check on her. Dr. Crusher was leaving the room as he entered. "You were right, she's slipped into a semi-conscious state, but she's not exactly unconscious. She would be mistaken for unresponsive or comatose by someone else, but since I know what I'm looking at I'm not as worried as I would have been."

He nodded. "I will ask her consent for treatment now. It may take a while. Her people do not use their abilities often, but what they have learned is how to keep intruders out, and they are quite efficient at it."

"Why would she see you as an intruder?" asked Crusher. "To all intents and purpose she sees you as her best friend."

"I have never attempted to touch the lieutenant's mind. I don't know how I will be received there."

Dr. Crusher nodded and went on her way to begin producing the antivirus collected from his marrow.

As soon as the door closed, Sarkaal looked at her again. She was very sick, indeed. He forced all thoughts of concern and worry from his mind. Any transmission of negativity would be enough for her to want to propel him out of the meld with her. He focused his mind and steeled himself for rejection as he rubbed his fingers together lightly, readying himself for telepathic contact. He put his fingers on her face at the proper points. "My mind to your mind…my thoughts to your thoughts."

She recognized who it was and allowed him access, immediately. _Sarkaal! –_

_Kaira_, He acknowledged. The joy in her mind at seeing him was unexpected. She was genuinely happy to have him there. _I must ask you for permission to treat your condition._

_Of course you have it._

_Kaira, you do not understand, under Vulcan law you have the right to know what the treatment is and where it comes from. We must synthesize an antivirus to help you heal. It comes directly from me._

_How fitting._ Even in her mind, she found herself laughing at the irony of the situation. _I suppose without your beaming down I would have died._

He turned from the thought. It was unpleasant. _However, I am here and you will be treated in a timely manner._

_Would it have mattered to you if I'd died?_

Neither one of them were prepared for the emotion of black rage that welled up inside him. _Kaira, how could it not matter?_ He realized belatedly that her question was not a serious one, it was just another one of her attempts to bait him. But she forgot it was in the context of the mind and all things were more difficult to hide there. He immediately thought -_Forgive my reaction. You are a stranger to this method of communication. I should strive for understanding._

_There is nothing to forgive. It was an honest reaction on your part. Forgive my irreverence of the meld. I should not have joked that way; not here, not now._

_And do not ever again speak lightly of your demise. I do not wish to contemplate your death, especially now._

_ Sarkaal, truthfully, am I in danger?_

He was unable to hide the truth since they were mind to mind. _Yes, T'hy'la, you are in grave danger._

She mulled over his answer, mentally, as well as his bestowing the title of '_T'hy'la_' on her. He'd never done so before. (It existed on her world as well as his, but on her world it lived on only in the Old High Tongue. On his world, it was alive and well, but on hers it had already begun to disappear more than a century before.) It was an ancient word with many intricacies of meaning, reserved for the closest of friends. Ones you've bled with, fought beside, made your informal sibling and in some rare cases it even meant 'lover'. The realization dawned: _You are worried for me._

_ Worry is not logical_ he responded as he avoided the question.

_ Just because it isn't logical doesn't mean it doesn't happen_ she teased.

He paused for a short while. _Yes, I am._

Mentally she reached out and attempted to comfort him. _Whatever happens, remember, you and I have been the best of friends. I never anticipated this happening with us, this accidental friendship, and I am grateful for it every day. You remember that._

_ You will LIVE, Kaira,_ he said. It wasn't said with reassurance, it was an order.

And inwardly she smiled at the rage she saw in him, just beneath the surface. _Are you invoking rank with that command to live?_

_I am, lieutenant. I order you to live on._

_Yes, sir. If you insist!_

He helped Dr. Crusher synthesize the antivirus and they replicated enough for the five day course of treatment she needed. They were informed by the Enterprise, it would take twenty-four hours before the storm subsided enough for them to be beamed back on board. During that time, he visited her sickroom often and touched her mind to keep her company and to assure himself that she was growing stronger, not weaker.

When they beamed them back to the _Enterprise_, he was allowed to accompany her to sickbay. Dr. Selar went to touch her mind to check her progress and was immediately slammed backward mentally as she hit a partial barrier in the lieutenant's mind; the rest of it was overt ejection. She looked over at Sarkaal. "I have been rejected on two levels."

"It is normal for a Beleine to turn down the request the first few times," he said.

"Did she turn you down?" asked the Vulcan Healer, already knowing what his answer would be.

He wondered why she would ask such a thing. "No. But the lieutenant and I were already friends."

The doctor nodded and tried again. It took three tries before Kaira's mind realized it was Dr. Selar. She then allowed her to do her telepathic scan.

Kaira finally awoke from her light trance and was allowed to return to her quarters. She was barred from duty for an additional seven days. During that time, Sarkaal asked her, "Kaira, please tell me, was Lt. Commander Buyers informed that cold was lethal to you?"

She swallowed hard. "Why are you asking me this?" She'd made herself comfortable on the couch, a blanket up to her neck since the residual sensation of cold was still in her limbs from the virus.

"Do not obstruct me in this manner, Kaira. What happened was very dangerous. Ensign Jimenez informed me that she told the Lt. Commander that you should not have been allowed to make multiple trips outside, that it was lethal to your physiology, is that true?"

She sighed, not wanting to deal with this now. "Yes, it's true."

"Will you press charges against him, now?" he asked.

Her eyes almost crossed. "Why would I do that? I did my duty. I could have said 'no', but I didn't. I'm just as much to blame for my illness as he is, as anyone else is for forgetting to inoculate me before allowing me to come in contact with Vulcans. I didn't feel well the night before I went on that Away mission, I should have gone straight to Dr. Crusher when my internal alarm didn't wake me up that morning and sure, my commanding officer is a real jerk but- there's a lot of blame to go around and I just want to put it behind me. My near-death wasn't intentional."

He accepted her answer, but he obviously didn't agree with it.

"But I want to thank you for spending so much time with me during that time while I was 'unresponsive'."

He looked her in the eyes and the color of them struck him just then, the deep green against her very brown skin. He noticed the men of the _Enterprise_ stood up just a little bit taller when she walked by. He realized now why they did that. "Kaira, it was entirely my honor."

She didn't understand why, but she found herself blushing deeply. Something between them had changed and she didn't know how or why. 

_For some reason the asterisks I usually put in to delineate a change in the story is NOT SAVING. I don't know why. Sorry for any confusion that happens while reading because of this!_


	9. Aftermath

Aftermath

By the time a full two years of friendship arrived, passed, and a few more months were piled on, the two were in a strange stage of transition with one another. Ever since those few weeks ago when she'd been sick and he was forced to touch her mind, the two were awkward with one another. So they simply stopped seeing each other socially. The avoidance was, sadly, mutual. Neither one ever said a thing to the other about it they simply disappeared from one another's lives aboard ship.

####

Sarkaal saw her in Ten-Forward as he entered the room. He wanted to go and speak with her though he knew this was not wise. She was there, he saw, speaking with someone else. A male. His jaw clenched. Some part, a dark ancient piece of him, wanted to do more than wish the male harm, he wanted to _do_ him harm.

The Vulcan turned and left Ten-Forward, his feelings of rejection inexplicable to him. He did not understand what had happened between him and Kaira, why he was thinking this way about her. Weeks of meditation had not given him the answer. He only knew that there was a problem there, with himself, concerning her. He kept telling himself he had touched her mind several times to help her. But some other part of him was not satisfied with that and wanted to continue touching her mind. It was not logical and to his way of thinking it was not healthy. He wondered if perhaps he was becoming mentally unstable and needed to seek help back home, on Vulcan.

The last person he wanted to alienate with his strange thoughts was her. He did all he could to avoid seeing her lest he slip up and do or say something that sent her running from him for good. He returned to his quarters to meditate, yet again. He would figure this out. He had to.

####

Kaira had no illusions as to why she was avoiding Sarkaal. Somewhere in that whole struggle during her sickness and recovery, she'd fallen in love with him. _There_, she thought as she looked in the mirror at herself. _I've finally admitted it to myself. I've made two classic mistakes. I've fallen for my best friend and I've fallen for a Vulcan. How exactly do I get myself out of this one? And what did I expect? I mean, look at him. He's beautiful. How didn't I see that before? How did I just go on ignoring not just his physical beauty but he's only ever been helpful to me. Forced me to look at myself, look at my future, broaden my horizons. What did I expect would happen, eventually? It was always going toward this, wasn't it?_

She looked away from the mirror. She was going to cry again. She couldn't stand herself for this. This was not the first time something like this had happened to her. Why did she keep falling for men who were unavailable? What was wrong with her? She tried to blame it on the fact that they'd gotten her the antibodies from his body, his rib in particular. Perhaps getting a piece of him injected, even if it was just a dead manipulated virus, swayed her in his direction. She tried to also blame it on the flashes of concern she'd seen from him throughout their friendship and even what she'd seen in his mind for her during their melds. Tenderness, concern, caring and something else she didn't know the name of. What was that other thing? It was a deep dark black emotion with an undertone of protection and violence that was vast and nameless. There was no word for that. She even imagined he might feel the same way she did but she struck everything down in her mind one after the other with '_that's stupid'_, '_that's wrong'_ or the one she often thought, '_you just stop it now!'_

Whatever was wrong she knew she was going to have to fix it and soon. She missed him, even as just a friend, and she couldn't go on like this without him. They used to do everything together, consult one another about decisions they made, use one another as sounding boards for their lives. They even made fun of one another; of course he would never admit to engaging in that sort of activity to someone else. And now, he was so close, on the same ship, yet she was keeping him at arm's distance. She often wondered why he hadn't come to her yet. It just wasn't like him to stay away from her this long. Maybe he was no longer in need of their friendship? From T'hy'la to nothing in a matter of weeks? Whatever the case, this couldn't be allowed to continue she decided.

She thought if she went to visit her mother that might help. But her mother was on Earth and Earth was far away from the _Enterprise_ and Sarkaal was on the _Enterprise_ and the thought of leaving him behind anywhere was gut wrenching. Even if she couldn't be with him directly, she wanted to stay in the same vicinity as him. She officially marked herself as 'pitiful' and dried her tears, forcing herself to leave her quarters and go on duty.

As she walked the corridor she knew one thing was certain. Until these feelings were banished or put under control there was no way she could ever allow him to touch her mind again. He would see what was there and who knew what would happen then? Who wants to remain friends with someone when they know they can never give them what they want? He would probably keep her at arm's distance if he ever found out.

_I have to put a stop to this. I can't allow this to happen to me…not again._

####

Sarkaal decided to go to Vulcan and seek help, but not with any Healers; at least not yet. He would speak with his father. Perhaps he as an older man could meld with him and discover what was wrong first. He could not help himself so he stopped by Kaira's quarters before he departed. He wanted to see her one last time before the desire was removed from him. There was something addictive about this desire for her he admitted, if only to himself.

She was in her quarters, hair having been let down after her shift. She was tired and distracted. She considered going to see Sarkaal then decided against it. And then there was her door chime and she knew it was him. "Come in," she said.

As he entered, he saw her waves of black hair spilling down her back and around her shoulders. She seemed to be fatigued, looked like she'd been overworked that day and probably needed a shower. He'd seen her this way many times before but strangely, on this day, it moved him. He almost couldn't speak as he entered her quarters. "Kaira," he said, but it was almost a whisper.

The sound of her name from his lips, the way he'd said it, her stomach dropped out from beneath her. It made her look away from him. She was afraid he would see what was in her eyes. Why did things have to become so complicated? Why couldn't they go back to the way things were before? "It's good to see you," she said truthfully. It was great to see him and painful. If only he could stay. But she knew he wouldn't. Maybe he already sensed what was wrong. He had, after all, touched her mind already. He could always access her again without touching her, couldn't he? She as good as convinced herself he already knew her secret, though she never sensed he had used the leftover mental connection between them. "What's going on, Sarkaal? Would you like to sit, have something this evening? I could replicate us dinner."

He wouldn't allow himself to approach her, was stiffer than usual in his manner. He would do whatever it took to stay away from her. "I wished to tell you that I am going to Vulcan for a short time. I anticipate returning soon. We are near the Eridani System now and I estimate I can be there and back within a few days. Time will tell."

"Oh," she said as she nodded. "Give my regards to your family. And tell Thev'elin I am well and look forward to seeing him and my brothers again very soon."

He nodded. The fact that he should be taking home messages to her family, it felt _right_ to him. But he was not based on feeling or at least he should not be and it brought home to him how much help he truly needed. He crushed the renegade thoughts. "I will do so. T'Maar will regret that she could not see you, again."

"I know. I miss her, too. And if Valerie is visiting tell her I said 'hi' and be careful in the sun."

Really, he wondered, why was he still there? He looked at her for one last time before trying to depart. She was sitting on the floor of her quarters, brown skin smooth, large green eyes peeking out at him from behind a forced smile. A forced smile. Something was wrong. "What is the matter?" he asked, concerned, stepping toward her a little, forgetting so quickly that he must not go near her.

She couldn't believe he'd noticed. "Oh, I- Nothing. I'm very tired, that's all. I had a hard day."

"Please, be careful with your health," he implored, some of his stiffness from before now gone. "Make certain your rest cycles are fulfilled every evening. I do not wish for you to become sick, again."

It pained her heart to hear the care for her in his voice, but it wasn't the kind of care she wanted from him. She wanted more and he could never give it to her. "Don't worry about me. You go see your family and be careful yourself."

There was something here, unspoken. But it was not his right to know what that something was. He gave her one last look, held up the ta'al and uttered, "Live long and prosper," to her and left her quarters. He'd wanted to stay with her, he knew, as he walked down the corridor and away from her. And why did it feel so wrong, now, to think of leaving the ship? Why would it feel so strange to leave her behind when he'd done this same thing so many times in the past? He concluded there had to be something very wrong with him.

####

Thanek saw the look on his son's face and knew something was off. "My son, why have you come home at this time? Your mother and I did not expect you for perhaps another year, at the least six months."

"Where is mother?" asked Sarkaal. He'd only gotten to the family home less than ten minutes before. He wished to speak with his father as soon as possible but now that he was here something akin to embarrassment swamped him. How do you tell your parent you need mental stabilizing, that you are coming apart? The fact that he felt shame on top of everything else, it couldn't be good. There was no logic to anything in his mind these days.

"Your mother is only on her way from work, now. She will not be here until later."

"And T'Maar?"

"T'Maar is registering at the new Center of Art in Shi'kahr. She has decided to join for the textiles division."

"Yes, she informed me of her decision in her previous communiqué."

"And how goes the daughter of the House of Thev'elin?" asked his father of Kaira. "She was quite ill not too long ago. Has she recovered?"

"Yes, father, Kaira has recovered her health fully."

"Have you gone to her father and spoken with him? I am certain he would wish to know from a personal messenger how she has recovered. She has, no doubt, already informed him of her recovered health but sometimes our adult children slant the truth so that we may not be overly concerned. Your presence and word will most likely put him more at ease."

His father was right, of course. "I shall do so immediately. I had not considered that."

"My son?" Thanek addressed him as he stopped in his tracks. "When you return you may speak with both your mother and I as to the true reason you have returned home."

He looked at his father and knew he had seen through him. "Both of you?" he asked.

"I anticipated this," said his father.

How could he have known what Sarkaal was going through? No. He could not know. His outward controls were still impeccable as far as he knew. He must have been referring to something else. "Yes, father, I shall return soon."

####

Stekel and Thev'elin were home at the time Sarkaal stopped by. The usual formalities were followed and then Sarkaal sat down with them to talk.

"My sister is well?" asked Stekel.

"Yes, Kaira is thriving once again. I wished to come by and tell you both directly of her progress."

"My daughter informed me of the great help you happened to be when the illness claimed her. The House of Thev'elin owes you a debt of more than gratitude," said Thev'elin.

"I was simply doing my duty. It was only logical that I render aid where it was needed." He remembered. "She wished for me to give you her regards."

"If you would please, return with messages from us," said Thev'elin.

"Of course."

"She shall soon be an aunt," said Stekel. "My wife, T'Mey, is expecting our first child."

"Congratulations are in order," said Sarkaal to Stekel and Thev'elin.

"Now that I know of the arrival of one, I anticipate the arrival of many more," responded the soon-to-be grandfather. "My middle son has only just formally married. Perhaps soon he will grace our House with more children. And then of course there is our Kaira."

Sarkaal looked at Thev'elin and wondered if he was also close to insane. "Kaira is currently unwed," he reminded him.

"Yes," said Stekel. "A situation which must soon change. She is a daughter of a house poor in daughters. She must marry soon."

Thev'elin raised his hand as if to say 'slow down, son'. "We shall not rush your sister. She has been through many changes already. She will have the right to choose her mate as did you and so did your brother who has only recently married." He turned to look back at Sarkaal. "But you are close enough to our family to know that I have begun considering this train of thought concerning Kaira."

"You have?" asked Sarkaal. Something inside him seemed to begin to wind up tightly.

"I have. I have even received three offers, to date."

Sarkaal didn't realize it, but the look on his face became quite frozen. "By whom, may I ask?"

"The family that moved from their world, the scientist, his wife died not five years ago. He has come to me personally and asked for permission for her to become his wife. It makes sense, they are of the same world and he is older than her only by thirty years. The Beleine and Vulcans age much the same, therefore the age difference will be nowhere near marked or catastrophic."

"So a Beleine has offered to marry her," said Sarkaal. He looked at Stekel. "What have you to say of this match?"

Stekel only inhaled deeply, his face almost fierce. "I am non-committal of this match and I do not think he would be agreeable to her since he has a son nearly the same age as herself. This may not sit well with my sister."

"How would you know?" asked Thev'elin of his son.

"Because it does not sit well with _me_," Stekel said honestly. "It would seem more reasonable to offer his son for her, not himself."

"My son, that is not a concrete reason and it is therefore not logical." Sarkaal sat there, wishing to interject but not thinking it was his place. Thev'elin turned back to his daughter's friend and continued, "A son from the House of Qilleth has also become interested in her. He is unknown to me and I do not understand his reasoning. He saw her once at one of your family functions," he said to Sarkaal. "His name is Sorithev and he is an archeologist and anthropologist quite tied up with Vulcan's past. I do believe he is more interested in studying my daughter and her people, the Beleine, than bonding with her."

"I know of Sorithev. He is from a house with honor and has distinguished himself at the Academy of Sciences," admitted Sarkaal, but a part of him did not wish to even admit that.

"Father, you said there were three offers. Who was the third?" asked Stekel.

"The House of Sowlon has asked that she be married to one of their sons."

Both men receiving the news looked vaguely displeased. "The House of Sowlon," said Sarkaal, quite flat in his tone. "Shall you tell her of these offers?"

"Yes, of course. It is her right to know of them and her choice to make," said Thev'elin. "I wish I had something better to offer her. But Sorithev does not seem as if he would mistreat her…neither does the scientist from her own world."

"She should have more to choose from before she is summoned home," said Stekel.

Sarkaal only found himself preoccupied with thoughts of snapping the necks of the three potential suitors. He forced himself from that train of thought and listened to what the two men were saying.

"What else would you wish for her?" asked Thev'elin. "Three offers are more than enough."

"I do not know," admitted Stekel. "But there should be at least one more." He turned to Sarkaal. "You are her friend and know her well. What would compliment my sister well when it comes to a choice of bondmate? We would want her in a harmonious union."

Sarkaal at first didn't know what to say. He found it strange that this question would be asked of him. When all else failed he knew the truth would always be adequate. So he told them what was in his mind. "Kaira needs someone who already knows her and will take into consideration how difficult it is for her to suddenly be here and understands the ambivalence of never being able to return home; someone who is well aware that her emotions are hers and not a handicap. That she is not a Vulcan and should never have to become one."

A small smirk almost appeared on Thev'elin's face. "Would that that man existed and if he would only ask his parents to approach me to bond with her. I would order her home tomorrow to ask her permission to formalize their union."

Sarkaal felt more than a strange sense of discomfort thinking of Kaira marrying someone else. To think of her touching the mind of this other, and only their mind, which meant him never being able to do so with her again caused the feeling in his gut to tighten even further. Their friendship would change once things were initiated with whoever he was, her betrothed; it would have to. A Vulcan would never allow such a close male friend to remain so with his wife and logically so. The thought disturbed him. It was time to return home and seek help from his father for this. He rose. "I must depart. I estimate my mother has arrived home at this time and my father has asked that I return in time to see her."

"Return to my house soon, Son of Thanek," said Thev'elin. Before Sarkaal could leave his threshold, the elder man stopped him. "My home is your home. You may have whatever you wish from it…even whomever."

Sarkaal walked home almost slowly after that. He wished to see his mother but he also wished to mull over the conversation he had just had with Thev'elin and Stekel. And he realized what Thev'elin was offering him, just then. He quickened his pace to make it home in time to speak to his parents before the day ended.

####

The two sat down with their son, his eyes nearly ablaze as he said, "Father, you wished to speak with me?"

"My son, we know why you have returned home at this time. It is time you remarried. You have been widowed long enough," he said. "We have several prospective brides-"

"Are any of them from The House of Thev'elin?" asked Sarkaal.

His parents looked at one another. "You wish to bond with the daughter of Thev'elin?" asked his mother.

"I do," he admitted out loud for the first time to even himself.

"Does she know this?" asked his father.

Having never considered it until then, he was taken aback by the question. After a second, he answered, "No."

"And why does she not know?" asked his mother.

He was almost ashamed. "I did not realize it was what I wished until now."

"What was discussed at the House of Thev'elin?" asked his father with the ghost of a frown on his face.

"Potential mates for Kaira," Sarkaal openly admitted.

"There have been offers made for the young woman?" asked his mother. "So soon?"

"Yes," said Sarkaal.

"Did you offer yourself as a potential mate?" asked his father.

"No," he said. "But of the three being offered, none of them are logical for her."

"And you are the most logical choice?" asked his mother.

"I am the _only_ logical choice," he countered.

His parents once again looked at one another and he could tell they were communicating through their bond. "So you have only realized you wanted the female when the prospect of another having her was put before you?" asked his mother.

On the heels of that, "What if she does not see things the same way, my son?" asked his father, concerned that he seemed just a little uncontrolled.

He looked down at his hands. It had not occurred to him that Kaira might turn him down until they mentioned it. He thought of that unfortunate possibility. What would he do then? "I will have to turn my attentions away from her if I am not what she wishes in a mate."

"Have you yet truly focused your attentions on her?" asked his mother. "If she does not yet know of your intentions, will she understand from where this has come?"

He didn't understand what his parents were trying to say. Perhaps they did not think Kaira suitable for him. "Do you object to the match?"

"No," said his father honestly. "We certainly do not. We only wish for you to consider that which we think you have not in your hasty decision. If you seal a union with the daughter of Thev'elin you would not be marrying a Vulcan. You must be ready to deal with whatever may come from a union such as that. Has that been considered by you?"

"If I married a Vulcan then it would not be her," he countered. "I wish to bond with _her_. She is my _T'hy'la_. Is it not logical that we marry?"

"Yes, my son, it is," said his mother. "But in order to win her over, you may need to give a more compelling answer than that to her. Be warned. I am female and I tell you this with knowledge of the female mind. This cannot be presented to her on a whim. If it is, she will certainly reject you which would be only logical for her to do. She must take care to have one joined with her that is truly compatible."

He considered what his mother said and nodded. "I acknowledge your counsel and will proceed with caution when it comes to speaking with her in person. Will you officially make the offer to Thev'elin? The _Enterprise_ will be in this sector the day after tomorrow. I would have her answer sooner rather than later."

His parents looked at one another.

####

Kaira internally felt the sensation of the _Enterprise_ making a course change and immediately went to her personal grapevine. She stepped into Ten-Forward and saw Miles and Keiko chatting at a table. She asked, "Is this seat taken?" to them with a big smile.

"Miss Kaira," said Miles with a friendly smile. "Of course you're welcomed to sit with us!"

"Only five minutes, Keiko," promised Kaira as she sat down with them. "I have to run off after this and hand in a bunch of paperwork at Research." She leaned in to them both and whispered, "So?"

"So?" asked Miles.

"Where are we going?" she whispered.

"We don't know," said Keiko with a girlish smile. "It's almost Top Secret or something."

Kaira sucked her teeth for the first time in years. "I was really curious this time."

"You mean nosey!" laughed Keiko.

"I'll remember that, Mrs. O'Brien!" she said as she stood up, her smile radiant. It was the best she'd felt in weeks. But the moment she left Ten-Forward, thoughts of Sarkaal were in her head and some of her joviality evaporated. How long was it going to take to get over him and for her to think of him as just a friend again? How long?

####

Kaira lay awake in bed at 0500 hours. She'd had another night of fitful half-sleep. She didn't expect to have to get up for at least another hour when her com badge went off. "That's strange," she murmured. "Tenary here," she said as she hit her communicator.

"Captain Picard to Lieutenant Tenary. Report to the bridge."

"Yes, sir," she said without thinking. As the connection closed, she jumped out of bed, hopped in the shower and washed in less than four minutes. She dried off and jumped into a clean uniform in a matter of three minutes. As she was running out of her quarters, she was quickly tying up her hair. She caught the turbolift and was stuffing it into the neatest bun she could while securing it with five pins, the only ones she could find on such short notice. She hoped it would hold. It wouldn't do to have your hair in disarray on the bridge. It was only then that she wondered _Am I in some kind of trouble? The Captain's barely ever called me up to the bridge… Who needs me to take a deposition at 5 a.m. ship-time? Wait a minute, he didn't tell me to bring my machine to even take testimony. Maybe I've done something and I don't even realize it? I don't think I've done anything wrong… I don't think…_

####

The captain ordered her into his ready room. There was a tea service set up there. He sat down behind his desk and she stood there before him, at attention, as he poured himself a steaming cup. "I've received orders to divert to Vulcan, lieutenant. We are to pick up a member of the Vulcan council, but not for at least twenty-four hours after we arrive. And even then we are not to depart for another twenty-four hours until they decide whether another member of the council will travel with us."

So at least she knew now where they were going and why. But what did that have to do with her?

"As for you, lieutenant, it would seem we have orders to send you home to Vulcan as soon as we arrive."

She looked at him, alarmed. "Home, sir? Has something happened? Is something wrong?"

He smiled. "At ease. Sit down. I wasn't told, lieutenant, but they've indicated you don't have to stay longer than 24 hours. So ironically you'll be down and done with whatever it is your family wants and already back on board even before the member or members of the council are ready to depart." But he knew why she was being summoned. This wouldn't be the first time an officer was summoned home to Vulcan this way. The lieutenant was getting married soon and had no clue.

She couldn't help but frown as she slowly sat down with the captain.

"Tea?" he asked her. He could at least celebrate with her on his end. She'd realize why later.

She nodded in the affirmative and let him pour. Who could tell Captain Picard 'no'? But her mind wondered, what was going on with the House of Thev'elin…now her house?


	10. Call To Duty

Call to Duty/Initiation of the Unexpected

Kaira didn't know what to expect as the transporter beamed her down just outside the House of Thev'elin. She was nervous and just a little bit nauseous. Had something gone wrong? Was something wrong with one of her brothers? Perhaps even Thev'elin himself? For what reason had she been summoned home via her _captain_?

She got to the front door and pressed the chime, tried her best not to press that button more than once so it wouldn't appear hurried in any way. The door was answered by T'Mey, Stekel's wife. She'd only met her twice before. She didn't know quite what was going on in her sister-in-law's mind concerning her because she was not at all the talkative type. At first Kaira assumed perhaps the woman did not care for her but when she observed her with the rest of the family she noticed the most T'Mey ever spoke in a sentence was five words at a time. Was there truly such a thing as a shy Vulcan?

"My sister, you are home," said T'Mey as she opened the door.

"My captain informed me that I was called home. Is all well?"

T'Mey moved aside so Kaira could enter.

As she entered the home to see Stekel and Thev'elin, seemingly waiting for her, she rushed to them both and, "Father, is all well?" slipped from her mouth.

"Strange you would call me 'Father' now for the first time," he said as he beckoned for her to sit with him. As she did so he said, "We will hurry to conduct our business. I knew the council's plans to send one or two members aboard your ship and have decided to take advantage of that window of opportunity."

"Opportunity?" What? She realized she had not greeted anyone and raised the ta'al then. "Live long and prosper. I beg forgiveness for my lack of a proper greeting."

Stekel looked as if he were a heartbeat from smiling. "My sister, there is no reason to forgive. Father?"

Thev'elin continued, "It is time to discuss your duty to the family. You are a sole daughter of this house, the only one able to bestow title to any children and I grow older."

"You are not yet even two hundred years," she said.

"Why wait until the l_e-matya _has entered your home before you close the door?" he used one of Surak's more obscure quotes. "There have been offers of marriage for you from four families."

She felt as if the wind had been knocked out of her and found herself taking several breaths in and out. She couldn't believe she actually felt faint. "Marriage, father?" She tried to make the question sound casual.

"Yes. The first offer comes from the house of the scientist that fled Beleine all those years ago."

She tried to think clearly despite the sensation she had of the room spinning. "You mean for his son?"

"No, not for his son," said Thev'elin while secretly enjoying the shell-shocked look on Kaira's face.

"Oh you mean for the scientist," she nodded. "All right then. Who's next?"

"Is the prospect of the scientist unappealing to you?" asked her adoptive father.

She thought of the scientist whom she happened to know. Yes, she remembered him. Yes, he was quite nice but she also remembered he always smelled kind of funny to her. The thought of being married to him turned her stomach. She felt terribly shallow for feeling that way but smell was a deal breaker. "Next?" she asked again.

"Sorithev from the House of Qilleth very much wishes to bond with you," said Thev'elin.

"I remember him," she said as she thought of the handsome young man's face and his very hungry eyes when he looked at her. But what was he hungry for? He'd made her nervous. It didn't seem correct to her to have a Vulcan so openly stalker-like. That meant he was either mentally unstable or near his Fires. Bear the Fires (or as they called them here Pon Farr) of a strange man? No thank you! "Next?"

"A son of the House of Sowlon-"

"Father!" shouted Kaira and T'Mey at the same time. Kaira was surprised T'Mey had spoken up, and so vehemently, too.

Stekel looked at his father. "T'Mey was not here when we discussed this latest offer, Father. And the pregnancy has made her terribly outspoken." He looked very close to a smile.

She looked at T'Mey and Stekel. "Pregnancy?"

"We have been remiss in our duties. We did not have the opportunity to inform you, you are to become an aunt," said Stekel. "We shall soon have our first child."

Kaira looked at T'Mey and could not keep the smile off of her face. And she could also see the ghost of a proud smile on both the new parents faces. "I rejoice with thee," she used the Vulcan phrase.

"As for the son of Sowlon-" continued Thev'elin.

"Forget him," said Kaira unceremoniously as she folded her arms. There was no way she was marrying into that ultra political nightmare of a family.

Thev'elin leaned forward. "There is one left. Would you like to know it?"

Wondering what monstrosity was about to be trotted out next, she agreed, "All right. No use drawing it out. Give it to me straight."

"Sarkaal of the House of Thanek. His parents have offered for you, as is proper."

"As is proper," she echoed, her face going blank. She had gone into Beleine Court mode and would not show her emotions to them.

Her family had not expected this reaction. Thev'elin was at a loss and didn't know what was going on since he could no longer read her face and he also sensed her mental shields, though always down while in his house, had suddenly slammed shut with a tight impenetrable wall. She only said, "Pardon me, Father, Stekel, T'Mey. I must retire to my room briefly. If you would only give me a little time." She stood and disappeared from them and made her way to the back of the house where her living area happened to be.

Kaira closed her door and looked at the cozy area she'd barely used since being adopted. It was a large personal bedroom with connections to a kitchenette and bathroom and a little sitting room near a personal door that led to the outside she hadn't even used yet. So far she only had a bed, no other furniture. She crossed the room, sat on her bed and realized that someone, probably T'Mey, had put decorative pillows and blankets on it for her. Then she covered her face and started to cry.

She didn't know why she was crying. She thought if something like this ever happened, if he ever came to her and wanted her she would be happy. But she didn't know quite how she felt at the moment, she just knew she felt like crying and she didn't want anyone else in the house to know. She needed time to think and she decided she wouldn't show her face again until she could get it back on straight.

####

Sarkaal arrived at Thev'elin's place. They offered him water and he took it eagerly and looked around. "Kaira has arrived?" he asked, attempting to keep the eagerness out of his voice but not succeeding.

"And has retired to her rooms," said T'Mey.

"You have already told her?" he asked Stekel and Thev'elin.

"I have," confirmed Thev'elin.

"What did she do?" he asked, the shadow of worry being born in his mind.

"Her face went blank," Stekel answered him. "One moment she was Kaira and the next moment she did not look at all like the sister I have come to know. She excused herself and has gone to her room. She has not exited since."

Sarkaal rose hurriedly and asked Thev'elin, "May I please be allowed to speak with her now?"

"You wish to press your suit?" asked her adoptive father.

"I do," he said with no shame.

"You may do so."

He thought of what his mother had said. "There is a distinct possibility that you may hear her shouting at me. Do not be alarmed. All is well."

Everyone left in the sitting area looked at one another, confused. Why would there be shouting with a proposal of marriage on the table? Kaira was a strange one, indeed; treasured by them all, but still strange.

Sarkaal made his way to the very back of the house to her suite of rooms. He knocked gently. She obviously didn't expect him to be there because when she swung the door open about thirty seconds after he'd knocked her face froze and her eyes grew wider. "Sarkaal," she nearly whispered.

He did not wait for her to allow him entrance. He inserted himself through her door and entered her suite of rooms, closed the door behind him almost sharply and unexpectedly locked it. "I have come to speak with thee," he announced formally as his dark eyes held hers.

She noticed he remained leaning against the door as if to block her way. She knew he could be stubborn but what was going on? Had she stepped into an alternate universe? She had never seen this almost aggressive side of him. "Sarkaal, why did your parents make the offer for you to marry me? Why would they-"

"Because I asked them to." He was looking her square in the eye.

It wasn't the answer she expected. She expected to hear something else, but this? She backed up from him just a little bit. "What? Why?"

He stepped forward then until he was standing just in front of her. "_T'hy'la_," he whispered, "can you honestly say you did not know? Was it so well hidden on my part?"

His whispered words almost distracted her from the point she was trying to make. "This was entirely _your_ idea?" she asked.

"Indeed," he answered as his eyes continually swept up and down every feature of her face, allowing himself for the first time to look at her with hunger and fascination growing in his mind. The roundness of her chin and the soft fullness of her lips, the well formed shape of her high cheekbones and the almost faded line of a bruise probably obtained in childhood on the left side of her forehead.

The way he was staring at her face was more than noticed by her. Where had this come from? She thought T'Maar had gone to his parents, or even to him, with her matchmaking and given them the idea and that's where the proposal came from. "But…but you never once showed any signs of…this," she said as she backed up again and sat down on her bed, trying to reconcile with what he was saying and the way his eyes devoured her face.

"I will speak openly and honestly," he vowed. "When you became ill I was forced to touch your mind repeatedly. Your easy acceptance of me yet refusal of the Healer, it made me consider several things I had never thought of before. And even then I did not immediately think of bonding."

"What did you think of?" she asked, curious about what went through his mind. She found herself allowing her eyes to stay connected to his. For the past few weeks she'd denied herself this because she'd had that feeling that things had changed between them. It turned out that they'd changed all right!

"I thought of touching your mind repeatedly. And while I was able to all was well. However when you recovered and I could no longer do so, I began to destabilize," he admitted as he looked away from her, his shame obvious.

"You?" she asked. "Is that why I didn't see you anymore after I got well?"

"I was in my quarters, meditating almost constantly, attempting to purge my mind of the need to touch yours. I began to think that perhaps I needed help of another sort. It is why I came here, to speak with my father, to see if perhaps he could stabilize me."

"You thought you were going insane."

"That is what I have already stated." He sounded a little annoyed with her not keeping up with his narrative and she found herself almost ready to laugh out loud at his annoyance. "Having been bonded in my youth I had no experience with being an unbonded male as an adult until I lost my bondmate. Forced to touch your mind, I encountered a mind compatible with mine…"

He took her hand in his own and stroked it lightly with his fingers, empathic contact between the two flaring to life. "It was only as I sat out there with your father and brother and listened to them speaking about your prospective choices for mates did I realize that not one of those men offering to bond with you were logical for you." As his words spoke of the possibility of other males being bonded with her the sensations of deep jealousy and possessiveness swam along the contact points of their connected hands from him to her.

"And you realized they were less logical for me than you were?" she asked, distracted by the waves of feeling coming at her from him.

He looked at her, his eyes alive. "No. I realized they were not at all logical and I was the only logical choice. My parents wish it, my sister wishes it, your father wishes it, your brothers wish it…I wish it. Do you?" He'd stepped a little closer with every word. He would do whatever it took to get her to say yes to him; he knew his strong desire for her was wrong yet it communicated itself through the empathic contact.

Her feelings for him were already known since he was touching her hand. But she had only one fear left and the shadow of it communicated itself through the bond. She swallowed as he was right there, in her face, staring her down, not backing away. "Sarkaal," she whispered. "I never anticipated-"

He knew there was a fear there and thought she was attempting to talk herself out of saying 'yes' and stepped even closer to her. He'd sensed also, through the empathic contact, her desire for him and her love. His heartbeat quickened as her feelings for him were confirmed. But that fear in her mind, the in-depth reason for it could not be accessed from light empathic touch. He needed to know what that fear was so he could put it to rest.

He became hyperaware that no one else was around. He felt free to let his guard down fully, physically and mentally. Reaching for her thoughts through the tiny bit of the link left over from his previous meld with her, the tiny contact with her mind after weeks of being denied entrance to it was not enough for him. He found himself bringing his hand up to her face to deepen that contact. She didn't stop him as he placed only two fingers at the correct points so as not to have the meld go any deeper than it should.

The two were silent. Kaira was sitting on her bed while Sarkaal had dropped to his knees just in front of her making them nearly at level with one another. As the sensations of a deeper meld than they'd ever held before streamed by in their joined minds the only sounds they could hear was the beating of their respective hearts and each others breathing. Because she felt him there in her mind, she let go of the tiny bit of resistance still there and let him in fully. Only a fraction of everything became revealed between the two of them as memories, thoughts and intentions swam by. There was a deep emotion building within them both and they began to breathe almost in sync with one another. And her fear of accepting him, the root of it, was suddenly made known. She was under the misapprehension that he needed a bond mate solely for his approaching Time since he was widowed; apart of her worried if that was all she happened to be to him. She was unsure if she was even wanted by him physically, even a little.

His hand dropped from her face since he now knew of her uncertainty. The meld had affected him on a deep level and for a few seconds he only remained there, in front of her on his knees, head down. Once recovered sufficiently, Sarkaal found himself instinctively reaching out to her with both hands. Gently taking Kaira's face into his hands, he pulled her to him as he placed his lips on hers slowly, carefully. The kiss he delivered was gentle and full of his unspoken feelings and the empathic contact between them roared to life through their skin-to-skin contact.

She threw her arms around him and deepened the kiss. Thrilled by his response, the kiss grew deeper still. They knew this was wrong. They should not be doing this. But she wanted him. She'd wanted him for so long. As the depth of her desire for him became known, he sent along his own wave of desire through their touch-contact and the kiss grew even deeper, more passionate, almost out of control. And he was there again, in her mind, practically spilling over into her thoughts. His mouth opened and his tongue found its way over her full lips. As her lips opened to allow him entrance a little moan escaped her and she suddenly had the sensation that she couldn't get enough air or enough of him.

In her mind the mental picture of her inhaling him and melding their bodies and minds assaulted his senses and there was an almost uncontrollable spike in his level of desire. Logic forced him to break contact immediately and back away from her. He hoped he hadn't ruined his chances with the uncontrollable display he'd initiated. He was shaken by the level of desire pulled from him by just one kiss. "Forgive me, Kaira. I should not have-"

"I accept you," she said.

At first, still shaken from having to leave her mind so abruptly, he didn't know what she meant and then he realized. "You will bond with me?"

"Yes," she said. "I will. I will."

He reached out two fingers, the only sort of touching the two should have done up to that point, and waited for her to put her fingers to his. When she did, they felt the almost-electrical flow of connection between them. His eyes devoured her face as much as his mouth had attempted to not so long before. He imagined how much better it would be after they'd bonded and longed for that time to come soon.

But for her, had he not been able to respond to her that way, or in any way, the answer would have been a sharp 'no'. It would have broken her heart but the last thing she wanted was to marry someone who did not feel passionately, did not feel nearly anything, for her.

They knew they could not rely on the _Enterprise_ being in the sector anywhere near Vulcan to marry them officially once his Time was upon them, so before they returned to their duties Sarkaal's clan mother did the honors of officiating the binding of their minds together. Kaira wondered how long she would have to wait for his Fires to come upon him. Only then would they be officially married. They agreed between the two of them to do things the Vulcan/Beleine way and not consummate until that time. When she asked when he anticipated the event, he estimated as short as six months and as long as a year. They did not yet put in to the quartermaster for a change of residence together on the _Enterprise_, though they could have. But neither party trusted themselves not to touch one another too much while living in the same quarters day in and day out. Or as Kaira put it, "If I live with you, Sarkaal, we're going to fornicate within the month."

####

"Well, well, well," said O'Brien when Kaira entered Ten-Forward. Every eye was on her and she felt like sinking into the ship's floor. It had been like this ever since the news had gone out. But unlike the rumors of two years before, this time what everyone heard was true.

"Can I sit with you guys?" she asked.

Keiko smiled and pointed to a chair. "Go ahead. You look like you're going to pass out."

"People keep staring at me. Why do they keep staring at me?"

"Maybe they're happy for you," said Keiko.

"_I'm_ in disbelief," Miles said with no tact and still smiling.

"Why?" asked Kaira.

"You two were best friends, then all of a sudden you weren't talking—yeah I noticed, everyone noticed. Then you get back from Vulcan and you're _engaged _to each other."

She smiled. "I know. I'm still in shock myself."

"So you didn't know?" asked Mrs. O'Brien.

"No. His family offered for me to marry their son and at first I was going to say no."

"Why?" asked Keiko. "You're such good friends and you get along so well and, I'm sure you've noticed, but the Commander is a really good looking man."

"Hey!" said Miles to his wife, but then he started smiling at her with a look that said _I'll make you forget how good looking the commander is later_.

"I know," Kaira admitted. "But I didn't want him to marry me just because his family arranged us. I wanted him to marry me because he wanted to marry _me_."

"And did he?" asked Miles.

Kaira thought of that kiss and just smiled with a smug satisfaction. "Oh, yes, he did."

####

They went back to the way things were, sort of. On several occasions they began as before, meeting up at some other part of the ship to partake in some social activity or hang out in Ten-Forward. But near the end of the evening they would go to either his quarters or hers. The first few days, it was easy. But by the beginning of the second week sticking to their vow was becoming difficult.

They were in Sarkaal's quarters at that time as Kaira was trying to determine what had gone wrong with a holodeck program written by Keiko. She couldn't figure out why some of the scenes in her simulation didn't look right, they were wavering and flickering as they formed. Kaira said, "I'm going to have to go into the code and take a look at it."

"I did not know you were aware of how to do that," he said, in awe of his almost-wife's mysterious talents.

"Yes, it's a cheap little hobby of mine I've been dabbling with on the side. I've never gotten formal training in it or anything but its fun to get into the code and figure things out." She sighed and called up the simulation's code on her data pad. As she delved deeper in and took a look at what was going on with it she became so engrossed she didn't realize Sarkaal was staring at the side profile of her face.

There was a 'flicker' in their bond and she looked up abruptly and saw his face had come nearer to hers. She almost gasped but didn't, her mouth only opened but no sound came out. Was she imagining things? "What have you found?" he asked as he inched entirely too close to her.

She could feel his body heat and found it difficult to breath. She cleared her throat and forced herself to speak. "Um…it would appear there is an error in the sequence where it's supposed to be showing the life of a Bayjoran Elm tree." She turned her face from his, looked down at her pad and saw it was easier to think when she wasn't looking directly at him. "The signal has become degraded because it looks like poor Keiko couldn't get fresh footage, she used stock footage which really means she picked up old code and since it's old…"

She was sitting at his desk in his quarters and he was leaning just next to her. Out of nowhere he put his arm on the desk, almost next to hers. She turned her head to look up at him. His eyes held hers as he reached out with his hand and brushed his fingers along hers, initiating telepathic contact except- she'd never felt anything like whatever he was he was doing to her now! That time she did gasp. "What are you doing?" she had to ask him.

"What I can no longer hold myself back from doing," he said as he sent another wave of pleasure/desire/want along their bond. His eyes had gone almost half lidded with desire.

She stood quickly and moved away from him, knocking her data pad to the floor in her haste to stand. "How are we supposed to last until your Time doing that?" she asked, showing her exasperation.

"Forgive me," he said, as he looked away from her.

She felt badly for him in an instant. She rushed to his side to apologize for her tone. "Oh, Sarkaal, I didn't mean to-"

And a mischievous smirk was on his face as he unexpectedly looked down at her and grabbed her around the waist. He pulled her close to him and hugged her as his eyes revealed flashes of joy. "There is nothing that says we may not touch at all."

Kaira couldn't help but put her arms around him and laugh a little. He surprised her with his strength and lifted her in one motion, carried her to her couch, sat them both down on it. They remained on his couch that way, arms around one another, talking, until she returned to her quarters for the night.

They eventually discovered as long as they didn't go to one another's quarters too late at night things could remain quite tame. But persistence was one of his dominant traits so Sarkaal found another way to express his desire.

####

Kaira was settling down for bed. He'd only left her at her door about an hour before. She wondered how long they would have to endure the torture of the 'well, good night' ritual and then the parting of ways. He'd said anywhere from six to twelve months, but it had already been five months since they'd bonded and she couldn't take much more of it without some kind of release. Even though he hadn't said a word she could feel his frustration through their bond and she was certain he could feel hers. But there was something to be said for Vulcan integrity. He'd vowed not to take things to the next level until they were legally married to Vulcan standards and she knew he would stick to that vow. It was also the way of her people and she agreed, except it was getting difficult not to break that vow. It seemed like the most natural thing in the world to break it. But there were reasons for it, dark ones no one ever discussed.

She tried to read before going to sleep but it just wasn't working for her. After all she was quite tired from her duty shifts. Lieutenant Commander Buyers had apparently gotten past his guilt for almost killing her those months ago and was once again being a colossal jerk toward her. Double shifts abounded for Kaira at least three days a week. His excuse? She was the best at what she did.

Being the official Court Reporter and holding down shifts in the records and research section of the ship was taking its toll on her. She was what she'd often heard her mother referred to as 'dog tired'. She got into bed, slipped under her plush blankets and ordered the lights out. She was dreaming almost as soon as she closed her eyes.

_The desert was hot, the sun high. She didn't know how she'd gotten there. She made her way to an outcropping of rock since she remembered that it was unsafe in the open desert in the day time, not only because of the heat, but because of predators. Not knowing what she would find in the rocks, she moved around them until she found a shallow cave. Almost on reflex she looked for a Tri-corder to scan it. Of course, she'd somehow been stranded here without one!_

_ She peeked into the cave and her eyes adjusted quickly. It appeared to be safe. She walked in cautiously and from the darker end of the cave, someone was emerging. She got into a stance to defend herself and was surprised to see… What was Sarkaal doing here?_

_ Before she could ask him anything he was rushing toward her, pulling her close to him and began kissing her deeply. She of course didn't understand what was happening, but her instincts took over as she hungrily kissed him back. The kiss broke after a short time and she found he was walking them further into the back of the cave. And there he'd spread heavy robes on the floor. She knew what they were for._

_ Willingly, she walked with him to them and sank down onto them with him. The two sat there with one another, both on their knees, staring into each others eyes as overwhelming feelings of love and desire enveloped them. He moved toward her first and gave her a long, soft, tender kiss that left her with nothing but want. "T'Kaira," he whispered as he began to run his fingers through her hair, "my wife. Do you desire me?"_

_ At that moment, she wanted what he wanted. "Undress me, _Adun_," she found herself whispering._

Kaira awoke with a deep gasp and sat up quickly. What the hell? She then had a sneaking suspicion. She reached over, opened her bedside drawer and pulled out her com badge, tapped it. "Kaira to Sarkaal, what was that? Was that you?" she whispered.

He, at first, didn't answer. She wondered if she'd been wrong, if she'd awoken him from a sound sleep or meditation when he answered, "My thoughts appear to have strayed into the dream state and since we are bonded- I apologize."

"You can't help what you dream," she said, ready to let it go.

"Sometimes I can," he said in an almost daring tone of voice. "Can _you_?"

A bold flirtatious side of her took over. "When _you're_ involved, perhaps."

"I will sleep again now," he paused suggestively. "Will you, my wife?"

"Do you want me to, _Adun_?" she whispered with half a smile.

He paused. "Sarkaal out."

She closed her eyes and realized the bond between the two was being accessed by him. She was immediately taken back into the dream at the same point. It was…an interesting night.

Sarkaal was sent off on a mission. It was 'safe', but he would be away an entire three months. She was worried about him, but he assured her he would do everything possible to emerge alive.

"I don't understand how it is that you're being sent away _now_," she whispered.

He didn't say what she was thinking, what they were both thinking. His Pon Farr would be upon him any day from a month from then onward. "I must do my duty."

"You must stay alive," she said. He knew she was angry with him, but he also knew she wouldn't argue about this. He was who he was and who he was dictated that he do his duty first and foremost. Plus they both knew he would not go and tell Starfleet Command, 'pardon me, I'm about to go into heat any day now. Do you think you could delay this mission until I've shagged my wife mindless?' So Kaira only kissed him goodbye and gave him a drama-free farewell.

During their time apart from him she spent a lot of her free time with Deanna and sometimes Keiko and Miles. She would visit Data from time to time since he'd taken up the new hobby of painting. The holodeck was a good diversion, but once ten weeks went by she was more than ready to see Sarkaal again. Then she began to have trouble sleeping.

####

One fine morning she went to the arboretum to check up on Keiko whom hadn't felt too well the day before. "Hey, are we still on for tonight?" she asked.

Keiko still didn't look so good. "I don't know. I still feel terrible."

"Oh? What's the matter, is it the same thing as yesterday?" asked Kaira.

"Yes, my stomach is just as queasy and the thought of eating is oppressive."

"Why don't you go to Beverly and have her look you over?"

"I don't feel like it. It's just a bug so I know it'll pass in a day or two."

"Keep away from me, virus lady. I don't want to catch what _you've_ got," said Kaira as she turned to leave. "Let me know if you're up for the concert later?"

Keiko shrugged. "All right, but this feels like it's not going to let up anytime soon."

By that afternoon, early evening, Keiko felt more than all right. "I don't know, but I feel so much better. I can eat and everything."

"Maybe you had a 24 hour bug," said Kaira, "and you slept off most of it."

"Maybe," said Keiko happily as she ate another serving of Bajoran meat pie.

Two days later, Kaira went to Ten-Forward and ran into Keiko. Her friend didn't look good at all. "Oh no, are you sick again?" she asked her.

"I think it's the same thing. I was sick yesterday morning and I've been sick all day. Miles made me promise to go see Dr. Crusher, but I honestly don't think I need to. It should lift really soon."

"That's what you said two days ago." Kaira thought of what Sarkaal would do if it were her. "Keiko, Miles is worried about you. Just go to Dr. Crusher and let her help you."

"Do you think I should?"

"This is what…four days of this going on five? I think you should go right now or you know you'll never hear the end of it from your husband."

"I'll go if you walk me there," she said.

"Come on, let's go."

Kaira walked her to sickbay and then went to meet Deanna for the ship's poker game. She was doing everything she could to remain occupied, but she couldn't avoid the feeling that had settled into the pit of her stomach. Sarkaal wasn't on the ship and she missed him terribly. She would wake up every morning, shower and leave her quarters as fast as possible, not wanting to be anywhere alone for long so she wouldn't dwell on thoughts of him so far away.

She went by Keiko's arboretum the next morning at just past 0500 hours since she was barely sleeping anyway. She was greeted by her friend's smiling face.

"Did Dr. Crusher help you out?"

"Yes," said Keiko, smiling wider than usual.

"So you feel better now?"

"No, I feel awful!" Keiko was still smiling. "I'm pregnant!"

Kaira hugged Keiko and said, "Congratulations!"

"And I thought it was just a bug."

"Humans are pregnant for what, nine months?"

"Just about," said Keiko. "What, what's yours going to be like?"

"Given the mixed nature of my DNA…I have no idea. The average Vulcanoid carries a child for 13 months. My mother was only able to carry me for about 10 and then they had to put me in an incubator for 2 months until I was ready to go home. Since Sarkaal will most likely be my child's father…maybe I'll make it to the full 13 months."

"Pregnant for over a year?" said Keiko, eyes wide. "I don't know if I could take that."

"You're strong, Keiko, you can take anything!" she joked.

The two laughed and talked for a little while longer and then Kaira reported for duty earlier than usual. When she went to bed that night, she awoke at about 3 a.m., her heart beating hard in her side, forcing her system to work double time. She couldn't identify the origin of the reason her system seemed to be going haywire. A feeling of dread overtook her and she broke out into a cold sweat.

The anxiety attack began to subside, little by little. She would be glad when Sarkaal returned. He'd been gone nearly three months already and she still hadn't had word from him outside their bond. His mission was deemed Classified and there were no answers on where he happened to be at that time. She didn't know the in-depth nature of his mission or even where it was, and since she was unsure of the danger level she never initiated contact through their bond lest she place his life in danger. She lay back after a few moments and although she was unable to sleep again, she allowed herself to rest and think of him.


	11. The Nick of Time

_makaem - Thank you for your reviews. It's nice to know I have a fan for this story, lol!_

The Nick of Time

Sarkaal was returning to the_ Enterprise_ after having been away for nearly three months. The mission had been 'safe' but it had also been stressful. He'd been sent on First Contact to a race of people on behalf of the Federation, Starfleet and the Vulcan Council since the other members of the council had been unavailable. The people were biologically close in resemblance to Vulcans and they felt it was vital that the top ranking officer from the ship in the sector whom was a Vulcan be the ambassador. It fell to him, then.

He'd spent the first month, before setting foot on the world, orbiting the planet, studying the people, their language, their ways. Unlike the Beleine, there were no similarities in language or customs to ancient or modern day Vulcans. As time passed, the initial thought that these people might have been another set of colonists left behind during the Sundering disappeared from his mind.

The little research ship he'd hitched a ride on monitored his progress carefully. He established talks with them. They called themselves the Clorith and were eager to speak with more people like themselves. It was decided by the Federation that for the next few years only Vulcans would contact the Clorith until they grew used to the concept that there were others out there that were unlike them. His First Contact mission was deemed a success by both the Federation and the Vulcan council. Starfleet wanted to give him a medal, but he didn't know if he had time for that just yet.

His last few days among the Clorith and he was glad of the fact that soon he would return to the _Enterprise_ and Kaira…soon to be T'Kaira. He could already feel the beginning pangs of Pon Farr in his mind by the time he left the planet behind. It would be less than two days before he rendezvoused with the ship and therefore his bride. _Kaira_ he thought to her through their bond. _I am coming._

####

Kaira got up one morning to get ready for duty and didn't feel like herself at all. She went on duty, anyway. The day was like slow torture. Every sound was extra loud. The sight of other males made her feel wary and aggressive, and the sight of other females…it was much more complicated. The sight of a woman made her angry only if she mistrusted or did not like her. If she was close, or friends with them, familial feelings toward them were overflowing, augmented. But if it happened to be a female she did not know, she was unusually indifferent to them. She wished she could turn off whatever it was that was happening to her. By the end of the day she had a hammering headache that wouldn't quit.

She supposed a full night's sleep was all she needed and turned in early. Unlike the past few days, she fell asleep quite fast.

At first, the next morning, the extra sleep seemed to do her well. But by late morning, early afternoon, her symptoms from the day before were returning. Little by little every sound reverberated through her head and she couldn't take it anymore. "Permission to go off duty, sir," she found herself almost whispering to Lt. Commander Buyers.

"What's wrong with you?" he said a little too loudly.

She didn't really want to talk to him, couldn't stand the sight of any male but especially him. "I feel like someone's been using my head to scrub their kitchen floor, sir," she forced herself to answer truthfully.

He looked closely at her and him being that close made her want to gouge his eyes out. "Have you been drinking, lieutenant?" he asked.

"No, sir. And it wouldn't matter if I had. Due to my physiology, alcohol can't intoxicate me."

"Work your shift until the end, then," he said.

At first, she didn't answer. She continued searching for the records that needed to be found. At one point she felt like a homing beacon had been engaged in her mind and she simply stood up and walked out of the records and research division.

"Where do you think you're going, Tenary?" asked Buyers as he followed her into the hallway.

"Sickbay," was all she said.

"I didn't give you permission to-"

"I think sometimes you would like to die." She said as she turned on him, her eyes becoming almost feral. "Because if you don't stop riding me, he will kill you…and I'll watch and enjoy it as you scream for mercy."

Buyers felt a chill go down his back. Did she…she actually meant it? And then she left, just like that. He didn't waste his time calling security and ordered them to place her under arrest.

Kaira found herself in sickbay, curled up on a bio bed as she hugged herself, shaking uncontrollably. She was shaking as if full of ice, but she found she was uncomfortably hot. It was not the type of heat that emanated from the surrounding air but something deep within, some unknown source had lit a flame within her bones. And then a voice, his voice in her mind, said _Kaira, I am coming._ She unexpectedly began to cry silently with some feeling akin to relief. He was coming back now. He was coming back!

Dr. Selar was off to the side with two members of security, whispering something. They went away after that. She came to her then and said gently, "Lieutenant, I can give you something that will put you into a state of deep sleep until Commander Sarkaal returns. Do you consent?"

She nodded tiredly, still experiencing the shakes. "No! First tell me, Dr. Selar, what is wrong with me?"

"You don't know?" She realized, "Of course you wouldn't know, you've never been bonded. It is my duty to inform you that your betrothed has begun the Pon Farr and you are feeling the side effects since you are bonded with him. I believe I once heard you say your people call it 'the Fires'. I have put in a discreet call to the Captain and he assures me that the Commander has already left his last assignment and will be here in less than 48 hours. I once again offer to put you under heavy sedation until then."

"Would this feeling subside while unconscious?" she considered, curious as to the effect the medicine would have on her.

"Not entirely, but for the most part it will. And once Sarkaal arrives, you will feel almost instantly better."

"Thank you for the offer," she said as she rolled over, drew her knees up to her chest and hugged herself some more. "But amongst my people, that is taboo. I can accept no outside help to sleep away from the Fires. I have to burn in them until I am joined by my Chosen."

Dr. Selar knew that that was a throwback to ancient times when they felt it was better to burn than allow ones self to be sedated. She also knew many Vulcans up till this day felt it was better to attempt to squelch the flames with meditation but not drugs. It still amounted to not accepting sedation. "If you wish. However, I can also offer that you meditate in the comfort of your own quarters."

"I agree with that," she said with a fevered shiver, not wanting anyone on the _Enterprise_ to see her this way.

"Can you accept a drug that will briefly dull the effects of the blood fever?"

She thought about it for a moment. "It is only temporary? It will not put me to sleep?"

"It is only temporary," she confirmed. "It will last approximately one day. It will give you a sense of relaxation and allow you to feel like yourself for that short time. You will then be able to get as much done as possible in that time, perhaps even rest throughout the day and get a complete night's sleep. The blood fever can prevent sleep, therefore I advise you to take advantage of the clear mind while you can."

"I can accept that intervention."

####

After accepting the mind calming medication, Kaira spent the first part of that day packing up her quarters. She knew that since her and Sarkaal would be effectively married once this entire process was done, they would have to move into new, bigger quarters together. She didn't have all that many possessions on the _Enterprise,_ so it only took three hours for her to pack up her things.

She spent the rest of her time calling up the Holodeck program that replicated her husband-to-be's family koon-ut-kal-i-fee grounds used by them since ancient times. Sarkaal himself had put it together the day the two of them returned to the ship, betrothed. He knew chances were high that the ship would be nowhere near Vulcan at the time of his blood fever and he wanted to make their marriage as official as possible. As she drew comfort from the look of the marriage grounds since the time of ancient Vulcan, the irony of her position, she knew, was the closer he was the less insane she would feel. She felt a deep and consuming worry for Sarkaal and wondered how he was doing, how was he handling his Time? She was afraid to reach out for him through the bond, not knowing where he happened to be at that time. It was a persistent ache within her to know that contacting him at the wrong time could possibly get him killed or cause him to lose control, especially at this time.

She forced herself to leave the holodeck simulation and return to her quarters to go to bed at the normal time, though she still felt fine. She kept in mind Dr. Selar's warning: sleep during the blood fever was difficult and for some nonexistent. So she went to sleep that night knowing the next day would not be enjoyable for her at all until he came closer in physical proximity. And how much worse for him would it be? She forced the question into the back of her mind as she remembered he'd been through this before. The first time, she heard, was always the worse. He was strong, mentally. He could hide his symptoms for a few days more, yet… she hoped.

####

Sarkaal was less than a day away from the _Enterprise. _It had taken him half a day on board the research ship to reach the rendezvous point of the space station. It had taken another half day wait for the ship he was due to meet to pick him up. He settled into his quarters, on that ship, in deep meditation. He'd put in a request that none disturb him. He was worried, for the first time ever, about his reaction to the blood fever.

His previous blood fevers had not had this effect on him. They'd been severe in their own ways and he'd felt the need to unite with his bride, but his former wife- there was certainly nothing wrong with her, but the two of them had pursued their respective careers to the exclusion of all else. They'd been betrothed as children and barely knew one another. They had not been close but neither had they been oppositional to one another. Had she still been alive he knew that someday the two would have settled on Vulcan and gotten to know one another better, perhaps even raised children if at all possible. But it was not to be. She was dead and he had been forced to take another wife. Kaira…his T'Kaira…

His mind gasped at the thought of her and his eyes snapped open, leaving his meditations behind. He had known her well and too long now and put off the inevitable for this moment. A flash of anger tore though his mind. He'd waited so long for this and she was nowhere near! He wanted- no, _needed_ her. His dominant heart was hammering in his side and he felt a wave of anxiety rising like an ocean, threatening to engulf him.

Sarkaal found himself standing much too quickly while trying to escape the thoughts and emotions, almost losing his balance. He held fast to the closest surface, a low-set table, and forced himself to finish standing up slowly. He took deep breaths in and out and put his fingers together in a meditative steeple, closed his eyes and thought of the sands of the desert.

Clean sand, so much of it, peaceful, rising up and down in dunes. He sat back down slowly and continued to breathe in and out, deeply. He felt his pulse begin to decrease and continued with the meditation. He saw the sands of Vulcan, at night, imagined himself covered in the coolness of it, forced his mind and body to relive the extreme cold of night. _It is better here, in the coolness_ he thought.

Time passed. Sleep eluded him but his meditations continued. The cool of Vulcan's night in his mind gave rise to daytime. The sun, red and scorching, invaded his mind and forced the heat back into his being. Sarkaal fought to exit the thoughts but found that even with his eyes open the heat was there, in his soul, swallowing him from the inside. For the first time in so long he felt unguarded raw emotion, his veneer of control forced away like new skin pushed back on an open wound. He put his head down on the low table before him. He tried repeatedly to gain mastery of his emotions and reinstitute the layers of control so familiar to him, but madness was tugging at his mind, willing him to become violent because he could not have her _now_.

Perhaps she did not remember it was their time, that it was here now or perhaps she'd sought another to challenge him! He would _KILL_ whoever her new mate was. But perhaps it was already too late for them? He was more than miserable, with this line of thought, he was misery itself.

_I am with you, my love!_ -The thought came to him through the bond. _Thou art not forgotten_ she thought in Ancient High Vulcan, the only language that bridged their cultures.

_Kaira-_ She was there, he sensed her. But she was not in the room with him! His hands went out, clutching the air as he searched for her and the logical part of him was ashamed as he banged his head on the low table in front of him until blood ran and he wept openly in his madness and want.

####

Kaira awoke late the next morning and sensed Sarkaal there, in her mind. But this mind connected to hers was not the man she knew. He was raging and mad with fury that he could not find her. She was instantly worried about where he might be and the damage he might cause. She sensed his fear that she'd found someone else to replace him. _I am with you, my love! Thou art not forgotten_ she found herself thinking in an ancient tongue her father had taught her in her youth but warned her to never tell a soul on their home world. She would discover later it was so close to Ancient High Vulcan the origins were unmistakable.

She couldn't go back to sleep after that. The effects of the medication had also worn off. Not only that but she could sense that he was closer than before. The closer he came, the less insane she felt. But the worry for him was there, in her mind, amplified. And she knew she would have to spend the entire day reassuring him through their bond, trying to stave off his madness and hers.

Years ago in her youth she'd heard whispers of the Fires and thought to herself that she would never want to undergo such a horrible thing, not for anyone. But now, with Sarkaal, her primary thought was getting him through it, helping him to remember she would not seek out another in her wait for him. _I am waiting for __**you**_. She kept thinking it to him over and over. _Do not worry. I am waiting. There is no other in my heart or mind... I still wait._

####

Sarkaal forced himself up off of the bed after a restless day of broken meditations. He'd tried over and over to find a thread of neutral thought, relax and reinstitute control. It wasn't working. Twice he'd risen only to break some item in his sight but it did not cause him to feel any better. Whenever the thoughts or anger threatened to engulf him, every time his insecurities rushed in at him, Kaira's mind would be there reassuring him of her fidelity and he found it easier to cope.

He forced his energy into cleaning the quarters he was occupying, removing the dried blood from his former act of self mutilation, disinfecting every surface obsessively, replicating the items he'd broken and meticulously finding and discarding the damaged things and disposing of them. Had it not been for Kaira's broadcasts he would not even have put forth the effort. She was not an experienced telepath, had only ever learned to block her thoughts and keep them shielded. But she was trying her best to help him maintain what little control he possessed.

From time to time she would send him a flash of how she saw him; cool, competent, contained. He also saw flashes of himself he would never imagine existed, but she shared them nonetheless. His dry sense of humor, his kindness, his wanting to make others around him comfortable though he did not understand why it was necessary; and surprisingly she found it funny whenever he expressed any form of impatience when she did not follow what he was saying immediately. She saw it as a childish trait he would have to work on but one she would sorely miss when it was gone. And yet more facets of himself he had never openly explored were broadcasted to him, but she recognized they were there. Her love for him was open, apparent, unashamed.

The two had never discussed love, not once. They did not come from worlds where it was seen as a necessary emotion, but on her world it was certainly not forbidden to feel or express. On his world to admit it openly was a transgression that could land you in a mental hospital. But not now. He could feel no shame for it now! He sent waves of it through their bond when his feelings began to be oppressive and he could keep it to himself no longer. Even if he could never speak it aloud she would know beyond a shadow of a doubt she was more than simply wanted by him, more than needed. She would know.

####

By the time he arrived back aboard the _Enterprise_, Dr. Selar sent clearance that Sarkaal was to be transferred directly to the holodeck. Since he had just come from a First Contact mission there needed to be no explanation as to why, it was simply done.

As soon as Sarkaal finished materializing, he looked around at his own program, the one he'd made not so long ago while still in his right mind. He felt his blood boil more. The sight of Vulcan, his family's ancient grounds for the Time of Mating, even though a simulation, was a swelling culmination for the fever within his mind. With mad eyes he turned and saw she who was his bride wearing the colors of her people. Surprisingly, he was able to put a cap on his insanity for a few seconds more. "T'Kaira, we meet at the appointed time and place," he whispered the ancient words, exhausted from nearly three days of no sleep and having barely eaten.

She approached him almost shyly, but with steady feet, her two fingers outstretched. "Parted from me and never parted," she answered as he met her fingers with his own.

His hands went right from her fingers to her face and she allowed him to do so. Her mind did not snap shut at the almost rough way he intruded. Her mind was as eager as his to connect and bridge things for them, cement the marriage permanently. When the initial meld was complete, the two did a site-to-site to his quarters.

####

The minute they materialized Kaira's dress was up and over her head then thrown across his quarters by her. She couldn't quite remember who'd removed it. There was a crash as his coffee table was kicked aside by him. That left a space on his floor bare for the two of them.

He turned to look at his bride and his breath caught in his chest. Even in his madness he stopped to stare at the unclothed body standing before him. His eyes raked up and down her physique with heated approval. Only one thing gave him pause. He felt the first twinge of fear from her through their bond and his eyes snapped to hers, truly concerned. He could barely breathe for the restraint he was showing. He raised his hand to her while holding onto his sanity as hard as he could, and begged, his voice ragged, "Come to me, my wife. Do not fear me."

Kaira forced as much of her fear aside as she could and found herself walking toward him. She began to question the wisdom of remaining a virgin until this moment. Surely during the heat of the Fires was not the time to lose something so delicate and irretrievable? Memories she refused to think of before flooded her consciousness; memories of young women from her homeworld emerging after being caged with a man during his Fires. Some of the young women looked…empty, bruised, unhappy. She found herself standing before him and dread began to build inside her. She tried to remind herself that the ones where the women didn't fare too well, in most cases they hadn't known the man before time.

He felt it all through the bond and some part of him, even in his madness, ached for her. He fell to his knees and found himself hugging her to him, his face pressed benignly to her stomach. "Do not fear me," he struggled to speak again. He looked up into her eyes and silently plead with her. He felt his control slipping again and this was not the way he wanted it to be. His ability for speech was beginning to leave him. He knew what he was about to become and fought it with all of his might.

She looked down at him and saw the desperation and want in his eyes. But she also detected, through the bond, his unwillingness to hurt her. She fell to the floor, on her knees just like him, and put her fingers to his face at the correct points and drew emotions from him, allowed them to augment her feelings.

He restrained himself even further by simply staying there with her, on his knees, letting her search his mind. He kept his hands from touching her even though the effort cost him more than too much.

She found the core of the fever in his mind and allowed it to reach out and spark something within her. The Fire began to spread within her, not as quickly as in his, but it was there now. It was still paired with her fear and she found herself pressing her lips to his as tears began to course down her face. Why wasn't this working? Why was she so afraid!

He reached out, only mentally, and fed her the memory of that night he'd intruded on her dreams. He felt her mentally gasp at the memory. _Yes, T'Kaira, remember that night…the night in our dream, the cave…_

And she did. It had been a long sensuous dream filled with heights of emotion previously unknown to her. But her love for him was paramount in that memory. His hands slowly rose and came to her face, initiated a deeper meld. She gasped again as the Fire from him spread like lightning through her limbs.

His restraint about to slip, he kissed the tears from her face. Removing his hands from her face he took fistfuls of her hair into his hands and buried his face into her long black hair and inhaled its unique scent deeply. That was the action that undid her. It was so innocuous and sweet she pulled him directly to her and kissed him until she saw stars behind her eyes.

His control broke then and he found himself hastily laying her on the ground before him. Since it was not his first or even second Time he found he had better control than previously. And this was not a woman he barely knew. This was Kaira. He joined her by lying next to her and before he did anything else he gazed deeply into her eyes. _Do you accept me as yours, adun'a?_ He asked permission.

The way his eyes held hers, the emotions she detected from him through the bond, the ones just below his lust and almost-rage- the love, the concern, the caring… "Yes," she whispered.

Slowly, he reached out one hand and pulled her closer to him.


	12. Another Aftermath

Another Aftermath

Sarkaal lay in bed next to his wife and watched her during the latter part of her sleep cycle. Listening to the evenness of her breath going in and out, he moved closer to her to feel the air from her nose touch the front of his face. He kept himself from touching Kaira, not wanting to awaken her ahead of time. He surveyed her face repeatedly, fascinated by her, everything about her, even the way she looked while she slept.

But there was a problem that remained unaddressed and he was bordering on frustrated because of it, he could no longer deny it. His wife would return from duty every day and say nothing for almost half an hour. She would immediately begin cleaning their abode and keep to herself, trying to shield him from her thoughts and feelings. She would wait until she was herself again and then open their bond and speak freely.

He suspected what that meant. Lieutenant Commander Buyers was being ridiculous toward her, yet again. Ever since she'd snapped at the lieutenant commander and threatened him with death nearly three weeks before in her Pon Farr induced madness- if her superior had it out for her before, he was seriously bent on her professional destruction since then. Sarkaal supposed the man did not understand why Kaira had not been taken into custody by security nor penalized in any way. But Dr. Selar had marked her as suffering from some obscure deadly virus that mysteriously clears up about a week after treatment. The side effect of the 'virus' was temporary insanity. Buyers, obviously, did not care. It was enough of a reason, to him, to make his wife even more miserable.

As usual Kaira saw the lieutenant commander's power as absolute and felt it was her duty to take harsh treatment from him. He sometimes wondered if he himself mistreated Kaira, would she feel it was her duty to take it from him? He hid the ghost of a smile. No, not her, not in a relationship. She might even do something volatile like hurl an object at his head and then patch him back up if it injured him too badly. He would never admit it aloud, but it was a part what he found so appealing about her.

The situation was on his mind because his wife's stress level, he knew, was through the roof. Things had become so difficult for her he'd heard his wife being sick to her stomach the day previous not five minutes before she was supposed to report for duty. He knew it was not uncommon for humans to become sick to their stomachs if a stressful situation was out of hand and she _was_ half human. And Kaira did in fact have a history of stress-related stomach ailments. In the days during their friendship he had seen her go through something similar twice before.

Just then, her eyes snapped open with an 'I caught you!' expression. _I felt you watching me again_ she thought to him with a tiny smile.

Ever since they'd bonded the two used the telepathic mode to speak more and more often. His wife was a gifted telepath, but her abilities still lay there nearly untouched. And then his mind turned to Lieutenant Commander Buyers. _My wife, I wish to discuss something with you I find quite distressing._

She knew the subject he was about to broach and rolled her eyes at him as she sat up sleepily. "Oh, what _now?_" she said, exasperated.

"It is the matter of your superior, Buyers. I know he has been more than unfair in his treatment of-"

And she was off. She'd jumped up and run away into their shared bathroom. He assumed she must truly not want to talk about it until he realized she was sick again. His fists clenched and his eyes squeezed shut. Ancient drives paired with twisted logic were telling him it would be better to snap the lieutenant commander's neck so his wife would no longer be troubled. Surprised at the unchecked thought that had made it to the surface of his mind, he clamped it down immediately and then made a mental note to run the program on the holodeck of Vulcan monks and meditations as soon as possible. It would help clean any excess mental debris left over from his blood fever that had ended only two weeks before. He heard the shower engage and after enough time his wife emerged, clean and dressed in uniform. "T'Kaira-"

"Not now, please," she begged him. "Not before I go on duty. Please?"

He looked into his wife's eyes that sparkled so like clean cut emeralds. She was pleading with him mentally as well. "It is not logical to leave this unattended to," he said as his hands reached out and rubbed up and down the backs of her arms.

She was deeply comforted by his touch and wished she didn't have to go on duty just yet. "I know. Just…I will deal with it, I promise. It's affecting you now and I can't let it go on any longer, I see."

"Perhaps-"

"Yes?"

"If you would allow me to come up with a non-invasive way of dealing with this situation-"

"You can do that," she said with an easygoing shrug and then realized it was time for her to leave. "I have to go on duty now." And she started toward the door to start her day.

"Kaira!" he unexpectedly called out to her before she left.

She turned and looked back at him, curious. And he simply stood there, looking at her. She accessed their bond as he stood there, his breath caught in his chest while he watched her staring back at him. Then she crossed the room to him and extended her two fingers to his. They touched briefly. "I love you," she whispered to him as her eyes held fast to his. She turned and left before she did what she really wanted to do. And what she really wanted to do was spend the rest of the morning in bed with her husband.

####

After making it out of her quarters still dressed that morning, Kaira walked down the corridors of the _Enterprise_. She loved this ship, loved its crew. Her second five-year stint in Starfleet would be up in less than a year. She had already decided she would only do ten active years in Starfleet all those years before. Those were her plans. She knew it would be better for her to continue her schooling for a few years and then return to Starfleet a little later in life. It made her sad, the change in her course in life, but it was time to do something else. It troubled her that her and Sarkaal had still not discussed what would happen between them once her time was up on the _Enterprise_. He still had a year of service left after she would be discharged from the service.

It was not uncommon, she knew, for Vulcan couples to spend big chunks of time apart while pursuing their careers. He'd done that with his first wife their entire marriage. What difference would it make to him to have a different woman in his life this time around? He had a career to attend to, as well, not just her. She knew she should discuss these thoughts with him but it was still very early in their married life and she had no desire to rock the boat yet. There was still time for all of this to be settled…she hoped. She sometimes wondered if she had the courage to tell him how she felt and what she truly wanted for their future. And would he give it to her? She wondered what was wrong with her lately. She'd been so worried about everything and emotional almost to the point of irrationality.

The thought of reporting for duty under Lieutenant Commander Buyers that day made her stomach drop out from under her. Another wave of nausea hit. She didn't want to go on duty. She realized she never wanted to go on duty these days. She hadn't told anyone else the way the man made her feel. Sure, the Pon Farr induced madness in her, but the truth had finally come out all those weeks ago. She'd honestly wished for Sarkaal to kill the man in his maddened state. The only reason she did not broadcast the desire to him was, even in her madness she recognized the consequences if Sarkaal had done a thing like that at her behest. No amount of 'temporary insanity' pleas, even legitimate, would fly in a court of law. And the shame of both their races would be splashed across the Federation News. No way would she be the one to blow the Pon Farr secret open to the rest of the galaxy, not like that.

So she was on her way to duty and hated the thought of it. Before she made it there, her com badge went off. "Captain Picard to Lieutenant Tenary."

She stopped in her tracks and tapped her communicator. "Yes, sir?"

"Report to Briefing Room 4 in half an hour with your equipment; we have several statements we need you to take."

"On my way, sir," she answered happily with a 'spike the ball' move and victory dance right in the middle of the hallway. She didn't even care that a passing crewmember looked at her as if she were nuts. The day was looking up for her already! Captain Picard was a much better taskmaster than Buyers. He was strict, but he was fair. Her stomach felt better already!

####

Deanna and Dr. Crusher sat at their table in Ten-Forward. "So then Data hits the ambassador in his face with a slice of pie."

Deanna's mouth dropped open. "What happened after that?"

"The ambassador starts laughing, can you believe it? He laughed and said, 'that's what I get for telling an android I deserve pie in the face'."

Deanna couldn't find it in herself to laugh. She would have to talk to Data about the figurative sense of words, yet again. She saw Kaira Tenary come into the room and waved her over.

"Hey ladies, what's happening?" asked the petite green eyed woman as she approached their table.

"Sit down," invited Deanna. "How are things going in your department?"

Kaira smiled as she sat down with them. "The Captain called me to take statements today so I didn't have to work in my department, haha!"

Dr. Crusher smiled weakly. It was becoming legendary around-ship that Lieutenant Commander Buyer's favorite activity was picking on Lieutenant Tenary. How did she bear it so well? Had it have been her she'd have lost her temper a long time ago with the man. There was even a betting pool, five to one odds, that Kaira would punch the Lieutenant Commander in the face within the month. "So you didn't have to see the Oppressor today?"

"No," she smiled widely.

"I saw Sarkaal," said Deanna. "He stopped by my office."

Kaira was suddenly not smiling anymore. "What did my husband tell you?"

"I wanted to discuss this with you as well, Beverly; but Kaira, Sarkaal told me you've been sick two mornings in a row before having to report to Buyers. Is that true?"

The Lieutenant sighed and tried to wave her words off. Dr. Crusher intervened and asked, "Sick? What kind of sick?" Her hand was itching to pull out her scanner and check Kaira herself, but the lieutenant had not given permission to scan her there in 10-Forward.

"Oh, Beverly, I don't need to see a doctor!" protested the lieutenant.

If this was what it took to have the young woman report the Commander for his treatment of her- "I want you in for a physical exam and stress test tomorrow morning," ordered Dr. Crusher.

"But Dr. Selar is on Vulcan now, so-"

"So you can see me," smiled Dr. Crusher. "Then you can have a session with Deanna afterwards if your stomach problem is stress related. It will help you diffuse it somewhat to talk about it."

Kaira was tenacious and one thing she knew was how to work a loophole. "But you're not familiar with Vulcan or Beleine physiology. Plus, my hybrid system-"

"You're half human," Dr. Crusher cut her off. "Tomorrow morning, before you report for duty, come to sickbay and get this done. I'll call the Oppressor himself and let him know you'll be late by my orders."

Kaira sighed. "Well when you put it _that_ way." She had to laugh. But she wanted to give her husband a piece of her mind.

####

Sarkaal did not know where his wife happened to be. He wanted to send an inquiry along their bond but knew that was bordering on the obsessive. Just then, she walked into their quarters. "Kaira, I was beginning to wonder where you-" and then he saw the look on her face. She was angry. He tried to access their bond. Her mind was shut tight to him. "T'Kaira," he said, hurt in his voice. "Why have you blocked me from our bond?" He had a feeling that this time it had nothing to do with her superior.

"Why, Mr. Tattler?" she yelled. "Why did you go to Deanna today and tell her about my being sick?"

He was taken aback. Kaira had only ever yelled at him a handful of times. "I was concerned. The lieutenant commander has obviously made you quite ill by his treatment of you. Your level of stress must be elevated and I supposed perhaps you would do well by speaking to the counselor. You gave me authorization to handle this in a non-invasive way. Having you report for stress counseling is a non-invasive way of the lieutenant commander being brought to task for his behavior."

"I do not _need_ to see a counselor!" she yelled. "You do!"

"I beg to differ," he said quite coolly. "You are the one who has raised your voice. And if this is the way his behavior has affected my wife, then it is none too soon that you receive treatment."

"It's no one else's business when I get sick! How dare you broadcast my weakness!"

"Kaira, this is not something worthy of becoming upset over. In actuality, it is not at all logical to even become upset."

"Oh, yeah? How would _you_ know?" she went into their bathroom and locked the door.

At first he heard nothing. He approached the door and listened at it. She was not sick this time. She was...crying. He always assumed if Kaira cried in his presence he would be annoyed. But he was not. Since she'd shut their bond so tightly, he couldn't tell what she was feeling. He only knew his wife was upset with him. She was not dealing with this in a logical way, he knew that. But he also knew it was not right for strife to continue between them. He knocked on the door gently. "My wife," he said softly. "You will speak with me now, face-to-face so that we may solve what has gone wrong between us."

She didn't answer at first. Then he heard her being sick to her stomach again. "Go **away,**" she croaked miserably.

He flinched. Sarkaal never thought she would say such a thing to him. She must be quite angry with him, indeed. "Why has this caused such upheaval within you?" he asked through the door. He had never once seen Kaira behave this way in all the time he knew her.

Kaira was sitting on the floor in their bathroom, tears streaming down her face and she realized he really didn't understand what it was he'd done. She cried more as she washed her mouth out. Then she forced herself to stop crying. She used one of the techniques Thev'elin had taught her to control her emotions. It didn't stop her from being upset, but it enabled her to think about the situation from his point of view.

His wife was being picked on and there was really nothing he could do about it. That would drive any man insane. But Vulcan men saw it as their duty to take care of every aspect of their family. And if there was someone bullying a member of their family, they would try any legal avenue to get that bullying to stop; even speak to a counselor to try and get their wife to complain about her treatment by a steamroller of a superior officer.

She opened the bathroom door, expecting him to be gone from their quarters or maybe across the room. But he was still standing right there at the door waiting for her to come out. Then she remembered why that might be. He'd asked her a question and he was still waiting for an answer from her. She looked up at him and though his face betrayed no emotion, his eyes were concerned. She realized, belatedly, that she'd cut him off mentally and it was taking a toll on him. Old habits died hard. It took all of her effort to allow her mental wall to raise just a little, almost as if she was shoving against a brick wall to let back him in.

Feeling their bond inch open, he took her by the hand, led her to their couch and compelled her to sit down with him. "You will speak with me now," he just about ordered.

She couldn't help it but she started laughing. "I'm sorry. You look so serious and now you're telling me to speak to you."

He looked down at his hand still holding hers. "T'Kaira, I do not understand why my actions have caused you to become this angry with me."

She nodded. "I know. I realize that _now_. You thought you were helping me."

"Of course, I only ever wish to help."

"Sarkaal, Dr. Crusher was there when I spoke to Deanna and she's ordered me to come in for a physical tomorrow." When it came to confidentiality, there was no room for it in certain situations on a starship. Any report of any form of sickness to a counselor and the ship's doctor had to be informed to prevent outbreaks.

He hadn't seen that coming. Kaira did not like going to the doctor…ever. "I see."

"And…" she sighed. "Sarkaal, on my world-" She was embarrassed to admit this. "I see you every day. And you look so much like the men from my world I take for granted that we don't come from the same culture. A man on Beleine would never tell anyone of his wife's being ill. He would never expose her- weakness. He would only do so if he were trying to get rid of her to marry someone else."

It hadn't occurred to him. This was some cultural taboo he'd stepped into. He wasn't even aware this issue existed! "I was not aware of this cultural difference." It made sense to him, the more he thought of it. She came from a world where any form of weakness, mental, emotional or physical, was not tolerated; if discovered it would be exploited and most likely lead to the person's downfall. It was so like ancient Vulcan. And she'd reacted in the only logical way she knew. She felt betrayed, locked him off from their bond to protect herself and then, as he'd heard Miles O'Brien say of another crewmember once, she verbally came out swinging.

She looked away from him. "I'm so sorry I got that angry at you. I didn't even realize that's _why_ I was so angry until I was sitting in there thinking about it! I mean, you didn't know. And I'm sorry I yelled at you, you didn't deserve that at all."

"I did not wish to cause you further distress. I apologize for my actions," he said softly as he rubbed her hand between his two larger hands. "I will come to sickbay with you for the exam," he decided, on the spot.

She looked up at him and smiled. "You will?"

"It will atone?" he asked, relieved to see the smile on her face. One of his long slender fingers was tracing itself along the outline of her jaw. He was watching everything about her. The slope of her forehead and that little scar on the left side of it, the way she no longer covered her ears, the jewel green of her eyes set against the backdrop of her dark brown skin.

"There is nothing to atone for, Sarkaal. You're seeing to your wife's health, according to the ways of your people. I need to respect that." Leaning into him, she laid her face against his chest and could hear the distant sound of one of his hearts beating. "But I do admit, it will make me feel better to have you there with me."

A feeling he could not describe overcame him and he gently lifted her face off of his chest and brought their foreheads together, looked into her eyes. "My wife," he whispered almost breathlessly.

She knew that tone. "Yes?" she asked as she felt a lifting sensation in her stomach.

"It is unpleasant for me to experience your anger," he admitted as his face came closer to hers. He gave her a slow, gentle kiss, filled it with the emotions he would never speak aloud.

She felt like crying. "I'm truly sorry, Sarkaal," she whispered as she looked up into his eyes. And she saw his vulnerability there, in those eyes, a side of him he would never show another, perhaps not even his parents. "I'll try my best not to become angry with you like that again. I'll think next time before I yell."

"I did not mean to bring you dishonor," he said as he slowly lifted her into his arms and stood.

"Where are you taking me?"

"To our bedroom. I must make up for what I've done," he said, heat in his eyes.

"Sarkaal!" she exclaimed, laughing. "You don't have to do _that_."

He only gave her a smug grin. "I would not want to be remiss in my duties," he said as he nuzzled her neck and entered their bedroom. After a playful bite on her shoulder, she was already anticipating what was going to happen between them next.

####

From the moment she entered sickbay Sarkaal noticed Kaira was a bundle of nerves. "Do not worry, my wife. It is simply a physical examination. Whatever the source of your recent ills shall soon be discovered." _And perhaps we can make Lieutenant Commander Buyers a thing of the past._

"That's what I'm afraid of," she murmured under her breath, answering both his spoken and unspoken words. They stood, side by side, waiting for Doctor Crusher to direct her to a bio bed. In the sight of all others, he was a cool, dispassionate Vulcan simply standing next to a woman whom happened to be his wife.

But within the confines of their bond, he was mentally encouraging her. _I am with you, T'Kaira. Whatever is wrong, Dr. Crusher is a skilled physician. We will get to the bottom of your stress attacks. I am at your side, come what may._

Doctor Crusher exited her office just then. "I'm glad to see you're here on time," she said with a smile. "I thought I was going to have to dispatch security from the look on your face yesterday when I told you to report to me first thing in the morning."

Kaira tried to laugh, but couldn't. "If it wasn't for Sarkaal bringing me in that might be the case right now. Well, which bed do I-"

"Bio-bed 2."

Kaira went to it and instead of just hopping up on her own Sarkaal was there to lift her up onto it. "That's scandalous, Commander," she teased and caught the lightest smirk on the side of his face where no one could see.

_No, what occurred between us last night, that was scandalous _he answered through their bond. _If it pleases you, I will do it again tonight…_

As she lay down on the bio bed she tried her best not to laugh out loud at the dirty-minded Vulcan with a straight face standing next to her. Trying his hand at this brand of humor, she knew, was his attempt to relax his wife in the face of one of the things she hated most: Getting medically examined.

Then she took a deep breath and tried to relax as Dr. Crusher came over and began scanning her. As she scanned, she informed her, "Lieutenant Tenary, we're here to conduct a regular physical on you and then a stress test. The stress test is a little bit strenuous but I know it's nothing you can't-" and she abruptly stopped talking as she looked down at her medical tricorder. Doctor Crusher then looked over at Kaira. "How long have you been getting sick?"

"About a week," she cringed. But she was no good at lying. "All right, lying will get me nowhere, right? I've been getting sick something like nine days, maybe ten."

Sarkaal's head snapped around quickly and he simply looked at his wife, the expression on his face worse than serious. He'd presumed this was just a recent thing. He had no idea it had been going on for over an entire week. _We will discuss the meaning of true honesty between bond mates __**later**_ he informed her mentally. She cringed. Ouch! He wasn't pleased with her at all. Her nerves doubled.

Doctor Crusher couldn't keep a silly grin off her face. "Have you been nauseated?"

"Yes," admitted Kaira.

"Any other symptoms?"

She didn't want to say it with Sarkaal standing there, but figured it was past time to hide the truth anymore. "Light-headed, sometimes dizzy, but not too much with the dizziness. I- I've been crying a lot, too; every morning in the bathroom, during breaks, on my lunch hour, even in the shower. And I've been losing my lunch every afternoon. And in the mornings I don't even know what I have left over in my stomach to regurgitate, but I guess its bile that comes up."

"T'Kaira," said Sarkaal almost incredulous at what he was hearing. "Why have you mentioned none of this to _me_?"

Anyone else looking at him wouldn't detect it. But from within the bond she could feel his hurt at being kept in the dark about her health. "I don't know," she said as she looked away from him, ashamed.

"I am your husband," he said. "Please do remember that fact in future. It is only logical that I am apprised of every aspect of your health."

"I will remember that in future," she promised, humoring him with a little smile. She knew this was also going to be added onto their list of 'talking points' tonight. Double ouch! Daaaaaamn…

"Well he's not just your husband anymore," said Dr. Crusher.

The two looked at her and then finally registered the silly grin on her face. "Clarify," said Sarkaal.

"You're also the father of her child. Congratulations. You two are having a baby. There'll be no stress test today," she announced happily.

"Me?" asked Kaira, in shock, as she saw her husband's eyebrow go so high she thought it might fall off his face.

"The embryo is three weeks gestation, so you're roughly five weeks along."

"We will need bigger quarters," was the only thing that exited Sarkaal's mouth as he nodded. But inside he was almost numb. He had not expected this. He should have, but he had not. Most Pon Farrs are more than capable of conceiving a child on one try and with the amount of copulation that occurs during the Time of Mating it almost guaranteed conception. But he had overestimated Kaira's being a hybrid standing in the way of conception. He'd assumed they would have to have children via genetic engineering. Obviously that was not so this time.

Because Kaira was a hybrid, Dr. Crusher made her stay in sickbay until she'd contacted Dr. Selar whom was at a conference on Vulcan. When she was finally reached, the Vulcan healer was very explicit in her instructions. Kaira was high-risk and was to be removed from all forms of stress and returned to Vulcan as soon as possible. The original team that put her together would be ready to receive her by then. Dr. Crusher was sent the schematics of how to check the embryo inside Kaira and make genetic adjustments.

Once she did her first check that day it was discovered that one crucial genetic shift had gone astray in the baby. One of Sarkaal's colleagues in the Genetics Lab attended the case and worked with Dr. Crusher. The anxious parents waited until Dr. Crusher and Sarkaal's fellow geneticists had gone in and fixed the deviation.

"This is considered a medical emergency and as such the Enterprise has been diverted to Vulcan. Relax. We'll be there within four days. In the meantime, I've been advised to tell you that you are to remain in your quarters, relaxed, at all times. Do not become angry, do not do too much activity. Certainly there is to be no heavy lifting. The child is at a fragile stage at this moment, according to Dr. Selar. I've asked Geordi and Data to modify the environmental conditions in your quarters for the sake of the developing embryo. The gravity and pressure will be modified to a Vulcan norm instead of Federation neutral, all right?"

The two nodded, but Kaira was still a little bit nervous about all of this. "I will go and assist them," said Sarkaal to Dr. Crusher.

"You, sir, though brilliant, are not an engineer," teased Kaira.

"No. I am not. I am a geneticist. And I am entirely too close to this case. My logic will certainly be faulty here concerning our child and I must step away so that I do not cause errors in his or her care by my hovering and double checking what does not need double checking."

"'Her' care," informed Dr. Crusher.

"Her? She is female?" asked Sarkaal.

"She is," confirmed the doctor with a smile.

"She is female," he murmured once while turning it over in his mind. "A daughter." He looked at Kaira. "A daughter," he repeated.

"We're having a girl," she said almost excitedly as she finally began to think of the baby as an actual person.

He turned to leave sickbay but turned back around, looked long and hard at his wife. "Perhaps she will look like you. I would prefer that." He seemed to remember they were not alone and, "Rest here and do not tax yourself," he said. And then he was gone.

Dr. Crusher didn't say it, but she thought _If I didn't know any better I'd swear the Commander loves his wife._ She found herself holding back a smile. "I'll check on you every day and scan to make sure the child is developing properly."

"Thank you, doctor," said Kaira.

"Rest for now. We'll bring you lunch soon and then you can go back to your quarters and relax. I can give you something safe for your system that will keep you from having such severe morning sickness."

"How long do I have to stay on Vulcan?"

"Only until you're in your second trimester—wait, you don't go by trimesters. For a thirteen month pregnancy, that's quamesters for you. So that's 17 weeks and three days by my count and you'll be able to come back here. You're five weeks now… so twelve and a half weeks, perhaps thirteen on Vulcan, then you can come back here and resume your duties."

"Over three months away from Sarkaal." She sighed. "I'm supposed to be a newlywed. This is just miserable." But she was still smiling.


	13. Truth Be ToldPart One

Truth Be Told – Part One

Kaira spent her time on the way to Vulcan in her quarters, as ordered, in bed. Among other things she did to pass the time, she found herself putting in a call to her mother almost every day. The woman insisted that she would leave Earth to go to Vulcan as soon as Kaira arrived there. She knew she would be able to stay for at least a month.

Out of nowhere one day Clara Tenary asked her daughter, "Are you happy, Kaira? Truly happy? I know you've always been able to put on a good face and everything but I need to know if you're really satisfied with your life right now."

Kaira thought about it for only a split second. She thought her ear to ear grin whenever she talked about her husband, baby or career would say it all. "What do you mean, mom?"

Her mother looked conflicted. "I mean I know they look an awful lot like the Beleine, but they're not from there. And now you're adopted into the Home clan and you're married to a Vulcan. Is it enough? Are you satisfied with the way things are going for you? Does your husband do all of those little things women expect from their husbands that probably wouldn't make much sense to a Vulcan to do in the first place?"

She didn't understand what her mother meant. "Mom, why would I marry someone I didn't want to, someone I thought wouldn't make me happy?"

Her mother began to look slightly uncomfortable. "Like I said, you always were good at putting on a happy face. And then…well I hate to bring it up, but there was that _thing_ that happened between you and you-know-who when you were younger. You didn't even tell me about how bad things were with him until things were finished between you two for over a year. It's the only way I found out why you'd sworn off dating."

Kaira smiled and then laughed, knowing exactly what her mother meant. "Oh, mom, I'm so over that now. That was another time and another place. Sarkaal is nothing like that other guy. You wouldn't know it to look at him from the outside, but you know from experience, mom, there's so much that happens within the bond between two married people. Don't worry about me because I _am_ happy."

Seemingly relieved, her mother smiled. "I look forward to finally meeting him in person."

"I'm not looking forward to being without him for so long, that's for sure."

Her mother looked just a little bit worried but didn't say anything else at that time.

####

Later that day Deanna Troi visited as well as Keiko and even Captain Picard put in a brief visit. Bhatt, Jimenez and Chou went by the next day and brought her Jimenez' famous Tres Leche Cake.

The cake (which was delicious), pregnancy hormones, thoughts of her conversation with her mother from the day before and the fact that the Captain himself had come by to see her made a strange combination that fueled her mind and her dreams that night were a bit strange. In particular, there was someone there from her past, the man her mother had referred to. He'd been a longtime friend who turned out to be emotionally unavailable on so many levels. They'd had a relationship, of sorts, and tried to make things work but in the end he'd seemed incapable of loving her; not just herself, either. It was a pattern he admitted to her he had had for years.

She used to find him compellingly attractive. Tall, cool and reasonable, though he was human he'd been almost Vulcan in his control. He was very intelligent and precise in all that he did and said. She used to be crazy about him, even just the look of him. At first, she'd been angry with him when things hadn't worked out. As time moved on, the anger faded and then she felt genuinely sorry for him. Whatever happened to him in his past, if that's what it was that had caused the defect in his nature, it had truly damaged him. Wherever he was at that time, she truly did think of him as a friend with no more anger toward him and she wished him well.

In her dream that night she was walking the halls of Starfleet Command on Earth. Other students were rushing to and fro when she saw him. "Hello, Collin," she said casually, like she'd just seen him the day before.

He turned to look at her and his face was the same as it had been the last time she'd seen him; deep dark hair the color of ink, dark chocolate eyes and a very nicely formed mouth. He answered by saying, "Tenary," as he nodded to her, what he used to call her in their early days of friendship.

In the dream she just smiled and kept on walking with the other cadets. "Later," she called back at him as she walked away.

She awoke the next morning to a brooding husband. "My wife," he said as he brought her a plate of breakfast from the replicator. "You must eat."

Was it just her or was he in a bad mood? "Good morning to you, too," she said. "Are you okay today?"

"I am fine," he nearly snapped. He turned to leave their quarters, but then stopped in his tracks. "I would wish an explanation from you for such illogical behavior, therefore I will not lie to you, wife. I saw the face of another in your mind through our bond last night." He turned to look at her directly. "Who is this man to you?"

She frowned as she sat up and put aside the food he'd brought her. The smell was making her just a little bit nauseated. The only thing stopping her being sick was the drug Dr. Crusher kept in her system that was safe for the baby. In that regard, thank goodness for drugs! "A man?" she asked, not following who he could have meant.

He returned to their bed and sat down next to her. He could feel it through their bond and remarked, "You honestly do not remember."

She thought and thought and then realized, "You mean you picked up an echo off of my dreams?"

"I suppose those may be the words to describe this situation."

It became clear to her that he might be jealous. And not just a little bit jealous, either, she suspected he was terribly jealous. He would never come out and say it, though. "What did he look like?" she asked, wanting to be sure they spoke of the same person. His eyebrow raised and she could tell he couldn't believe she'd asked him that. "Well my dream had lots of people in it," she qualified her question.

He jumped in with, "However, this man had certain- emotions attached to the sight of him. He was tall, though I could not tell his exact size, and his facial features were incredibly symmetrical. His hair was much darker than mine. He wore a Starfleet uniform and carried a PADD-board of a Senior Coordinator though I could not see its content."

"Jeez, you saw all that?" she asked, trying not to smile. "I didn't even realize he was in uniform or carrying a PADD-board in the dream although that _was_ pretty much him...all of the time."

"I assume from that statement you know quite well of whom I speak, wife. You will tell me who this person is this instant." He had a perfectly contained look, but she could tell outrage was threatening to mar his features any second. He was holding on by the edge of a knife.

She held back her laughter as she said, "The one we're speaking of was a former friend that turned into somewhat of a failed relationship. His name is Collin Reynolds and we were so over and done with like _seven years ago._"

"Then perhaps you know how it is he happened to appear in your dream last night?" he asked immediately.

She stood. "Sarkaal, this is ridiculous. Now remember, I'm not supposed to get stressed out, right?"

"Correct," he conceded.

"So remembering that time in my life will undoubtedly stress me out."

He thought of what she'd said for five long seconds. "I will agree with your wisdom on this matter. You do not have to discuss it at this moment."

"Thank you. I appreciate that concession."

As she made her way to go take a shower, he began standing and walked to the door. But he casually tossed out, "You will tell me of this man when you are safely into your second quamester. I shall return to our quarters after I am off duty. Do not do too much today." Then he was gone.

Her mouth dropped open and then since he was gone she finally let herself start laughing.

####

They arrived at Vulcan all too soon. Right before Kaira beamed down, Sarkaal was standing with her in the transporter room waiting for clearance. "My wife, I have been informed that since I made such large strides on my First Contact mission, I shall be able to take an entire month off, perhaps more, if I can clear up my current projects in the Genetics Lab. If I can take the time off, I expect to arrive perhaps shortly before your mother's departure."

She hadn't expected to see him at all for over twelve weeks and swallowed back her tears. The last thing she wanted to do was shed tears at their last meeting together for what would be over two months now, if he took his leave. But she knew how Vulcans were about their work and she highly doubted he would. "Thank you," she said.

He still didn't quite know what to say to 'thank you' so fell back on one of the first lessons she'd taught him in the early stages of their friendship. "You are welcomed."

It was too much. The unexpected pregnancy, worry over that pregnancy and now shadows of remembrance from when the two had first embarked on their friendship that lead to said pregnancy; she quickly looked away from him and felt tears slipping down her face. "Damn hormones," she blamed quietly.

He turned her face back to him and gently wiped her tears away with the tips of his thumbs. "The team is highly skilled. They succeeded in putting together she who is my wife." And he uncharacteristically tweaked her nose since no one else was around.

She began to laugh through her tears as O'Brien entered the transporter room. She looked down, wiped her tears quickly and then forced herself to step away from her husband's side and onto the transporter pad. Quickly gathering her mind to be met by her adoptive family, she forced her hand up in the ta'al and looked into her husband's eyes.

Miles looked a tad uncomfortable to be there, but he found himself mumbling, "Keiko said hurry back so you two can be pregnant together."

Kaira smiled at him and said, "Thanks Miles. Tell Keiko I'll hurry back."

The transporter chief then looked away from her and said, "She was crying too much about your leaving though she'll never admit that was why she was crying. She blamed the damn hormones."

Kaira laughed at the irony and then looked over at her husband again. Her expression grew serious. "Soon," was all she said to him and then looked at O'Brien. "Energize, Miles."

"Energizing," he said.

"Yes, soon," said the deep shadowy tones of Sarkaal's response as she was beamed away from him.

####

As she beamed down, she was surprised to be met by her adoptive family just outside their home. And not only was Thev'elin, her brothers and her two sisters-in-law there, so was Thanek, Sarkaal's father. Her eyes automatically went to T'Mey, her sister-in-law, and saw her very large stomach. The woman was obviously full-term at 13 months. _She's ready to burst any day now. Is that going to be me? I don't know if I'm ready for this..._

"My daughter," Thev'elin said as he stepped forward to greet her. "You bring tidings of a new child to our home and for that we are grateful."

Thanek also stepped forward. "My wife has asked me to give you word, if anything is needed, herself or T'Maar will be at your disposal."

"Do not let her stand out here for long. She is not to be stressed," said Stekel from the back of the crowd. Stekel. One thing she realized about her adoptive eldest brother, he was overly protective of the women in the family. That was not logical in the least! She would never tell him that, though.

She was promptly brought indoors and then after a short time forced herself to call the Vulcan Academy Hospital to check in with them. She had an appointment that very evening with the genetics team.

There were ten of them. It was strange, but eight of them were responsible for her birth. There were seven Vulcans, two humans and a Betazoid.

One of the humans, Dr. Trask, was in his 80s and had done some of the preliminary work on her genetic code. He kept smiling and was overly watchful toward her as they talked. _I think I'll have a talk with Data when I get back to the Enterprise. This must have been the way Dr. Soong looked at him when he awakened into existence and started talking. He probably couldn't believe his eyes and just couldn't stop staring at his new son._ She'd never given too much thought to the fact that she'd had a team of people work on putting her together so her parents could have a baby, but now here she was ensuring that her child did not suffer any damages from being born to a hybrid mother.

Upon their scan of her the baby only needed one adjustment. It was remarked that by this point in the pregnancy, 6-8 weeks, her mother had needed nearly 80 adjustments on her embryo. But since this child was only a quarter human, much less adjustments were needed. It was speculated that any children this child had would need no adjustments at all…so long as she married a Vulcan.

They placed a transdermal monitor just under Kaira's ribcage to keep track of the child's development. She couldn't see it or feel it, but knew it was there. She was instructed that if the child needed another adjustment they would know immediately and for her not to be surprised if one of them showed up on her doorstep at anytime during the day or night to scan and then possibly collect her and bring her to the hospital.

Kaira spent the rest of her week getting her room lived-in looking. She also made certain to go by Sarkaal's family home as soon as possible and visit with his parents and T'Maar. While she was there they indicated that they would like to bring her to the other home owned by Thanek that was being held, in trust, for Sarkaal whenever he decided to retire from Starfleet. She agreed it would be nice to visit it once her mother got there.

Her mother arrived, true to her word, about a week after she got to Vulcan. Thev'elin's entire family showed up to see her. "It has been many years, Lady Tenary," he greeted her. Though her name was Clara, everyone always called her 'Lady Tenary' on Vulcan. It took Kaira about a week but she remembered the exact reason she'd left home so soon. Her mother was more than a little bit overbearing!

She'd had one additional adjustment to her baby since that last one and they agreed she was doing well enough to return to duty, but there on Vulcan. Kaira jumped at the chance and did six hours a day as Starfleet Personnel at the on-ground section of the Vulcan Space Port. She found it ironic that it was less stressful for her to be on duty than to be in the company of her own mother.

####

One night Kaira was in a deep sleep and heard a knock on her door. "Who is it?" she asked groggily.

"It is Stekel," he announced. "May I enter?"

Was it just her imagination or did he sound a little bit 'off'? "Yes," she said.

He came in and announced, "T'Mey is in active labor and her contractions are strong enough now that we must leave for the hospital."

She almost sat up rather quickly, but he put his hand out and requested, "Do not, not yet, little sister. You must keep your own child safe. Sleep well first and then you may come and meet us there. We do not expect the labor to be quick since it is her first child."

"Are you certain?" she asked him.

For the first time since she'd met him, he looked unsure. "I am uncertain of everything at this moment. We wished to birth in the traditional way, but T'Mey has a congenital defect of the uterus preventing that, hence the hospital birth." And he still had that shadowed look upon his face.

Never was the feeling stronger for her to touch someone to reassure them. She said the only thing she could think of at that time. "It will all become clear for you. And T'Mey is a very strong woman."

"Yes, she is," he said as if he were seizing on those words and drawing strength from them. "Tomorrow then, T'Kaira."

It was difficult for Kaira to sleep at that point, her excitement level having been so spiked. But she did fall back to sleep after about an hour. She awoke the next morning and informed her mother she was going to stop by the hospital on her way to her duty station to see how T'Mey was doing.

"I think that's too much you're doing for such a difficult pregnancy." Kaira turned so her mother couldn't see her face and just rolled her eyes. "And don't roll your eyes at me, young lady!" her mother chastised from behind her back.

"It's only proper that I go, mom, and it's on my way to work anyway so it's not a big deal. It doesn't take me out of my way and I have enough time to make it there, dawdle, and still be on time for duty. And there's the fact that _I really want to go_ and see if I can catch the birth. I want to know what I'm in for."

"Well aren't you tired or something?" she asked, exasperated with her busy child.

"No. Vulcan, Rigellian and Beleine women typically get tired in the last quamester, remember? Then again I think any pregnancy that goes beyond 10 months is bound to make you exhausted."

"Well you should be careful," she said as she continued chopping onions. "And don't forget, you're half human. That fatigue can kick in at anytime."

It was funny to Kaira how her mother had entrenched herself in Thev'elin's kitchen. She did a lot of cooking and since she knew no one there would eat meat she didn't bring it into the house. Since no one else used the kitchen for any major cooking, her culinary pieces were a welcome addition to the home. Kaira just stopped short of telling her mother she should take Thev'elin up on his offer for her to join their clan. It would probably do the woman some good to cook for someone else.

She stopped by the hospital that morning less than twenty minutes before her new nephew made his way into the world.

Stekel clamped down hard on his emotions and simply stood there, staring at the new baby screaming loudly on his wife's chest. T'Mey's face betrayed nothing, but her hands continually stroked the infant's skin and hair as her eyes watched his every squirming move.

The child was the perfect size, with a perfect scream and with perfectly pointed ears. Kaira only just realized that her eyes were beginning to water and she excused herself from the room before her emotions got the better of her. She quickly made her way to a bathroom and locked herself into a privacy stall and took many deep breaths. The hormones from her own pregnancy made it difficult _not_ to cry. It was getting worse as time went on. She was able to control her emotions less and less. Maybe she would talk to the Healer about it the next time she saw him or better yet she would speak with Thev'elin, maybe even Sarkaal's mother, on how to handle this. But that thought caused a chain reaction of worried thoughts.

Maybe they handled the increased emotions with ease since they were used to being this way since childhood. Maybe they would look at her as if she were strange and in their own way find it offensive of her to ask. She just wasn't sure what to do here sometimes. What if her every word, action and movement was an offense and she had no idea? It seemed like the floor was slipping out from beneath her and she couldn't catch up with it. Anxiety was on her shoulders fast and she couldn't shake it.

_T'Kaira…Adun'a, all is well?_

It was Sarkaal, contacting her through the bond. He must have sensed an overload of emotion coming from her. Her feeling of embarrassment doubled and she tried to pretend she was fine. _All is well. We have a nephew and he is perfect. He is healthy and beautiful._

_ T'Mey has delivered?_

_ She has._

_ Our sister-in-law is well?_

_ She is well._

_ Give Stekel my greetings and tell him 'I rejoice with thee on the birth of thy son'._

_ I will, my love._

_ And how is our daughter?_

_ So far, she is well._ Just then, worry for her baby overwhelmed her and she found herself doing the last thing she ever wanted to do; crying in the bathroom stall.

_Kaira? Kaira? Is all truly well? I can feel your distress._

_ I'm worried…I'm so worried about her, Sarkaal. What if I lose her? What if she dies? What will I do then?_

_ You must calm down, for her sake. You must not worry._

Kaira took several deep breaths and forced herself to calm down. She also felt an infusion of strength and stabilizing control through the bond coming from him. _I am calm again…I miss you._

_ And you, T'Kaira. Soon. I promise, the time will pass quickly and you will see me soon._

That afternoon at work, one of the geneticists showed up at the space port, tri-corder in hand. Kaira saw him and did a double take. He was being barred from entering the section and she had to quickly walk over to clear his entrance. "It's all right," she told the diligent security guard. It was Healer Vekron. "Come to the employee's lounge, Healer."

He followed behind and walked into the lounge with her. He scanned her quickly and said. "You must accompany me to the hospital this instant. Apparently three adjustments are needed."

"Three!" she said. The shock on her face spotlighted the fact that the baby had turned everything on its ear for her control-wise.

Healer Vekron did not anticipate her reacting so strongly. "Has the pregnancy caused you to experience overwhelming emotions that are difficult to control?" he enquired.

"Actually, yes, it has," she admitted.

"If you would like, after your adjustments are made we can refer you to a Master so that you may gain greater mastery over them."

She nodded his suggestion away and for some reason she was aggravated by his bringing it up even though she'd thought of mentioning it to him just earlier that day. "I appreciate your offer. But I will speak with my father about this first."

"That is also proper," he acknowledged. "And now we must depart for the hospital."

"I just came from there," she murmured as she went to grab her things.

After being at the hospital the rest of the day and almost all night, Kaira was exhausted. Thev'elin found out from one of the team members she was there and drove to pick her up when she was released. "How is your being, daughter of my house?" he asked on their way home.

"I'm…I'm exhausted now. And I- I'm worried," she admitted, not wanting to keep from him what she was feeling. She knew he would probably not prefer to hear about her emotions, but she couldn't hold it in any longer. She needed the ear of someone who would listen to her, not judge her and at the same time not try to influence her to their way of thinking or she was going to explode. That person, she suspected, was definitely him. And he had told her when she'd joined his house he did not expect Vulcan standards from her. "I was so emotional today it tripped the bond and Sarkaal enquired after my well-being. I didn't want to have that happen. I didn't want to interrupt his day that way."

"I am certain he did not see it as an interruption," he assured her. "Any contact through the bond is usually a pleasant thing for a spouse. And it is expected that some degree of worry will follow this pregnancy. You have hormones working in your system now that will cause it to become harder to control that which is difficult to control as it is. I will remind you that T'Mey became quite animated at times from the hormones in her system during her pregnancy."

She remembered the horrified look on her sister-in-law's face at the mention of one of Sowlon's sons marrying Kaira. T'Mey had been newly pregnant then and almost uncaring of what anyone thought of her reactions to things. It must have been a given on Vulcan. Pregnant women had a lot to deal with and weren't expected to clamp down so hard on their emotions. It was a little bit of a comfort to her. But she knew she was going to have to try harder while she was there. She didn't want to shame Thev'elin's house. "I wish Sarkaal were here."

"It is not logical to wish for that which we do not have. However, it is quite understandable under the circumstances for you to want the father of your child near," he said as he parked in front of the family home. "If it helps your thought processes in a figurative sense, why do you not go over to his family's home tomorrow and see his room, see his things? Perhaps it will produce a sense of closeness between the two of you while he is so far away."

She looked at him, surprised at the suggestion. The thought of doing something like that made her happy and sad simultaneously. And she couldn't help but smile. "I'd never have thought to do a thing like that," she said. Where did such a controlled man get such a romantic notion? "Thank you. If it gets to be too much I'll call and see if it's all right for me to do so."

He nodded and then looked hesitant. "If there is anything that is needed you are aware that I am available to you at anytime?"

She found herself fighting back tears. "You're a really good father, do you know that?"

Thev'elin looked at her, taken aback by the unexpected complement. "It is an honor to hear that from one such as you. I did not know if I was capable of fulfilling your needs when I took you into my House."

"I can honestly say being a member of your house has exceeded my expectations on so many levels."

He seemed to bite his lower lip in contemplation before he spoke again. "I will admit I was wary of attempting to fill your father's shoes. I know now that is not possible. But I only ever wish to be of help to you. It is important to me that you are aware of that. Do not ever think you cannot approach me about a single thing no matter how logical it may or may not be. Is that clear, T'Kaira?"

She looked away from him as she felt emotion rising in her chest. For such a master of logic this man was pushing all the right buttons to make her cry like a little girl. "I love you, father," she found herself saying as her tear-filled eyes looked into his.

"You are cherished, sole daughter of my house," he whispered, his eyes clouded over with…something. The last vestige of her mentally keeping him at arms length was demolished as she held out her hand to him and he clasped it within his own. "Come inside and take nourishment. They cannot have fed you properly at the hospital. I find hospital food, no matter the planet, is quite inadequate."


	14. Truth Be ToldPart Two

Truth Be Told – Part Two

Weeks passed. Tensions stretched between herself and her mother and communication shut down. Toward the middle of her stay, they finally had words. It was not pretty, either. Clara didn't understand why her daughter behaved differently in public than she did behind closed doors. "I don't understand why can't you be yourself all of the time? Why are you showing the world two different people?"

"Not everyone, mom, just here on Vulcan when I go out. I don't want to shame Thev'elin's house. There's more at stake than you realize," she said as she thought of the situation with the House of Sowlon. It had come to her attention by a reliable source that she was being watched closely by them.

Since she'd attained the title that was due her as a daughter of the clan, the rival house was planning on challenging the seat held on the council by her adopted clan. But if they had nothing to base their claim on, they could not challenge. 'Sour grapes' was not the words she thought of for them. They were overly bitter because their prey had gotten away. They either wanted her to join their clan and so win the seat by showing the current council they'd 'changed' or have her marry one of their sons and perhaps their child by her and their son would make them eligible to hold the seat. But neither thing had happened and now they were just looking for something to be wrong so they could take it that way.

So while in public Kaira found herself using everything she was learning from her study of Surak's Tenets so that her clan did not lose their seat on the council. She did not have to stay on Vulcan forever, so she didn't see it as an inconvenience to have to control her emotions so stringently in the meantime. She shuddered to think of the way she would have been treated in the House of Sowlon by the Clan of Aremev. But she knew to share all of this with her mother would simply make the woman even angrier. Instead of listening, she would shoot down everything she had to say. She'd learned from the past, it was a mistake to take her mother into any confidence. It saddened her, but she knew she just couldn't do it.

"You shouldn't have to be someone else," her mother argued. "What about that girl that used to laugh and chatter and even sometimes gossip? Where is she? Where has she gone?"

"Are you forgetting that I'm under a lot of stress right now? The last thing I'm supposed to be is stressed out. My baby's life is in danger. I thought you understood what that was like! I have no reason to smile at this time, not right now."

"I don't believe that's the reason," she said. "I think you're trying to impress a bunch of people you hardly know."

Kaira had had it. "I don't care what you believe or don't believe. I'm not the person I was when I left home all those years ago. I have a _right_ to be introverted from time to time, to think my thoughts, to be serious and give things careful consideration. I do not _have_ to be who you or anyone else thinks I'm supposed to be."

"But you would willingly be who Thev'elin or your husband or your brand new clan thinks you should be!"

"Mom! Thev'elin has never asked me to follow Surak, not once! And neither has my husband! If I study Surak and follow his words and ways it's because I want to. Because it helps me keep from becoming too emotional! I'm not supposed to _be_ emotional right now, for the baby's sake, I'm supposed to be careful and you're not helping that right now!"

"Oh so now your misery is _my_ fault? You've _always_ tried to make me feel so guilty!"

"What?" she asked. "What are you talking about?"

"I didn't do enough for you after your father died. I know that. I was so stuck in my own grief you ran off to school and then ran into Starfleet. I barely saw you after that. And now you'll make me pay forever for being too grief stricken to talk to you!"

"You barely saw me after I left because I went to school and then after I graduated I was an _adult_ and I joined Starfleet and Starfleet keeps those who join on duty in space. Mom, don't you understand what I accomplished? I was eventually assigned to the _Enterprise_, the _**Enterprise**_! That's the flagship of the Federation. Aren't you proud of that? Do you know what I had to do to get that assignment, how hard I had to work? How many people were passed over in favor of me? And when have I ever said to you I was angry with you and trying to make you guilty? You were in grief for daddy, but so was I. What could I possibly have to be angry with you about? We were both hurting and we knew that, I thought you understood that _I_ understood."

"And then you went off and married a man that probably can't even support you emotionally and you didn't even talk to me about it first! I could have told you you were making the biggest mistake of your life if you'd only spoken to me before having your mind bonded to his!"

It was then that Kaira grew cold on the inside. "Don't you say a thing about my husband again, do you hear me?" she whispered.

"Or else what? What are you going to do?" her mother challenged.

Kaira got up, opened the door to her little apartment and went to leave. She found Thev'elin, standing there, about to knock. "Father, I have to leave _right now_," she said and then walked past him quickly.

"Go on and run, just like you always have!" her mother shouted at her retreating back.

Thev'elin stood there for a minute and ensured that he no longer heard Kaira's footsteps. He heard the door to the house open and then close. He thought it was safe to assume she was outside now. He then looked at Clara's troubled face. "For what reason are you attempting to cause our mutual child to lose our grandchild?" he asked softly.

Lady Tenary's face fell and tears were in her eyes. "Oh my goodness. I'm such an awful person."

"That you may or may not be, but that statement does not help the situation. Your level of anger at T'Kaira is not at all justified. I do not understand what it is she has done to earn your wrath. And since we are both invested in her well-being, perhaps you will also explain to me the reason for raised voices in my home. You have shattered a peace that has remained even after my adoption of Kaira. It is imperative that peace remain for my new grandson that is newly born and for her while she carries our granddaughter."

Clara sat down on a chair hard. "My daughter…I'm not sure of anything about her right now, this person she's become. This man, this Sarkaal, I've only ever seen him on a view screen. Does he treat her well? Does he truly care for her? Is she hung up on him because he's emotionally unavailable like that other person she was mooning over all those years ago?"

"Why have you not spoken to your daughter about these things, previously?" he asked.

"Anytime I try to ask her questions about him, she goes quiet and gets this far off look on her face and refuses to answer any questions."

"I am certain you understand that the marriage bond is a complicated and very private thing. Yourself and Kaira's father were mentally bonded, yes?"

She nodded, almost silent. "In the way of his people, yes."

"She is under a great deal of stress and she is trying her best to control her emotions. A rival house has a plot against us and it all lies on her shoulders until she is off-planet. Anything that is construed as weakness will be used against her and in turn, us. We would be challenged and most likely stripped of our seat on the council."

Clara nodded angrily. "It's like being on Beleine all over again, then; having to hide her feelings, being duplicitous. I don't like any of this!"

"It is what your daughter has chosen for herself," he answered simply. "We must all choose our own path. As for Sarkaal, it is customary for a house to present a bride to a son, but he picked her and asked his parents to ask for her to become his wife on his behalf. If there is no other thought in your mind regarding our mutual son-in-law, remember this: _He_ chose _her_. I did not choose him, though I would have. His parents did not choose her. He chose her. It should indicate to you the depth of things between the two."

Almost as if she didn't hear what he'd said, she went on. "My daughter just went ahead and did whatever she wanted throughout this whole situation, she didn't even think of what this meant for _me_. She thinks she can substitute one home for another. Well you can't! She should be on Earth, the only other home she's ever known, not here!"

Thev'elin grew quiet for a moment. Then he went and sat opposite Lady Tenary. "T'Kaira was offered a place in my home. It took her six months to decide she would join the original clan which gave birth to hers. Six months. And do you know what the deciding factor for her was?"

Clara nodded. "I don't know what she's thinking these days."

"You. She would only join if her mother would be taken in, as well."

She sat there not saying a word for a minute. And then, "I didn't know that," slowly came out of her mouth.

"Did you know T'Kaira can never return to Beleine until she denounces her father's name to her Abukan?"

"What?" asked Clara. "When did she-"

"I am not supposed to know this, but Sarkaal felt it was important that I know. She can never go home. Vulcan is a pale shadow of home for her, but it is hers now, fully. Months after her father was killed the Abukan called and told her she could never return until she denounced him. When she did so she was to become a concubine in his home."

She stood, horrified, and began to pace and rub both her arms as if she were cold. "That's disgusting! She was still just a child then."

"Kaira has much to deal with. As for Sarkaal, the two of them are well matched. They were friends for quite sometime."

Clara didn't say anything else. She wondered when her daughter would return. She didn't know whether she should speak to her or not. Maybe, she figured, it would be better if she just left her alone for a little while first. Their conversations, lately, had been edged with tension. And this last one had been volatile. What was happening to her daughter, really?

####

Kaira didn't want to return to the place her mother happened to be. She kept driving and found herself at Sarkaal's family home. T'Maar answered the door and seemed quite gratified to see her. "We have been looking forward to your next visit. Please, enter."

She did so. After observing protocol and accepting a refreshment (which she realized she badly needed after all), she was also pressed into eating something. She was suddenly very hungry. "I don't know what it is but I feel like I could eat two plates of food," she remarked with wonder.

"Is the baby making great demands on your system?"

"No, not now anyway. But I suddenly just want to eat everything I think of."

T'Maar got up and made her a real plate of food instead of the mundane finger foods put before guests. She bid her to, "Come to the table and please partake a full meal. I will feed you and my niece now."

She smiled. "Thank you. How are things going for you?"

"Classes are going quite well. My betrothed has been sent to the other side of Vulcan on an assignment. We will not see one another again for nearly six months. I will be able to devote my full attention to my studies."

Kaira found tears welling up in her eyes and found herself sniffling. "That's so sad. Oh no, I'm so sorry! I don't know why I-"

"I have heard that pregnancy makes you more emotional. Is that true?" asked T'Maar almost casually, as if she didn't notice her sister-in-law was fighting back tears.

"Oh, it's very true."

"That must be quite uncomfortable."

"And inconvenient," she laughed as she continued to eat. Afterward she asked, "Can I go and see Sarkaal's room?"

T'Maar nodded. "Of course you may."

She was brought to his doorway and left alone. Kaira walked inside. The walls were painted a shade of brown that looked like wet sand. But on his wall was art work he'd done obviously in his youth. In her opinion, it was very good; charcoal drawings of the desert, some in paint. She saw the organized disarray of his books and some scrolls, memory disks in a corner on a shelf. His room was altogether neat, well organized and somehow him. He had an area rug of brown with silver-thread accents. She walked to his closet, opened it and looked at the clothes inside. Desert robes, most of them. She couldn't believe herself as she pulled one of the robes forward and smelled it. It was him. She held it to her face closer and inhaled deeply. It was almost as if he were standing there before her in those robes and tears stung her eyes. She missed him so much.

She found herself sitting in his large closet, surrounded by his things. If she believed it hard enough, she could almost expect him to come through the door any minute even though he was so far away.

####

Sarkaal was working on the _Enterprise_. It had become a solitary time for him since Kaira left. He hardly spoke to anyone. Though no one came out and said it they could tell he missed his wife. Deanna and Data paid him a visit and so had Miles O'Brien, but they could tell he wasn't himself. He did his duty, arrived for his shifts on time, even ate on a daily basis (Doctors Selar and Crusher checked on his replicator records to be certain). But he seemed to be waiting for something to happen.

At his station in the lab that day, he felt a dark mood descend. It was one of grief and intense depression. It was not from within himself but- Kaira! _T'Hy'La, what has happened?_ He sent along the bond, instantly.

_I am in the hospital, my love._

_The baby-!_ He immediately thought.

_The baby is fine now. I am stable. Thev'elin has gone to call you, but I wished for you to know ahead of time before he had a chance to speak with you. I didn't want you to worry too much when you saw who was calling._

_What has happened?_

He could feel a pause through the bond as if she were hiding thoughts from him. _The pregnancy has made me very emotional, more than usual, that's all. I am well now._

But he sensed she was not at all well. _You are not speaking truthfully with me, my wife. You know that is unacceptable to me._

_I am tired. I must rest now._

_Do so. I shall speak with thee later…_

Sarkaal received a message from Thev'elin to call him as soon as possible. He made his way to his quarters ahead of time and did so. He knew it was something not good since not only was Thev'elin but also Thanek, his father, was on the connection. They were at the hospital. It caused the parental side of him to worry deeply. However, they confirmed what his wife had already told him through their bond, all was well again. She had nearly lost their baby, but the team of geneticists were able to get to her in time to save their daughter.

He went to sleep that night and searched for his wife's mind. He was in a dream on a stormy landscape and he couldn't find her. A sandstorm was there, between them. He sensed she was on the other side of the storm, but no matter what he did he could not reach her. Every way he turned, the storm moved and kept her hidden from his sight, even from his mind. He was obstructed in every way.

For the first time in years he awoke in a near state of panic, his hearts hammering, causing his breath to quicken. He looked over at the empty space beside him and tried to slow his breathing. She needed him. He didn't understand why she did not tell him, but he could only guess perhaps she was trying to be strong and not trouble him. But she needed him and he was not there with her.

Though it was the middle of the night he stood up from their bed quickly and began to pack. He put in his vacation request as soon as he was done packing and then he went to the lab to finish up two hours worth of work. By the time the day shift came on, he was approved for departure and on a shuttlecraft headed for Deep Space 9.

####

Kaira was newly home from the hospital and ordered to stay in bed for the rest of the week. She was discharged from duty until her uterus stabilized. She'd fallen asleep in Sarkaal's closet that day, comforted amongst his things. Next thing she knew she was being awakened by being lifted by Thanek, Sarkaal's father. She saw true worry on his face.

"All will be well," he kept saying to her, over and over. But she could tell from the strained look on his face he did not believe that.

She felt a small gush of fluid from her birth canal and knew what was happening. She was losing her baby. She couldn't speak. She only lay back and gave herself up to the oblivion of a black mental void. Once she arrived at the hospital, the team was working quickly on her. It was not a defect with the child, this time, her body had simply stopped producing a vital hormone to continue the pregnancy. It was not uncommon in human women carrying Vulcan children. It had happened once to her mother, as a matter of fact. Since her mother had a template of other human women that that had happened with, it was anticipated. But since she was mostly Vulcanoid in physiology they had not anticipated anything like this going wrong. But it had. Her hybrid nature asserted itself at the most unexpected time.

At first the team members, working frantically, didn't know what was happening. It would take too long to take and wait for tests to return, so the human doctor, Dr. Trask, went out on a limb and followed a hunch. He grabbed a hypo spray full of the hormone and injected her. Her premature labor stopped in its tracks. Tests were performed then and it was discovered her body had stopped making the hormone. The shot given her by Dr. Trask jump-started the production of it again in her brain. But most importantly to her, the baby was fine, alive and thriving.

At only 11 weeks along the child would not have survived, she knew that. It was too close to comfort for her. Through it all she leaned on her bond with Sarkaal to suppress the showing of emotion. So much depended on her for Clan T'Nary'Orlon! The strain was too much for her overwhelmed mind. She simply lay in her hospital bed on her side for the two days afterward, curled up in a ball, her arms protectively wrapped around her midsection and said next to nothing. Both her mother and Thev'elin were very concerned. She seemed to have shut down completely. She didn't want to talk to anyone, not even to them.

Her mother, as usual, took it with intense anger. "Why does she have to be so mad at _me_?"

"Clara, this is not about you, this is about Kaira's child. The baby's life is in danger and she is not taking it well," said her adopted father. "We must give her time to accept what almost happened and adequate distance to come around on her own."

She became huffy with Thev'elin. "I know you're older than me but you don't have to talk down to me."

Thev'elin reflected that Lady Clara could try the patience of an Earth Saint or a Vulcan disciple of Gol. He took a deep breath and said, "Give her the week until her uterus has stabilized. Only then will she feel her child is out of danger. She will likely return to herself then."

"I'll give her a week all right," she said angrily. But she kept her mouth shut after that.

Three days after getting home from the hospital, Thev'elin and Clara were sitting in his kitchen. It had been five days and Kaira was still keeping to herself.

"I bet she blames me," said her mother sadly, for once not angry. "I suppose it could be my fault."

"But the same thing happened to you when you were pregnant with Kaira. Did you have an emotional catalyst?"

"No, it was just random. One day I was fine, the next I woke up in premature labor."

He opened his mouth to respond and then heard a knock on his door. Stekel beat him to it and answered the door. "Sarkaal!" exclaimed his son, almost surprised.

And in walked their son-in-law, trying to mask his worry, unshaven, eyes looking tired as if he hadn't slept in days. "The baby?"

"She's still fine," said Thev'elin. "Kaira is resting in bed."

He saw Kaira's mother just then and bowed his head to her. "We meet in person at last, mother," he said to the woman who was the spitting image of his wife, just older and full human.

She was charmed out of her socks. For one thing he was much better looking in person and his height was impressively intimidating. He had eyes that could certainly be called 'piercing'. They were serious and deep. She saw what it was that had sucked Kaira in. And he'd called her 'mother' without hesitation. She hadn't wanted to like him so quickly. Damn! "Nice to finally see you up close, son," she said with a smile.

"I must see Kaira now," he said to them both and then excused himself.

Thev'elin saw Clara Tenary follow.

Lady Tenary followed behind, but not close enough for Sarkaal to notice. He was too distracted by the thought of finally getting to his wife's side. He opened the door to her room and saw T'Mey there with her infant son. He was at her breast as the two women talked.

"He is quite impatient to nurse when he first awakens," the new mother was observing to Kaira.

"I beg pardon," he said as both women looked over at him. They both seemed equally shocked but for different reasons.

"Brother, I am certain my sister is gratified to see thee. I will depart now," said T'Mey as she stood, her son still at her breast, and she went on her way.

Lady Tenary watched at the door as Stekel's wife passed her by and left the room. If this Sarkaal simply stood across the room while he spoke to Kaira, she wouldn't like him. And if he was cold toward her daughter, she wouldn't like him. She tried to tell herself that he was there for the baby's sake, nothing more, just so she wouldn't like him. He _couldn't_ be there for her daughter because she honestly didn't want to like him.

Sarkaal took his time reaching Kaira's side, but there was urgency in his eyes. "Kaira," was all he said as he held out both of his fingers to her.

She sat up, still in shock as she extended her two fingers to his. "I thought I was dreaming," she nearly whispered. "You're here early. What are you doing here?"

He never answered. Instead he took his fingers from hers and used his hands to put them to her face at the correct psi points and proceeded to check her from the inside, out. He was reassured by what he saw, physically. She was better. But she was trying to hold herself together, mentally. And apart of her was… _angry with him_? His hands abruptly dropped from her face. "_Adun'a_?" He sounded almost panicked.

She looked away and then back at him. "Well no one told you to touch my mind so quickly. You should have warned me. You didn't give me any time to shield-"

"Do not ever shield these things from _me_," he said, the shadow of outrage in his voice.

"My anger at you is not logical," she defended. "I know that. _Because_ I know that it is uncalled for I'm able to handle it better. And because I know it isn't fair I have the right to keep you from it."

He sat down at her side and held her hands in his own. "You have still not explained adequately, why would you shield such a thing?" he asked, his eyes holding hers in earnest.

"I knew who I was marrying. To expect you to behave any other way wouldn't be-" she floundered as she looked for the right word, "—logical," she finished. Kaira laughed lightly and looked away from him.

He could see the strain of the past few weeks there in her body language. He could also tell she'd most likely stopped talking to everyone around her, trying to keep herself together.

"And what did you wish for me to behave as?"

She didn't want to have this conversation, not right now. It hurt too much. "If I can't handle being away from you for a few weeks, how am I going to handle being away from you for big stretches of time? That's not your fault. I know you're used to doing things that way…" She sniffled. "I can adjust to a lot of things and this is just one more thing I'll adjust to. Military families have been doing this for thousands of years. That's why I didn't want you to read that in my mind. I haven't had enough time to adjust to the thought yet, that's all. I wasn't ready for you to see that."

He thought of all those years he and his first wife had spent apart and how he'd almost continued that legacy with this wife. Her Starfleet career would be over before the baby arrived, her five-year mission on the _Enterprise_ was on the edge of finished. He knew she had already decided years ago that her second stint on a starship would signal the end of her Starfleet career until a much later time. After she was done, he still had a year of his own left in Starfleet. He hadn't really considered what that meant for them. When he took out his intentions and examined them he realized he was perfectly content to allow his wife to leave his side, again, after their child was born and settle…wherever.

When he was done in Starfleet, he could return to Vulcan, take a seat at the Vulcan Academy Hospital as a geneticist or any other world that needed him, help species across the galaxy have children together who ordinarily would not have been able and neglect the one growing inside her by only seeing her who knew how often. And Kaira knew that. She was trying to handle it. Vulcans had been doing such things for centuries, it didn't seem to matter. It was not logical to 'miss' someone. What difference would ones presence make to a child whom would receive the same education and instruction no matter which relative it lived with?

He looked at his wife and saw, there was a flaw in that system. At least when it came to this woman, it was a flaw. She didn't come from his society and would not automatically see things the way that they did. She may have looked like a Vulcan but she was not one. He had taken that for granted as much as the time she'd become angry with him expecting a Beleine standard from her Vulcan husband. And yet she was still trying to accustom herself to it though it was not her way. He appreciated who she was more in that moment than any moment previous to that day.

He knew of only one way to heal the slight rift between them. "My T'Kaira, I…I did not function efficiently without your presence," he admitted.

"I know the feeling," she said with a slight smile.

It was not the Vulcan way to apologize but- "I was not here when I was needed. Can you forgive that transgression?"

She found herself tearing up. It was not what she'd expected to hear from him. She'd expected him to tell her of all the outrageous things that had occurred on the _Enterprise_ without her being there; or maybe how well his work had advanced without her presence to distract him; or maybe even how efficiently he was able to keep their quarters clean without her uniform on the floor while she was in the shower or her socks on top of their unmade bed. "There is nothing to forgive," she said truthfully. It was not easy to get time off in Starfleet. These circumstances were a surprise to them both and they'd been woefully unprepared.

"Then I make a request of you now."

She looked up at him. "Request?"

He was still holding her hands in his. "Do not leave the _Enterprise_ once the baby is born. I know you will no longer be on duty, but I shall be for another year. Perhaps we can take family quarters and raise her there her first year. Afterward, we can return here, to Vulcan. We can stay with my family or yours, here the House of Thev'elin. If you wish to we may claim my desert home and I can have a house of my own. Your mother can come and live with us if you so desire."

"And my twin cousins from Beleine who've been having a hard time there," she said out of nowhere.

"Your twin cousins?"

"A girl and a boy. They're sixteen and itching to leave. My father…he did something scandalous. He left The Tenets of Discipline there before he died and his brother got his hands on it. They've raised the children with the concept of logic and they are eager to see Vulcan and live here."

He was taken aback. "How many people on your planet are studying Surak in secret?"

She thought long and hard. "Well it's been nearly fifteen years since I was there and I get messages in and out from time to time." She smiled up at him. "I have my methods." She thought some more. "It's spanning a secret network between 5 families."

"Five families," he remarked, bordering on actual surprise.

"Well not everyone in the families, but enough people from each family." She thought of each clan on her world and how many were studying Surak. "When I left, it was around thirty-seven people. Now, according to what the twins tell me, I estimate it's nearly 150."

He looked dumbfounded. There was a movement on Vulcan for the Reunification of Romulans, he knew. Was it happening on Beleine, as well? Time would tell. "Have you done anything, yourself, to further this movement?" he asked, suspecting she had.

She shrugged almost coyly. "I might have left a book or two of Vulcan philosophy which expounds on Surak's writings, nothing more. Right after my father's funeral, before I left Beleine, I just handed them over to my uncle. I figured he'd want something that used to belong to my father so I, you know, gave them to him as a memento of his brother."

He returned their conversation to where it had been. "You may have whomever you wish of your relatives to stay with us. However, warn your twin cousins, it is not easy for those who stumble upon the teachings of Surak to master them. If they truly wish to blend in with Vulcan society it will take a deep, concentrated effort that will require them to use not only their intelligence and reasoning minds, but their telepathic abilities."

She nodded, satisfied. So the two would stay together physically! She hadn't expected that. Leaning her head forward onto his chest and inhaling him, Kaira whispered, "I'm so happy to see you, again."

He didn't answer verbally, but simply moved closer and put his arms around her, his hand snaking up her back and gently rubbing the tense muscles of her neck. Pressing her closer to him, he was finally able to breathe easier. He should never have allowed her to come here without him under these circumstances. He would not make the same error in judgment again.

Clara sighed, almost defeated. Well she couldn't dislike him now, he apparently was a stand-up man where her daughter was concerned. But her mind kept returning to that incident in the past that hurt her daughter so deeply. At least this man wasn't like that other one. If he had been, she wouldn't have been able to blame him. He was, after all, a Vulcan. But that other guy, she didn't know what his problem had been. Whatever it was, thank goodness he was far away from her daughter and she'd found someone able to truly care for her.


	15. Home Again

Home Again

Once she fully stabilized, Kaira was allowed to get out of bed again and return to modified duty. A few more weeks went by and she passed into the Vulcan stage of 'second quamester'. Once she hit 18 and one half weeks she was allowed to return to the_ Enterprise_ along with her husband.

Sarkaal became terribly protective of his wife after her hospitalization incident. He would drive her to her duty station and pick her up from it when she was done every day. At home he personally served her her meals no matter how much she assured him she was capable of serving herself. One time she woke up in the middle of the night to catch him checking her hormone levels with his at-home medical tri-corder kit. She knew it was futile to assure him she was feeling all right so she left him to his form of assuring himself she was fine and simply turned over and went back to sleep.

When she returned to the _Enterprise_ she was examined by both Dr. Crusher and Dr. Selar and certified fit to return to duty. Her hormones, the child and her uterus were all operating correctly. She was just glad to be back to business as usual. But Sarkaal couldn't shake the deep-seated instinct that his wife and baby were still in some kind of danger. He left her in their quarters the day before she returned to active duty and went to the Records Department of the _Enterprise_. He had only one reason to stop by there.

####

As soon as he entered, he saw a few of the familiar faces of the workmates of his wife inhabiting their stations. Tatiana Chou noticed him and immediately stood at attention. "Permission to ask a question, Commander?"

"You may," he nodded at her. "And at ease."

She came out of her rigid stance and her face lit up. "When's Lieutenant Kaira coming back on duty with us, sir?"

"My wife has been certified as fit by both doctors on the _Enterprise_ and the team of geneticists on Vulcan. She will be returning officially as of tomorrow." He looked around and acknowledged both Bhatt and Jimenez at their duty stations with a simple nod. He also saw, as well, three other members of research he was less than familiar with and did not bother to greet them. He had a reason for being there and it was not social. "May I ask where Lt. Commander Buyers happens to be at this time?"

"He's in his office, sir," answered Chou as she jutted her chin at her superior's office door.

"Thank you for your assistance," he nodded politely and then went to the man's door.

As soon as he was in his office, Buyers stood at attention. "Sir," he addressed him. He may not have liked him, but the Vulcan was his superior officer.

"At ease," said Sarkaal. "You may be seated."

Lieutenant Commander Buyers sat down in his chair behind his desk and then offered the Commander a chair across from him. "How can I help you, Commander?"

Sarkaal sat down and got to the point. "I have come to discuss she who is my wife, Lieutenant Commander."

Buyers felt an ever-so-slight drop in his stomach. This Vulcan didn't look too happy. His slightly panicky mind wondered, was that even possible? They never looked 'happy', 'sad' or much of…anything. He then wondered if he were simply imagining things. No, he could swear he was getting a slightly angry vibe off of Lieutenant Tenary's husband. "She's the best worker in the department," he said, sensing he'd better be nice to this man. He suspected he had some kind of hatchet to bury and he had a feeling it would be in his forehead if he ever had the chance.

"If she_ is_ the best, why do you persist in treating my wife as if she were an incompetent worker, Lieutenant Commander?" Sarkaal gave him a piercing look.

"What's Tenary said-"

"My wife has said nothing against _you_, Lieutenant Commander," Sarkaal mentioned in slow deliberate words. "Primarily, _you_ do not seem to understand, she comes from a planet with harsh rulers and circumstances. Complaints are nonexistent. Her people are strong, resilient, they can overcome nearly any obstacle put in their way, but they do have their breaking point and I will not see her driven to it."

"If I may speak freely, is there a point to this, Commander?" he said figuring the man was wasting his time. If his wife hadn't said a word it meant he obviously had nothing tangible on him and if he had nothing tangible, he had nothing to lose by pretending he didn't know what he was talking about.

Sarkaal leaned forward, the closest to anger he'd ever been outside of a Pon Farr state. "My point is,_ lieutenant_ commander, my wife is in a delicate state. She almost lost our child and is not yet, to borrow a term from her human mother, 'out of the woods'. Therefore, if my wife returns home after duty, _**lieutenant**_commander, and is ill from stress or you endanger her life and in turn the life of my unborn child with your carelessness toward her, you will be facing something worse than being put on report from _me_. I will bring you before the disciplinary board for discrimination and then I will have you put under arrest and extradited to Vulcan and put up on charges there for harming two of its citizens since our unborn children are already counted as alive." Some part of him handed down from the ancient past sensed fear, could smell it coming off of the human in waves. "Is that clear?" he asked as he looked into his eyes.

"You have no proof of-"

"I have read your record, lieutenant commander," Sarkaal stopped him, midsentence, with a cold look on his face. "I know what you have done to Vulcans, Rigellians and those with Romulan forebears under your command in your past." He held eye contact with him for a long time until Buyers diverted his eyes from his piercing gaze. "Do not test me. And do not bully my wife any longer. Furthermore, she is to never know of this conversation. Is that understood?"

"Yes," he nodded quickly, wondering how he'd found out about the charges in his past. They were supposed to be expunged from his record! The man must have truly gone on a digging expedition to find those charges.

"Yes, _what_?" snapped Sarkaal, his voice clipped.

"Yes, _sir_!" the lieutenant commander barked out as he quickly stood at attention.

Sarkaal stood, gave the man one last hard look and without saying another word, departed.

Kaira noticed Sarkaal meditated an especially long time before he went to bed the night before she returned to official duty aboard the _Enterprise_. She supposed he must have been close to tangibly worried about her and was trying to suppress it. She didn't know he was doing his best to keep down an ancient predator within him, an almost beast. The beast had scented fear on his prey that day, her very own bane of a lieutenant commander and the beast had wanted to do more than scare him. It wanted to taste his blood. It wanted him to beg for his life before he snuffed it out. Sarkaal needed to put the beast back in the box lest it take over.

####

She was back to work a short time when one day, after dinner, he reminded her. "Wife, you never told me the tale of the man in your mind that one night during your REM cycle."

Kaira, at that point, truly had forgotten about it. "Who?"

"You referred to him as a 'failed relationship'."

She remembered then. "Oh! Yeah, I forgot all about that."

"You promised to tell me the tale once you were safe into your second quamester."

She nodded. "I did, didn't I?"

"Yes, you did." And he sat there patiently, waiting.

It took her a good thirty seconds, watching him watching her, to realize, "You- you mean you want to hear it _now_?"

His head cocked to one side and his eyebrows rose as if to say, 'What do you think?'

"Oh," she said almost nervously as she put down her Data Pad. "Let me think for a second. I'm going to have to go waaay back in my memory for this one."

"I am patient," he said as he sat down near her. She was sitting up on their couch, but he was on the floor, looking up at her and into her face.

"I'll start at the beginning. But trust me, it's a more than boring tale."

He nodded. "You may begin."

She kept herself from laughing and sat there for a minute and collected her thoughts. "Do you want the bare bones story or the whole thing? Emotional impressions, heartbreak, the whole nine yards?"

"Tell it how you may. I will absorb."

"If you insist."

####

She met him during her Academy days. When she'd first met him she was struck by his piercing gaze and tall well groomed good looks. He made her feel inadequate, stupid almost, he was so professional and on top of his game. Of course it didn't help that he was four years her senior and about to graduate. His name was Collin Reynolds and while she was on her way into Starfleet Academy, he was on his way out. The two barely spoke to one another that first year. The most he did, like in her dream, was nod a hello to her in the hallways of Starfleet Academy. Once he graduated, she didn't see him again for years.

She ran into him again on her first duty assignment, the _Culvert_. She was so excited to have graduated Starfleet with honors and her degree in Stenography that she was taken aback when she ran into him on board the _Culvert_. He was, of course, her superior in rank, seeing as he'd just made junior grade lieutenant, but he was not in her department.

Kaira couldn't decide between the two vegetables in the display. The _Culvert_ was not as well equipped as other ships in Starfleet. It was an old vessel tottering on its last legs about to be decommissioned. And among its many problems was the constant conk-out of the food replicators…all at the same time. So there Ensign Tenary stood, trying to decide between Broccoli and Carrots. She wished she could have both, her metabolism burned so brightly. "Don't eat the carrots," she heard a voice behind her say. That voice! She turned and saw who it was. Junior Lieutenant Reynolds.

He was standing there, speaking to _her_ of all people. Her! She tried to act cool. "What's wrong with the carrots?"

His very good looking face screwed up into a grimace. "They have a strange…aftertaste. I don't know what's going on with them, but the broccoli is way better."

"They should just stock fresh stuff and not stockpile this replicated junk," she said as she made her choice; the broccoli, of course.

"That wouldn't be prudent on a starship of any size," he said with a mildly disapproving look on his face.

Kaira was grouchy since she couldn't seem to get enough food on the _Culvert_ after she'd come on board. "Well at least we'd get fed." She pulled her broccoli from the replicator and couldn't believe it was one of the only available foods until they fixed all of the damnable machines again. To confound matters they were only allowing everyone one portion of whatever food was available. "I never knew joining Starfleet meant I was going to almost starve my first month of active duty."

He flashed one of his rare smiles and she almost passed out. "Computer, one serving of broccoli." He waited for it to materialize and then handed it over to her.

"I can't do that to you," she said. "Why should we both have to suffer? What about your dinner?"

He shrugged. "I brought two care packages on board from my mother and aunt. I did research on the _Culvert_ and when I mentioned that the replicators are often offline the women in my family went mad supplying me with extra food. They've been shipping it to me on a regular basis. Don't worry. I'll eat. I always do."

She didn't want to take up anymore of his time and went on her way. The very next morning she was getting ready to go on duty when her door chimer sounded. The door opened after she instructed it to and she saw Collin Reynolds standing there. It took all her might not to smile like an idiot. "What are you doing here so early, Lieutenant?" she asked. He extended his hand and was holding out a box of something. She got closer and saw what it was. A box of heavy biscuits meant to be had with a strong brew of tea.

"Friendship offering," he said as he handed it over to her.

"Reynolds, you don't need to-"

"I don't mind. Don't worry, I have plenty." He looked as if he were ready to leave, but he wasn't budging. Finally, "Do you think you'd like to go out sometime?" fell out of his mouth oh so casually.

She wanted to pass out and so sat down on her regulation tiny bunk in her regulation tiny room, instead. "Oh, I didn't see this coming."

He sighed. "No one's ever told you before, have they?"

"Told me-?"

"You're a good looking woman, Tenary. And you're smart. I don't ask everyone out. So what'll it be?"

She jumped at the chance. "Of course I'd like to go out with you sometime."

"How's tomorrow night?" he asked.

She nodded. "It's fine."

It was a period of only weeks when he was reassigned to another vessel. The friendship hadn't gone beyond an intense fascination between them at that point. Kaira figured that was all it would ever be, an intense friendship. During it he confessed to her he had been very unable to settle down with one person, not because he had a wandering eye or problems with fidelity, either. He seemed to have a problem in the warmth department. He never felt enough for one person to commit himself to them. She knew he was bad news for her then and when he was transferred away was almost relieved.

Over two years went by and the two wound up assigned together again. The _Culvert_ had finally been decommissioned and they were both assigned to the _Valhalla, _a bigger much more efficient ship. The friendship began again, against her better judgment. But every time she saw him, it was like a moth to a flame. There was something…something about him, the way he spoke, the way his eyes pulled her in. It became within a matter of months, without a doubt, almost toxic. She realized, after a time, that actively seeing him again was a big mistake. She was obsessed with him and didn't know how to get out of the entanglement.

For his part he didn't seem to break a sweat whenever he saw her. She was just there. He took her love for granted, he admitted it. But she was someone that looked nice on his arm and was smart enough to keep up with him in conversations. That was what was important to him. There was some feeling there for her on his part, but no passion. She wanted him to grab her and show her how he felt but he seemed to genuinely not have that ability. She wondered on one occasion if he perhaps wasn't into women but he seemed equally unimpressed by any male that passed his way. He was just…cold. He wasn't even lukewarm. She couldn't believe it, but she actually found she was even deeper in love with him by that point, this unavailable man. She knew she had to get away from him and clear her head but he was comfortable with the way things were and he wouldn't break up with her. But she didn't have the will power to break up with him. So long as she was in his vicinity he would always seek her out, seemingly didn't want to let her go.

She wanted him physically and he seemed more than willing to acquiesce, but he never pressured her to be with him. He was content to not touch her, ever. And she decided she wouldn't give her virginity to someone who was so casual about their feelings toward her.

One day, she found herself in her quarters that were only slightly bigger than on the _Culvert_, crying, not understanding what was so wrong with her that he couldn't love her. Worse yet, what was so wrong with her that she'd fallen in love with someone who couldn't love her back? In a frantic attempt to get away, she refused to allow herself to think too deeply about what she was doing as she put in for a transfer to another ship, not knowing where her net would cast. And Captain Picard saw her service record, her psych evaluation and her performance ratings. He was in need at the time for a Court Reporter and wanted her for the _Enterprise_. She never told anyone, but they all assumed the_ Enterprise_ had asked for her. No one ever knew she'd put in for a transfer and had been picked up that way by the flagship of the Federation. She'd beat out over sixty other applicants in the process and found herself leaving without saying a word to him about where she was going.

####

"I transferred here and at first it was hell. I decided I wouldn't talk to him but going cold turkey was not as easy as I'd thought it would be." She nodded in shame at her former self. "I felt so stupid because, you know, he didn't even need to call me. The whole time I was going through all that pain and withdrawal over not seeing or speaking to him again when I'd break down and call him…he never broke down and called me. Well he did once. I think I even detected regret in his face. But that was all."

"Did you have physical side effects from this?" asked her husband.

She sighed disgustedly. "Yes, I lost like fifteen pounds. I couldn't eat, though, and for me back then that was a big deal because I was always eating all of the time."

"And now?" asked Sarkaal.

"Now?" she asked, not knowing where he was going with his question.

"Do you think of him often these days?"

Kaira laughed effortlessly. "No."

"How did he wind up in your dream those few weeks ago?"

She thought long and hard and remembered why. "Oohh." She saw he was still waiting for an answer and smiled then laughed. "My mother- well my mother doesn't exactly understand Vulcans and- and she thought- well she assumed that-" She didn't know how to say it without sounding offensive.

"Did she assume your desire to be with me was a misguided attempt to regain a part of someone from your past that had been previously unattainable for you?"

Kaira had never heard Sarkaal put someone else's thoughts or feelings into such exact parameters before and her mouth dropped open in shock. "Wow. How did you come up with that so quickly?"

He admitted, "We are having a daughter. I have given a great deal of thought to her life, what it will be. It of course made me think of you in the past and what you were like, what you may have gone through." He continued, "Your mother assumed you were with me to recreate what you had with the man from your past."

"Yes, she did assume that. And she was nervous about this whole thing. She wanted to know if I was truly happy and I told her yes. Then she asked if it was anything like it had been with Collin and I said no, it was nothing like that."

"It is not?" he asked, his face unreadable as ever. But not to her.

She smiled. "No, it is not." She climbed down from her place on the couch and placed herself into his lap. He immediately put his arms around her and held her close to him. "You know how to hold me, how to kiss me," she said as she looked into the intensity of his eyes. Behind their calm she saw a firestorm. It was always there, but contained well. This man was not cold like ice. He was fire encased _in_ ice. Should the ice around the fire ever melt, everyone in his path was in imminent danger. Except for perhaps her. She could feel waves of warmth from him through their meld. And she also sensed apart of him wondered if she wished she were with that man from the past. "No, I don't want him anymore. I stopped wanting him a long long time ago."

"You were so intensely entrenched in your feelings for him in the past," said Sarkaal.

"I was attracted to his cool exterior, his lack of emotion. But I made the mistake in assuming that he was alive on the inside when he wasn't. I wanted a cool exterior, but I wanted an active volcano under the snow. I chipped away at him and found nothing but…permafrost."

"And now? How do you feel about him?"

She frowned. "Honestly, I feel sorry for him. Years ago I hated him but I don't anymore. I stopped feeling negatively toward him a long time ago. If he can't feel love, how is it his fault? Maybe someday he'll be able to for the right woman and she'll ignite something in him and he'll know the joy of it all. But until then, I feel horribly for him. Because the thrill of looking into the eyes of someone who genuinely wants you as much as you want them-"

And Sarkaal saw that look in his wife's face. He saw then that she truly was over this phantom of the past and relaxed. Her pregnancy was bringing about such a territorial side of him. He hadn't anticipated it. "Wife, you must rest now. You have been up long enough," he said as he stood easily with her still in his arms.

"Sarkaal, it's only 0800 hours, I am _not_ going to bed yet!"

The two spent the next half hour debating the merits of pregnant women turning in early.


	16. To Friends Old and New

To Friends – Old and New

Keiko O'Brien and Kaira found themselves hanging out together very often. They were only two months apart in gestation, but Kaira had a much longer wait to go than Keiko.

Something going on inside Kaira gave her a compulsion to lie in the grass and dirt of the arboretum. She was supposed to spend as much time as possible in her quarters so the child in her developed proper bone structure from the altered gravity field placed there by Data and Geordi. But her quarters did not have dirt. So every once in a while she snuck off and lay down on the floor of the arboretum.

"How long do you think you'll stay today?" Keiko smiled down at her friend. The woman further along in her pregnancy was nearly 8 months pregnant and had a lovely glow to her face. Looking down at Kaira whom was almost six months along, you would never even suspect she was pregnant. "And why aren't you showing yet?" she asked her with a grin though thoroughly annoyed.

Kaira laughed. "I have to leave to go on duty, so I'll change into my uniform in your bathroom. And as to me not showing yet, think about it, Keiko. I have to carry this baby for another _seven months_. I'm not even halfway there yet. I would hope the baby remains undetectable on my figure for another two to three months. By the time I get to the end of this pregnancy I'm going to be bigger in the stomach than you'll be full term, trust me."

"Well remember my offer, when your waistline starts expanding you can have my maternity clothes."

Kaira's face screwed up into a frown. "It's already happening, can you believe it?"

She smiled excitedly and sat in a chair almost tiredly. "When? What happened? Tell me all about it!"

Kaira sat up from lying in the grass and dirt that she so craved. "I went to put on my favorite pair of off-duty pants and I couldn't fasten them."

"You look mortified about that."

"I was- _am_ mortified! They're my favorite pants and now they don't fit."

"Did Sarkaal notice?"

She remembered her reaction to his words and frowned. "Yes. And I didn't take it too well."

"Well what did he say?"

"He looked at me and said 'my wife, I do believe you have begun your pregnancy weight gain'."

Keiko's mouth dropped open. "He didn't!"

"He did." She sighed as she shrugged. "The poor man. He didn't know he wasn't supposed to use the words 'weight gain' in connection with me right now. I feel so badly about what happened next."

"What happened next?" asked Keiko. Poor Kaira had become absolutely unpredictable since her pregnancy.

She looked away, embarrassed. "I couldn't even control it this time. I busted out crying…badly, too. I think he was kind of horrified." Keiko couldn't help it, but she found herself laughing. Kaira also began to laugh. "It's funny now, but it wasn't funny two days ago."

"Come to my quarters after you get off duty. I've got two pairs of pants and a dress that don't fit me anymore."

"Don't you need them?"

Keiko waved it off. "This baby is so big I've had to replicate new clothes this trimester."

"Well, waste not, want not," said Kaira as she stood. "I have to go on duty now. I'll change right now and then I'll be at your quarters later."

Kaira stopped by to pick up the maternity clothes after she came off duty. She had a puzzled look on her face as she entered Miles and Keiko's quarters. "What's wrong?" asked her friend.

"Something weird. Ever since I went back on duty Buyers has been-"

"Worse?" Keiko asked, afraid of what she would hear next.

"No, he's been…well not nice or anything, but he hasn't been riding me either. I wonder if it's the pregnancy?"

Keiko quipped without thinking, "Wouldn't it be funny if your husband threatened to kill him?" They both laughed for a minute and then Kaira abruptly stopped laughing. "What's the matter?" asked Keiko.

"Oh my goodness, I think you might be right, on some level."

Her friend laughed even harder, thinking she was joking. "You're hilarious!"

"I'm not kidding. I think he went and spoke to him."

Keiko sat down on the couch next to her, her feet tired. "Really?"

"Really."

She didn't say anything for a minute and then asked, "Well what do you think he might have said to him?"

"I think he went and told him to leave me alone."

Her friend tried to take her mind off of it. "Call me crazy, but that sounds just a little bit invigorating- in a sick way. But still, you don't have any proof of that. I mean, we're talking about a _Vulcan_ here. Besides, what if Buyers decided to stop being an idiot just for now or maybe where he comes from you're not mean to pregnant women or something. Jimenez told me where she comes from you have to absolutely give a pregnant woman everything she wants. That's not the only culture I know of that believes in that sort of thing. I know on Bissus II and places like Gorin V the woman carrying a baby is seen as a vessel of the sacred and she's to not even be _looked at_ in a cross way. You never know what a culture's beliefs are until you go and read them."

"That's true," she qualified. "Goodness Keiko, did you go and research all this after you go pregnant?"

"Yes!" she laughed. "Here," said Keiko as she pulled out a maternity dress. "Try this on. According to what you've told me about your rate of 'impending expansion' in about three months you're going to need it."

Kaira lay awake in bed that night wondering about the line of thought that had come up from Keiko's harmless joke. _Had_ her husband gone and warned Buyers not to give his wife anymore trouble? And what if he had? Could she honestly be upset with him? Some women would. They would see it as their husband interfering in their lives or career. But she honestly couldn't be angry with him if he had. He thought he was protecting her and their child. But she couldn't believe he would do something like that. No, not her Sarkaal! He would never pull rank that way.

Then she thought back to the beginning of their friendship and how many times he'd pulled rank on her for more trivial matters. She couldn't help but squelch a giggle remembering how he'd shown up at her door at almost 4 a.m. She'd been so annoyed at the time! But the hilarious holodeck simulation she'd been treated to had been more than worth it. The best thing about it was the hilarity was a complete accident on his part. She knew he was a good guy then. He had a sense of humor and didn't even know it.

She rolled over in her sleep and watched her husband while in slumber. Maybe he _had_ gone and warned Buyers to leave her alone. One thing was for certain, the man sure could keep a secret. She would probably never find out for sure.

By the next day, Kaira couldn't help it. She reported for duty five minutes earlier than usual. "Hey?" she whispered as she stood next to Tatiana Chou. "Tell me something. Before I came back on duty, did my husband show up here in this department?"

Chou waved her off. "That was how long ago? I can't remember that now. My life is going down the tubes."

She frowned. "What happened?"

"Man trouble, that's all."

"Oh, man trouble," said Tenary with a smile. "Sorry about that. If you need any advice-"

"I know," said Tatiana with a slight smile. "You're always available with a listening ear…but you give bad advice when it comes to human men!"

"I know," smiled Kaira as she went to begin performing her duties.

By the end of her duty shift she was more than just good and tired. Fatigue was hitting her hard lately. Her mother had been right after all. Being half human was beginning to affect her. She wasn't supposed to begin feeling this kind of exhaustion so easily until she was at least eight months along. But here she was, only days away from being six months and she felt as if she couldn't keep her eyelids open. All she wanted was a long nap. She opened her mouth to ask Tatiana a question when the ensign came to her herself and said, "You know what, Kaira, I remember something now."

"About?" Kaira answered tiredly.

"A few weeks ago before you came back on duty. It was the day before, I remember that now. Your husband came in and he spent some time in the office with Lieutenant Commander Buyers."

Her ears opened up instantly and though she was tired and due to go home she asked, "Well what happened? Do you know?"

Tatiana stood there, thinking. "Well he came by and I asked him permission to ask him a question, you know, rank and all, and he gave permission. So I asked when you were coming back to work and he said the doctors gave you clearance to come back on duty the very next day. We were all so excited! Anyway, he goes into the office with Buyers and that's all I know because the door was closed the whole time they were in there."

She frowned. She was hoping she could have gotten some more information. "Well that's it?"

"That's all. Sorry."

She sighed. "I guess that's all I'm going to get." She stood tiredly and could have sworn her stomach grew in just a few hours. "Goodness I could just lay on the floor and sleep right now."

"You better go to Dr. Crusher or something and get checked out," advised Chou.

"The last thing I want to do is go to a doctor but I'll take your advice. Can't be too careful with these hybrid pregnancies."

"One last thing!" Tatiana said as she was just about to leave. "He sure was pissed off."

"Who?" she asked, confused. She knew she didn't mean her husband.

"Buyers- after your husband left. He was in a foul mood all the rest of that day. And I remembered saying to myself, about you, 'oh goodness, she's coming back to _this_ tomorrow?' I thought he'd have it in for you for sure. But he's been nothing but a gentleman whenever you're around. And before I forget this part, then he lectured us all that very morning before you showed up for work later on about not stressing you out over anything."

It was confirmed in her mind at that point. She only smiled and left for sickbay.

Once there, she saw Keiko lying down being examined by Dr. Crusher. The doctor walked away for a moment to go into her office. "What are you doing here?" asked Keiko with a smile as she sat up. Kaira walked up to her and leaned forward, her elbows on Keiko's bed.

"I got really really tired about an hour before my duty shift ended. Tati told me since I was so tired I should come get checked out. I figured I might as well come in right now since I'm due for an exam this week anyway. Dr. Selar tries to leave my time free to show up on my own recognizance, so here I am now."

"Is it just me or has your stomach finally arrived?"

"At least for everyone else it has. I saw a tiny little bulge gradually growing weeks ago. But it wasn't this noticeable when I went to bed last night. It wasn't even visible like this when I woke up this morning. But goodness, I'm tired!"

"I'm sure everything's all right," she said since she already knew Kaira well enough to know the fatigue was making her nervous.

"Oh! Guess what I found out?" she whispered to Keiko.

"What?"

"That joke you made and what I started to think, about my husband saying something to Buyers…it's true!"

Keiko's eyes got wide. "How do you know?"

"Chou told me that my husband showed up a day before I went on duty and spent some time in Buyers' office. After that, Buyers was pissed off for the rest of the day. Then he had a meeting with them all before I showed up, told them not to stress me out or anything and…that's it. I don't think he threatened to kill him but I think he must have told him something."

Keiko smiled. "Wow…he must really love you," she whispered.

"Don't use that word in connection with Vulcans. I won't define it as the word 'nervous' but it puts them in the neighborhood of that word."

Keiko laughed. "Here comes Dr. Selar to examine you. I'm sure everything will be fine."

"How's your exam going?" she asked before she went to go get hers.

"Great. Wouldn't it be funny if we're both having girls?" Keiko smiled.

"It would have been great to have mine a secret, too. But I guess the geneticists couldn't be bothered to use gender neutral terms the whole time they were working on me. Good thing Dr. Crusher spilled the beans ahead of time," Kaira laughed as she walked away.

Kaira went home after her exam and after Dr. Selar assured her everything was indeed fine. The baby was growing quite well in every way. She went home to see that her husband was, once again, in a strange mood.

"When you did not return I became concerned for your safety," he said.

She sighed, even more tired by then. "I went to Dr. Selar right after my duty shift."

"Is everything normal?" he asked, the merest hint of panic in his eyes.

"Everything is fine! I've just been very tired after being up only about half the day. I figured I'd go get my exam now to find out what that's about as soon as possible."

"And?"

"The child has had somewhat of a growth spurt and she's eating all my nutrients. And I mean she's eating all of it. She's not only consuming the food I'm eating but she's eating into my nutritional stores. I've even lost some weight on the scale but she's gaining. Apparently I have to start eating more now. If I don't it will eat into my hair and nails and I'll start losing them. And if the fatigue doesn't leave I'm going to have to start serving half shifts."

He nodded as he looked down at her stomach and said, "Do my eyes deceive me? Your abdomen has grown since last I saw you this very morning."

"No, you're not seeing things. When I went off duty my stomach was rounder than when I'd gone on duty. This morning it was barely there and now I'm going to have to unhitch those pants one notch Keiko loaned me."

He seemed to be conflicted on something and then said, "You had a call today."

"I missed it? Oh! Who was it, Thev'elin? My mother? Wait, my younger cousin from-"

"Lieutenant Commander Collin Reynolds," he said, not bothering to hold it back.

Her mouth dropped open as she thought of the man she used to pine over. "Are you for real?" she asked, wondering if her husband was playing a very bad joke on her. He had been attempting to understand human humor for sometime now and just didn't get it. He seemed to do a much better job when he let things slip by accident. "If this is a joke, Sarkaal-!"

"Indeed, it is not, I assure you. I only wished to inform you that I did not intercept it. I only listened to our messages and found one from him in them. Perhaps you would do well to give him a call."

She stood there and smiled. "Go 'head, Collin. You made a rank of 'commander' after all, didn't you?" she said with an even bigger smile. "He was very ambitious, always serious about his rank and place in Starfleet, you know?"

"According to his message, he is coming to serve here, on the _Enterprise_," Sarkaal informed her.

Her eyebrows almost climbed up into her forehead. "Say what?" She waved off his curious expression from the words she'd just used. "Well I shouldn't be surprised."

"Why is that, wife?"

"He's the best in his field. It was only a matter of time the flagship would call him to serve on it, wouldn't you say?" She began to go to their bathroom. "Now I'm exhausted. I need a shower and this baby is making me excessively hungry."

"Will you not return his call now, wife?" he asked.

"For what? I'll eventually see him since he's coming here to serve."

"But not for another four months," he said to her retreating back.

"All the better for me to call him later!" she said as she closed the bathroom door. "I'm tired and hungry! It can wait!" were her muffled words from behind the bathroom door.

####

Life went on. While Tenary and Sarkaal were away from the _Enterprise_ on leave, it experienced some strange power outages due to a quantum filament. As soon as the two were able to get back on board, Kaira found out Keiko had delivered her baby in 10-Forward of all places during the emergency, and she was delivered by Worf! And it was a girl.

Her and Sarkaal went to visit her as soon as possible to see the newborn. "Oh my goodness, that baby is absolutely delicious!" squealed Kaira.

"My wife," said Sarkaal, openly shocked. "Babies are not culinary courses, at least not in any of our cultures." The O'Briens couldn't help but laugh at the look on the Vulcan's face as his wife smiled at him with her evil little grin.

"Don't worry, Commander," said Miles. "That's just a term women use, especially human women, when they see a beautiful baby." He looked down at his daughter in Keiko's arms. "And my daughter is very beautiful, isn't she?"

Sarkaal, unexpectedly, said, "She is without comparison."

The proud father looked up at the expectant father and smiled happily. "Thank you for the compliment. How far do you two have to go?" he asked as he looked at Kaira's stomach which was beginning to grow very nicely.

Before either could answer, Keiko said, "Can you believe, six more months?"

"But aren't you already seven months pregnant…you don't look a day past 5 months, though," said O'Brien.

"Someone knows how to talk to pregnant women," Kaira said with a funny grin as Keiko laughed lightly so as not to wake the baby who'd just fallen asleep. "If my Beleine genome holds out and Sarkaal's genetic contribution has a say, I should be able to deliver full-term at 13 months. But my mother only made it to 10. I spent almost 2 months in an incubator. If I make it to 12, they'll be satisfied with that."

"And she shall make it to 12 months," said Sarkaal as if it were an order.

"Let's just leave the heavy work to our wives, Commander," counseled Miles with a grin.

####

Ten months along and it was no mistaking that Tenary was indeed pregnant. She looked to be seven months, to human reckoning. Whenever she got tired of being pregnant she would stop by to see Keiko. Molly was now four months and gorgeous, getting into the laughing stage where she smiled and showed delight at everything, especially her daddy.

The two friends were trying to sift through names for Kaira's baby. Sarkaal wanted a list of applicable human names that could be preceded by a 'T'. "Well what culture does your mother come from?" asked Keiko.

"Mom's mother's people migrated from the United Continent of Africa to the United American continent and mom's dad's people come from the Indian subcontinent."

"Oh, India. Pretty names. Where did your name come from?"

"My father's people, the Beleine."

"Is there anything you prefer?"

She thought long and hard. "Truthfully, I like Bajoran names."

"Bajoran names?" said Keiko, confused. "Where did that come from?"

"There's this Vedek, she's been such an inspiration to her people during all they've been through with the occupation. I wish I could name the baby that but it doesn't go well with the 'T'-sound prefix on a Vulcan girl's name."

"Is there a grandparent you loved growing up or an aunt or even an uncle whose name you could feminize?"

"I don't know, Keiko. I guess I have a few more months to figure this out. I did like my mother's sister's name, but she's gone now. Maybe I'll think of that one some more. It _is_ pretty."

"Let's go to 10-Forward," suggested Keiko. "I've been stuck in these quarters nearly 2 days and I'm going stir crazy."

"All right."

"Let me get Molly ready. Remember this, anytime you need to go out have a bag already packed just in case. Otherwise instead of only taking 10 to twenty minutes to get ready, it'll take an hour."

Kaira thought of Sarkaal waiting an entire hour for her and the baby. "You're right. I'll definitely always keep a bag ready. Thank you for the advice, I think I will _so_ need it later on."

Sitting in Ten-Forward, the two women gossiped while still fussing over little Molly. They had just docked two hours before at the space station where they would be taking on new personnel. For some reason that fact stuck out in Kaira's mind, but she couldn't remember why. She already possessed a case of what her mother called 'mommy brain'. _The kids just suck the brains right out of you. I was a genius until you came along_ her mother had told her the week before while laughing over the subspace communication. _Good thing I stopped at one!_

Just then, some of the new people came into Ten-Forward being escorted around by Commander Riker. And then Kaira saw him. Collin Reynolds. "Holy crap, how did I forget about that?" she exclaimed in a low voice.

"What?" asked Keiko.

She caught her up quickly on her past, then the message he'd left four months ago, and now… "There he is. How could I forget he was coming on board for good? Oh goodness, he's just spotted me."

"What do you think?" asked Keiko.

She smiled with approval. "He's got his stripes, just like he always wanted. And he's as handsome as ever. I do believe I'm proud of him."

"Then you've gotten over the past better than I could have."

She smiled. "I guess I have." She found herself waving him over and his lips smiled as he eagerly made his way to their table. "Lieutenant Commander Reynolds," she smiled as he sat down next to her. "I haven't seen you in years! Collin, this is Keiko O'Brien, ship's botanist. She tends our arboretum."

"Nice to meet you, Mrs. O'Brien. And who is this little lady?" he asked as he smiled down at the baby.

The baby smiled up at him and cooed loudly as Keiko said, "This is Molly O'Brien. And don't worry, you can call me Keiko."

He nodded in acceptance, then turned and looked at Kaira again. "You're even more beautiful than I remembered you. What's going on? You have some kind of glow about your face these days! and you let your hair grow in." He turned back to the other woman and said, "She used to wear it like a boy, did you know that?"

Mrs. O'Brien laughed. "I had no idea. By the time I came onboard it looked like it does now. And then of course the hormones make it thicker and even longer."

He looked at his old friend and asked, "Hormones? Are you taking some kind of treatments, Kaira?"

She giggled along with Keiko as she answered, "No. It's just a little something I'm working on right now."

He knew something was going on and asked, "What would that be?"

Kaira pushed her chair back a little and with a big grin put her arms around her expanding belly. "I'm growing the world's largest eggplant in my stomach!" she joked.

He looked from the belly to the now exposed ears. "My Kaira, pregnant and smiling. You've stopped hiding your ears, too. Have you gone and gotten married, Tenary?"

"As a matter of fact, I have," she said with a smile. "So you're too late," she joked.

Collin couldn't help but to also laugh as he acknowledged, "I see that now." Then he saw a Vulcan approaching the table with Commander's pips on his collar. Reynolds stood at attention.

"At ease, lieutenant commander," said the Vulcan. "I am not on duty and neither are you." They both sat down as Reynolds wondered what he was doing there, seemingly uninvited, at _their_ table. "Keiko," said Sarkaal as he nodded in hello. He held out his arms as Keiko turned the baby over to him. "I must practice, yes?" he said to the baby in his arms. As usual, Molly smiled up at him and began to smack at his nose.

"Collin, this is my husband Sarkaal. Sarkaal, this is Collin Reynolds who's just come to serve on board the _Enterprise_."

"My wife," informed Sarkaal, "I am aware of the new duty lists." He held the baby closer since she started to look as if she were becoming sleepy. The infant snuggled into his warmth and her eyes began to droop.

"This is unbelievable," said Keiko. "What are you, Commander, a baby-whisperer? You always put her out in less than five minutes. She doesn't fall asleep for anyone else like that, not even Miles!"

Reynolds was still reeling from all the facts. Kaira was pregnant and married to…a Vulcan? He forced himself to stop thinking with bias. He acknowledged to himself that these things did happen from time to time. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Commander," he finally said to him.

Sarkaal looked at Reynolds and saw that his wife held no romantic love for the man, just the love one would have for an old friend that taught them much about themselves. And the grudge he was holding against him that he did not realize he was holding before suddenly evaporated. He looked down at the baby in his arms and realized that soon he would be holding his own infant this way. Then he looked across at his wife whom was eagerly speaking with Keiko and at turns Collin Reynolds.

Miles showed up then. "I see you put my baby to sleep _again_," he said to Sarkaal as he sat down next to his wife. "I'm Miles O'Brien," he introduced himself to the new lieutenant commander and shook his hand.

"Collin Reynolds," he answered. "I met Kaira in the Academy and we served aboard two ships together before she skipped out on me for the _Enterprise_."

"Do you not have an appointment with Dr. Selar today, my wife?" asked Sarkaal.

"Oh, I don't want to go!" she wailed.

"After all these years you're still a master procrastinator when it comes to doctors," Reynolds smiled.

"It's a wonder she married a geneticist with a medical degree," laughed Miles.

"You will go now," said Sarkaal. "And Reynolds will ensure you actually arrive in a timely manner."

"I thought I was off duty," said Reynolds.

"It is an order," Sarkaal said lightly without batting an eyelash. "I am certain Kaira would enjoy catching up with you without the crowd of Ten-Forward."

Kaira looked at her husband, shocked. And then she realized, he fully trusted her and was no longer threatened by Collin Reynolds. "Come on. Force me to sickbay so they can scan me and this baby," she said as she stood.

Reynolds also stood. "Well since I'm on orders…"


	17. ConfessionsAnd The End

Confessions…And The End

The two took their time walking to sickbay as she caught him up on her life since the last time she saw him. "It's been great seeing you again," he said after she finished telling him of everything that had happened since she literally disappeared from his life.

"You too," she said with a smile.

Just a few feet from sickbay he said, "I have to tell you this before I go back to my quarters…"

"What's that?"

"I- I'm ashamed of the way I treated you, Kaira. You didn't deserve it. I knew something was wrong with me back then. And even though I didn't know what it was, I should have let you go. But instead I just held on. You were right to leave me the way you did."

She couldn't believe this was happening as she saw the look on his face. The man now seemed to possess a depth of emotion he hadn't before. "What happened to you?" she asked.

He smiled down at her as he finished walking her to sickbay. "When you left, my world…imploded. I was sad but I didn't feel it as fully as I should have felt it. I went to a doctor, a human doctor, and they didn't see anything wrong with me. I went and sought all sorts of treatment from so many places and no one found anything wrong. Then I went to Betazed. There was something inside my mind, they said, that was switched 'off'. It had to do with the transference of emotional impressions to the rest of the brain and nervous system. They said they were surprised I'd never committed any serious crimes in that state since I had no regard for the feelings of others. Had it not been for the guidance of my family all of those years ago who knows what I would have turned into. Because of them I grew up to be an ambitious young Starfleet officer. The Betazoids suggested I get therapy before getting the gene inside me activated that would turn on that part of my brain and they also suggested I get deep intensive therapy afterward on Vulcan to learn to grapple with what would be coming out of me after all these years.

"Once that switch was flipped on I felt all these emotions that I previously just…couldn't. And I want to thank you. You were the catalyst that pushed me to go and get all of this done. The way you ran away from me made me realize something was very wrong with me. I did some time on Vulcan with a Master to learn to handle the feelings I could now finally feel because for a short time there, I was almost nuts. I can honestly tell you now, without shame, I loved you back then and never knew it. There were at least two other women that I loved as well before I met you, but I couldn't feel it fully for them either. When I finally could think about what I'd done, I was so unhappy with myself, so guilty for what I'd done to you and to them. But I was broken back then. I was able to track them down, apologize, explain what was wrong, that it wasn't them, it really was me. And now that I see you're fine and happy, you look like you're over it…I'm so happy for you. But Kaira, _are_ you over it? Did I assume too much?"

She felt it appropriate at that point and gave him a hug as her eyes started to tear up. "Oh brother, I'm crying again! This has been a constant since I got pregnant," she told him. "Yes, I'm over it. It's all right now. Let's leave the hurt of the past in the past and let's get into sickbay before I flood the hallways."

That night right before bed, Sarkaal watched his wife across the room making a pattern for their child's nursery. They would be moving to new quarters in less than a month and she'd been dabbling with patterns and colors since they'd gotten their orders and she'd seen the new space. "My wife," he called to her. "How did things go between yourself and Reynolds?"

She smiled over at him. "He's apparently gone to Betazed and been 'fixed' for quite a while now. After that he felt emotions he never had before. I'm happy for him. But he's been through a lot since then, I can tell. He apologized for the past, but I told him I'm leaving it right where it is, in the past. He felt so guilty and I'm so glad I could put his mind at ease."

"So he is still your friend?"

She laughed involuntarily. "When someone feeds you when you're hungry you have a friend for life," she said referring to their early days on that first broken down ship. "I can't help but still be friends with him. I pushed him to do something vital and he taught me something important about myself. And through all that hurt if we can still emerge with respect for each other, and I don't hate him, that's a real friend." Nothing else was said for a short time.

"He still feels the emotion of love for you," Sarkaal said out of nowhere.

She nodded, accepting of the fact. "I know. I can't help that and he knows he can't either. But he's not the man I loved years ago and I'm not the same girl. That time is lost and can never be regained, he knows that. And just like I did, he'll get over it someday, too."

Kaira's last day of duty was bittersweet. Her department held a party for her. They wanted to know when she would return to active service. Not for years. She was going to be raising a daughter, maybe one more child in the interim…maybe. She would still be on board the Enterprise for another year when Sarkaal's latest tour of duty would be up. They would return to Vulcan for about a decade and take possession of his hereditary home in the dessert. She would return to school when her daughter began formal schooling and he would practice at the Vulcan Academy Hospital and perhaps even teach. Who knew? But for now, she had her days free to rest since she was over eleven months along.

She spent most of her time with Keiko in the arboretum or visiting her quarters watching little Molly O'Brien grow up. For the first few weeks Collin couldn't go near her. She could tell he was fighting his emotions concerning her. She felt terribly for him in an abstract sense, but there wasn't a thing she could do about it. He got the mastery over his love for her, finally, and was able to sit with her and Sarkaal in 10-Forward from time to time. He blended in well with the crew and was a fine addition to it.

One day in Keiko's arboretum Kaira put her hand to her back and moaned miserably. "I wish these pains would stop!"

Molly was attached to Keiko via a sling and the botanist paused in what she was doing. She was planting new bulbs and turned to look at where her friend was rubbing. "What kind of pain are you having? Sharp or like a wave?"

"Low in my back, radiating across and down. Ow! There's another one."

"Aren't you supposed to make it to at least 12 months, ideally thirteen?"

"Yes, but I'm nearly 12 now. What's the big deal?"

"I think you're in labor," she said as she stood hurriedly and held Molly close to her.

"But the pain is in my _back_!" she protested as Keiko went to hit her com badge. "And I'm not even 12 months yet."

She pressed the badge and said, "Arboretum to sickbay. Medical emergency. I think Kaira Tenary's in premature labor."

Before Kaira could open her mouth to protest, Dr. Selar transported right into the arboretum and walked straight up to her, kneeled down and scanned her. She nodded over at Keiko. "Excellent powers of observation." She looked at Tenary, still on the ground. "You _are_ in premature labor. We will go to sickbay now to get it stopped fully." She put a hypo-spray to her neck and injected her. "This should stop the pains and contractions temporarily."

"I can't believe I'm in sickbay _again_!" she complained crankily to anyone who would listen.

"You must remain here for a short time until you are stabilized. If we can help you to arrive at 12 months and two weeks gestation, that would be ideal. You're a week shy of 12 months. I'm sorry, but you're looking at three weeks of moderate bed rest," Dr. Crusher said as she took her turn scanning her. Dr. Selar was in the lab mixing up a cocktail for her particular physiology.

Keiko was standing next to her as Molly began to fuss. Just then, Sarkaal entered sickbay, face almost green with worry. "She is well?" he asked Dr. Crusher as he walked up to them.

"She is. Dr. Selar was able to stop the contractions. Your wife has to stay in bed for the next 3 weeks, Sarkaal. The only reason she's to be up is to go to the bathroom, to have a shower once a day, and because of her Beleine physiology she is to walk around the corridors for literally 2-4 minutes in the morning, afternoon and evening. That's it. She may stretch, in bed, once a day. But otherwise I don't want her moving. She's not to make her own breakfast, do any cleaning, no heavy lifting, no rearranging furniture, nothing. If the contractions start again she has to get rid of the daily walks."

"You mean I have to be laid out, in bed, for 3 whole weeks?" she nearly shouted. "I can't do that!"

"If you cannot, my wife," said Sarkaal, "I will be forced to call your mother to assist you." The only answer he got from his wife was her wide green-eyed stare of disbelief. "That is better," was his only answer to her silence.

"Once Dr. Selar is done with your genetically tailored cocktail, the long walk back to your quarters is the last walk you'll be taking of that length for nearly a month," said Dr. Crusher. "I'll be right back."

Keiko offered, "I'll come by and visit you every day. Don't worry. Molly and I will keep you company for an hour or two at lunchtime."

"That is commendable," said Sarkaal to Keiko. "I will be there, my wife, to give you breakfast and dinner."

"I can't believe this is happening," she said as she crossed her arms from her sitting position. She looked utterly disappointed. "I'll tell you one thing's for sure, I'm never doing this pregnancy thing again. The worry alone has given me grey hairs."

The first two days were bearable. But by day three she wanted to put a hole in a wall. "I think there's some Klingon in me or something because I'm getting angrier the further into this bed rest thing I'm getting," she said to Worf when he went by to visit her.

"Your people are related to Vulcans, are they not?"

"Yes."

"The anger of an unrestrained Vulcan is a thing to behold, I've been told," he said with what was unmitigated approval in his eyes.

She thought of her husband in the throes of Pon Farr and whispered to the Klingon, "You've got that right, Jack." Before Worf could protest that his name wasn't 'Jack', her chimer sounded. "Come in!" she called. The door opened and Collin Reynolds was there.

Worf stood. "I must go. I will return tomorrow and read you passages from Klingon History of Great Battles and Legends ."

"Nice and bloody!" she said with a smile on her face.

He nodded in approval as he looked at Reynolds. "She is a true warrior," he informed the man and then left.

Collin sat down across from her couch and just smiled at her. "You look great you know."

She was reclined, lying on her right side. Since she had two hearts it didn't matter which side she lay on. "Thanks," she said. Then she wondered out loud, "what are you doing here, Collin?"

"I came to keep you company for a little while. I know you're confined to quarters and I know you've had a steady stream of personnel keeping you company and I figured it was my turn."

The crew had somehow come up with some kind of lottery system, she figured out. She got a visitor every morning for an hour and one in the afternoon for an hour, and Keiko came for lunch with Molly, that pretty much made her whole day nice and varied. Day one had been Deanna in the morning and Commander Riker in the late afternoon. Data had come the day before in the morning and Miles had come in the afternoon. And then this morning there was Worf.

She was happy to see the Klingon since she knew he would speak to her about inappropriate things if she wanted, like battle and carnage. And he'd even promised to return the next day! But Collin…was showing up right after Worf? So what was he doing there? It wasn't time for anyone to visit her again, yet. "For real though, what are you doing here?" she asked him.

He swallowed and looked down at his hands. "I missed your face, that's all," he said, his eyes a little sad. "And," he forced himself to say cheerfully, "I know for a woman like you to be stuck in your quarters is just horrible, probably next to unbearable."

She could only feel sorry for him as she sighed almost tiredly. "I do hate being stuck here. But I have to keep this baby in and bake her as long as she needs."

He seemed to think before speaking and decided to speak anyway. "Can I ask you something…personal?"

"It depends on how personal it is," she said. "If it's too personal the answer is 'none of your damn business'."

He laughed. He'd missed her sense of humor. "Why did you marry him? And don't give me a cliché answer, but really, why did you marry him?"

"Sarkaal?"

"Yes, of course him, he's your husband, right?" he joked. "Or is there another one out there somewhere?"

She laughed and then sobered up enough to give him a straight answer. She thought back to their past. "Truthfully, when he and I met we didn't make a blip on one another's radar. Some guys you see them and you get this feeling…this premonition that this man is your future. You feel love at first sight. But with him- I mean, he was attractive and of course a woman's going to notice that, but that was all at the time. There was no stranger across a crowded room thing in the beginning for him and me." She smiled.

"And then Deanna asked me to help him with his etiquette. He was having trouble with non-Vulcans in his department since he was the head of it. My goodness, it was the most fun I'd had in so long, helping him out! And the man made me laugh without even trying. And we just became friends; it was almost accidental in a way." The look on her face transformed as she thought of their early days together, the getting-to-know- you stage.

"Then I woke up one day and realized he was the person I was going to all the _Enterprise_ parties and social events with and I was bouncing ideas off of him and asking his opinion about decisions. Then I realized he was doing the same with me. He'd really become my best friend by that point. And I couldn't have more than a day go by without at least talking to him."

"So how did you get from 'best friend' to 'husband'?" he asked, truly curious.

"Collin, that really is a long long story. But to shorten it, he was there for me during some difficult decisions about a lot of things. He didn't press me to decide one way or another, he was just there for me and all right with whatever decisions I made. And then one day, we had what you might call an awkward situation come up between us. We'd gotten too close and it sparked something we weren't sure of. So instead of talking to each other we avoided one another. We spent sometime not talking and I realized I was in trouble because I was in love with him and I didn't think anything would ever come of it. I tried to pretend it didn't exist. Then when I acknowledged it I tried to pretend it would eventually go away. He left the _Enterprise_ to go to Vulcan, then. I didn't know why at the time. It was the most awful feeling, waking up knowing he wasn't anywhere near me. Next thing I knew his family asked my family to marry their son. The rest is history."

"So you already knew you loved him by the time they asked?"

"Yes, I did."

"What quality did he have that was a surprise to you? What was it that made you not turn your back on him, but made you hope and believe that maybe there was some chance?"

She thought long and hard before she answered him. But knowing him as well as she did, she knew Collin's real question was 'what did he have that I didn't?' "I'll answer that for you someday."

"But not today?"

She nodded. "Not today."

Kaira made it through her bed rest period, sanity intact. The day she was told by Dr. Selar, "You may now walk about as much as you desire. You are 12 months and two weeks along, full term enough that it will not harm the child to arrive any day now," she was in a flurry of activity after that.

She cleaned their new quarters from top to bottom, finally put everything into effect for the baby's nursery and cleaned every available piece of clothing that was dirty or even looked suspicious. She packed a bag for herself and the baby and did the last of her research to figure out what to expect from the new tiny person for the first few weeks after bringing her home. Finally, she felt as if she were ready. But all that work took less than four days! She still had a ways to go.

"You are doing too much, wife!" protested Sarkaal as calmly as he could. But she detected the note of urgency in his voice.

By then she'd learned exactly how to placate him. "Bring me a cup of tea, then, and I'll sit down and behave myself."

And he did so.

####

The dream was strange. It was Starfleet Command with a touch of the _Enterprise_ thrown in. You would go down one corridor and it was the Academy, and then you would turn down another corridor and it was the ship. It was very confusing. And then there was Collin, standing there with his Pad Board. "What are you doing here?" she asked him, curious.

"I've come to finally tell you good-bye," he said.

She smiled. "That's so nice. I knew this day would come. Good-bye, Collin. And don't worry. Everything's going to be just fine."

"If you say so." But there was a hint of worry in his face.

Her eyes snapped open. Such a strange dream. And then she felt a sensation and knew what it was immediately. A contraction. It was light and didn't last long at all. She had a feeling this would be one of the last nights of sleep she would have in a long time so she turned over and let herself go back into deep sleep.

She had contractions for two days, off and on, but they weren't regular or strong. She finally said something to her husband the third morning. "I'm going to see Dr. Selar today for my exam. I've been having light contractions. I don't think that- what are you doing!"

He'd rushed over and stood her up and began grabbing her bag, ready to rush her out of their quarters. "It is time, is it not?" he said hurriedly

"No, it is not!" she nearly yelled. He paused. He'd been caught red-handed in blatant panic. She smiled to calm him down. "Go on duty and if there's anything, I'll give you a call."

"You should not be alone at this time," he protested, open worry in his eyes.

"I'm a com-badge away from help," she reminded him. "And you can spend the day wrapping up whatever you need to in the lab. But if it makes you feel better, I'll spend the day with Keiko."

He agreed with her thoughts on the matter. "That is fine." It was a wonder to him that she who would be facing this ordeal was thinking more logically than he was at the moment.

She spent as much time with Keiko as she could but then felt nearly exhausted. She went back to her quarters early and fell into a deep sleep. She slept from late afternoon, awoke only to eat dinner with Sarkaal and then fell back into a deep sleep for nearly the entire night. An hour before her husband was due to go on duty, her eyes snapped open to deep and radiating contractions. "I think this is it," she said calmly after that one passed. He jumped out of bed and went to grab her bag but she stopped him. "I don't need to go in yet. She said she'll come to me or I can go to her once I'm in active labor, all right?"

He visibly reestablished his cool. "Yes, of course."

Kaira spent most of the day walking the corridors of the _Enterprise_ to keep her labor moving along. Sarkaal only called in to inform them he would not be back at his duty station for an unknown amount of time. Rumor went through the ship like wildfire that Tenary was having her baby. After the first three hours any calmness she wished to keep was busted by the crew of the _Enterprise_ either smiling at her as she walked by, smart-aleck ensigns offering to 'catch the baby' or other well-meaning members (including the Captain!) asking, "Shouldn't you be in sickbay?"

She wound up in the holodeck in a nature preserve. It was a calm wooded path with the sounds of the rainforest and light mist. The sun wasn't shining too strongly through the heavy canopy of trees. The sights were calming to one who'd spent half her life on Earth and the heat and humidity was perfect for her Beleine physiology. After less than two hours, Sarkaal joined her there. Because of the bond between the two of them, many things went unspoken, but were largely understood.

She would walk as much as she wished and when she was tired she would sit on a stone bench and rest. When a contraction came, he would stand in front of her and let her lean into him as he reached forward and rubbed her lower back. She did as much deep breathing as she could. The pain wasn't at a high enough ebb yet.

After a particularly long and hard contraction, she looked up into his eyes and saw he was trying his best to keep his thoughts to himself, but still, that one thought slipped through. He wanted her to go to sickbay. "Not yet," she whispered.

She felt him reach out to touch her mind and he was surprised by what he found. "You are…calm," he nearly accused.

"What else should I be?" she asked him as she reached for his mind. And there beneath the surface of his calm she saw it: confusion, fear, concern…worry for her and the baby, but mostly for her. She reached up and touched his face lightly. "I love you, Sarkaal."

He hugged her to him as if her words had caused him pain. In a way, they did. He knew her. She was telling him good-bye, just in case something went wrong. No! And she accepted it so calmly. NO! "How is it you can say those words _now_?"

"I just want to be ready for all eventualities." And she briefly tensed. Another contraction. She forced herself to untense her muscles, let the pain radiate through her, breathe through it. As soon as it was gone, she looked up at him. "We can make our way to sickbay now. I think my body is almost ready to push."

Dr. Selar stared at her almost disapprovingly as she waddled into sickbay but didn't say a word.

"Any later and you'd have had the baby in the hallway," Dr. Crusher reproved her for both of them.

Kaira continued to breathe deeply and concentrate. "I got here in time, that's the important thing," she snapped at them both. It was the first sign of grouchiness she'd had all that day, to her credit. "That's what transporters are for. Get off my back!"

Crusher found herself holding back a smile. She was close if she was getting snappy with them. "Well, we should get our gear ready," she said to Dr. Selar.

The two examined her and Dr. Selar reported, "You are 9 and three-quarter centimeters dilated and the baby is in the proper position."

"I think I'm going to throw up!" Kaira said shakily as she felt a shot of adrenaline pass through her. And then she did throw up.

An hour later and a sweaty, exhausted Kaira had a screaming infant placed on her chest. "A girl, of course," whispered Crusher. "And she's healthy."

The new parents looked down at she who was now screaming as loudly as she could. When she'd first emerged she hadn't made a sound. The doctors had to prod her into opening her lungs, but now that they had she was letting the world know she was not pleased and was very cold! The baby had been cleaned off as well as possible and they both got a good look at her. She was so healthy her skin wasn't even pink, it was nearly purple! Her hair was a healthy thick mass of black curls and when her eyes opened they were green. "Just like you," whispered Sarkaal to his wife. "It was my wish she would be just like you. And she is."

Despite the curls and green eyes, she saw her husband's face staring back at her on the baby's face. "I think she looks like you."

_That would be unfortunate for her indeed_ he joked within their bond and she found herself laughing out loud with joy.

Days later, when many well-wishers had come and gone and the couple settled in with their newborn, Collin Reynolds stopped by with a gift of a stuffed animal for the baby. "I just wanted to drop this off for her," he said. "It's from her old Uncle Collin."

Kaira couldn't help but laugh. The large stuffed animal was a sehlat the size of a large chair. "Oh my goodness, the baby's going to have fun with that when she gets to be about a year old!"

Sarkaal had gone to replicate them dinner as Collin sat down next to her on the couch all the while looking at the new baby in her arms. "She's gorgeous, Tenary," he said.

"Thank you."

"Was it a hard labor?"

She smiled. "Yes and no." And she thought of her husband with her through most of it, there to rub her back, encouraging her to sit when she needed to, worried throughout but never saying a word. "But Sarkaal was an excellent coach."

"Remember that question I asked you weeks ago. Did you get a chance to think about it?"

She thought back to their last conversation and remembered the question he'd asked in relation to Sarkaal. _'"What quality did he have that was a surprise to you? What was it that made you not turn your back on him, but made you hope and believe that maybe there was a chance?"'_ The one she interpreted as _'what did he have that I didn't?'_ She looked up at Collin and answered truthfully. "Empathy. He was a Vulcan with a clear-cut case of Empathy."

**THE END**

_I want to thank everyone who tagged along for this ride, especially makaem for the constant reviews that kept me going and Archun for favoriting this. Special thanks to two of my two family members, Sagwin and Iggy (nicknames, obviously!) for reading this story before I posted it to . I know Sagwin, you're in love with that Vulcan. Me, too!_


End file.
